Unveiled Faces

What is your deepest pain?


I am single.

God has forgotten my dreams

He can't use me alone.

None will choose me.

I am incomplete.

Sunday night, I was asked to do one of the most difficult, yet freeing things that I have ever had to do. At TLC we had an amazing Women's night. The theme of the evening was Identity. We looked at the titles and the ideas that our upbringing and our culture has placed on us that are not an accurate representation of who God says we are . At the end, we performed a dramatic piece in which we stated an old identity that was false. Then we draped ourselves with a black veil. A song began and we stood, with veiled faces, desolate at this false identity. As the piece went on, we removed the veils, and then presented ourselves, declaring the Truth and abandoning our veils.

Even as we rehearsed there was a depth of pain for each of us as we dug deep into our sense of identity. For the most part we couldn't even speak, we just walked it through. We knew God was up to something, but it was really heavy because we weren't speaking lines we had memorized, we were speaking of our own lives.

I am single.
God has forgotten my dreams
He can't use me alone.
None will choose me.
I am incomplete.

These were the lies that I had adopted into my identity. These were the words I spoke in front of a roomful of women. It was so difficult to even get the words out. As I stood on the stage, I felt completely exposed, and raw. If I had actually been naked, I wouldn't have felt as exposed as I did in that moment. I stood veiled, weeping, realizing the depth to which these lies had permeated my heart. I chose in that moment, to not just let this be a drama, that I was leaving behind the old ideas about myself.

I am His Bride.

His dreams for me are more than can be imagined.

He has chosen me.

I am fully known.

THIS is the truth. This is what replaces the old lies. I leave behind the old ideas just like I left behind the veils on that stage.

Immeasurably More

Ephesians 3:20
20Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us,

I got a funny object lesson this weekend that I felt like was a little reminder of how God, in His amazing wisdom, works. Contrast 2 situations and plans that I made for the weekend.

Friday's Plans: a blanket email went out early in the week hoping to get the crowd together for dinner and a movie. As the week progressed, no responses, in fact, some miscommunication. Friday night came, and the only one who had said they were coming bailed on me.

Saturday's Plans: A worship concert downtown, tickets purchased in advance, plans with the girls to just go and worship God. All is set and settled, then Friday night one of the girls called and said that she had tickets to BON JOVI!!!

I would never have bought tickets to Bon Jovi because, while I enjoy the music and I think he is a handsome dude, I really am not a fan of concerts. They are not an activity that I normally pursue. Some people love them, not me. So we debated- honestly I was fighting the "religiosity" that would say why are you giving up Worship tickets for Rock tickets, but that is a conversation for another day!- and finally decided that Free tickets to this concert would be too good to pass up. There are a few bands that you just go to say you went.......

We very quickly got excited about this idea!! So plans changed and all is well. In the back of my head was the thought "I wonder who is opening?".... well, I found out later it was Hedley!!! Again, another band that I don't pursue their music but always enjoy. I have long thought, I bet that would be a good concert!!!

So, we get the Iconic music of Bon Jovi, and I get an unspoken desire of heart fulfilled!!

On Thursday, I didn't even know that I would like to see Bon Jovi! Now I can't wait. And all of this fell into our laps, we were just being happy to worship Jesus..... do you see where this is going? I am sure that you can. There was a whisper in my heart that said, "see I can bring good things to your door, and it will exceed your imaginings!" I know that God can use ALL circumstances in our lives to teach us things.

We are inundated with messages about the best way to go about finding love. Amazingly enough the advice I often get from my Christian friends is the same as my non-christian friends.... things like "You gotta get out there" or "it's a numbers game" or "how will you know what you want unless you play the field?", or my personal favourite "you can't expect God to send them knocking on your door, do you?" with the exception of the question of sex, the advice is doesn't differ that much from a Christian and non-Christian approach. But the truth is, I DO expect that when the time is right, God WILL send the right person, and if they need to knock on my door, then that is what is going to happen! My 'game plan' is this to be busy about the work of the Lord.

I have never understood or bought into the whole 'dating game' . It seems like a dumb way to find someone. I think that it is much better to go about things God's way! The scripture DOESN'T say : spend most of your time seeking God, but save time for searching for Mr. Right. It says Seek first... and all these things will be ADDED!! To me, that means they will be brought to me.. in the time and in the method that God has chosen.

** IMPORTANT** Please read Immediately

From the Office of the Chairman of the Board
For Widespread Distribution


It is with great pleasure that we announce some changes in the leadership of "Laura's Life" . Every once in a while, as market needs change, and the nature of the organization changes, we need to shuffle around responsibilities.

The primary change will take place in the Department for Spouse Acquisition (DFSA).

A little organizational history. For those of you who don't know, we are a wholly owned subsidiary of Laura Coxworth Inc. A number of years ago we realized that we- as the Board- didn't have what it takes to run this Organization to its fullest potential. We have a CEO who is responsible for (and capable of) running all aspects of our organization. Although he has wide-ranging authority to do what He needs to, He chooses to bring things before the Board to get our approval and our full buy-in (He insists that changes and improvements last longer with board buy-in). The Board has always been happy with His performance, and He has never let us down, however, sometimes it takes some convincing of Board members that He is even interested in taking on new responsibilities-even when He is BEGGING to take them on.

The Board has excellent intentions, but humbly realizes that it lacks the skills and vision needed to change the world, per the vision of our CEO. The Board has never assumed that they have all the answers, that is why we hired the CEO in the first place, yet the Board is often held back by their limited view of the global & eternal perspective. As the Chairman of the Board, I have fought many fights to give our CEO more responsibility, and slowly, I feel like the tide is shifting in those areas that are most important.

The DFSA is an area that I have long thought should be handled by the CEO. As a Board we could never come to an agreement, some thought that the CEO must be too busy for such an inane project, others felt at times that this should be the only responsibility of the CEO. Still other times we debated outsourcing it entirely, allowing both the Board and the CEO the freedom to get more important things done. It has long been the primary topic of Board Meetings and has brought about tears, pain, frustration and heartache. We have missed out on some opportunities to get ahead in the market because we were focused on this internal issue!

I have known for a long time that the right resources were already within the organization, I just needed the buy in of the Joint Chairs of the board: Mind, Soul and Spirit. We have spoken to outside consultants-even offering some of them the job- and we have even offered rewards for the public's help-all with disappointing results. We have reached the end- finally, we have consensus on this! We completely TRUST Him with this!

I am pleased to announce that our CEO will have full responsibility, overview, leadership and approval for the Department For Spouse Acquisition. We have made it clear as a Board, that if we stick our noses into what is His expertise, he has the authority to kick us out of His office. He has carte blanche for this project. We have put no deadline on it-knowing that it will be finished when He is fully satisfied with the results. Rest assured, we have made known to Him some of the things we are hoping to see and what we would prefer, however we publicly acknowledge that we don't have the same vision as He does so we don't know what will be needed long term.
He assures us that even when it seems like there has been no forward momentum, lots of things happen behind the scenes. He has refused to be subjected to progress reporting and respectfully reminded the Board that we could at any time take back leadership of the DFSA.

We announce this private Organizational change publicly so that you (as someone invested in our future) can be made aware of the most effective communication channels should you feel the need to provide any input on this subject.

Prior to this change, coming to a Board member would have been the best channel, however, now it would literally be a waste of breath. If you have anything that you feel needs to be stated on the subject, the CEO has said the He is willing at any point to hear your concerns and petitions. Please go directly to Him on this. As a board we have a long list of tasks that we need to accomplish, and we will only become distracted and frustrated if we keep trying to do this when the CEO has it in His hands.

We know that this announcement will surprise some, and make others nervous. If you have any concerns, I am sure that a quick face-to-face with the CEO will put your hearts at ease. He has a way of putting nervous investors at rest with His clear vision and gentle approach and He always has an opening in His schedule to have that meeting!

Confessions of a Confused Heart Part Two

Do you recall the last truly delightful moment you witnessed?

Guess what? It takes work to see the delight around us. How are you going to see the older couple strolling in the park, if you aren’t sitting on the park bench? How is your niece able delight you with her imagination if you never go and visit? How do you spot puppies curled up together unless you pop into the pet store? It takes a decision to slow down and look around.


I think this is the same thing with God. When we go too fast, we forget that He wants to be the centre of everything we are doing. The other day, I chose to delight in the parking space that opened up right in front of the door to the mall, and the kind words that were sent my way at just the right time. If we are looking for all the ways that God chooses to speak to us throughout the day, we can give him credit for a wide variety of things that others just write off. Imagine God opening up that parking spot, or prompting the people who said kind things to me, it isn’t that farfetched, in fact, it’s kind of delightful… don’t you agree?


I have a long way to go before I can say I truly trust in God for everything, but until that time comes, I hope to learn a little more everyday how to delight in His love. I am certain of this, as my eyes turn more and more toward His, the amazing view of His love will

Confessions of a Confused Heart

I’m guilty! Slap on the handcuffs, convict me and send me away! I am guilty. What am I guilty of? Misrepresenting scripture…that’s right, take a moment, wrap your head around it. I realize that ignorance is not a defensible position; however, I can say that my misrepresentation was not malicious. In my eagerness to have the Lord answer my prayer, I latched onto what I thought amounted to a smoking gun.


For more years than I care to recall I have used the scripture “God will give you the desires of your heart” in my agonizing with God. I used it to become angry and bitter against God. I thought that I was justified in my frustration and anger. After all, as we are taught, not only does God give us the desires of our hearts, but He also places within us those desires that He wants to fulfill. Except time and time again, as the desires of my heart went unfulfilled, it seemed sometimes like God’s aim was a little off. All the people around me would get exactly what I had been begging for.

I would imagine that a lot of people have been there. Maybe you have even used this scripture to support your railings against God for not fulfilling a ‘desire of your heart’.

I am embarrassed to admit that, until just now, I had never really done any study of the scripture that so easily rolled off my tongue and held me hostage. A quick scan through shows me that Psalm 37 really lays out the expectation of someone who ‘qualifies’ for desire fulfillment. That is really the only way to explain it. It would seem that there are conditions to this promise.

The actual verse is “Delight yourself in the LORD, and He will give you the desires of your heart”. The next question that we need to ask is: what does it truly mean to “delight yourself in the Lord”?

I absolutely don’t measure up to the expectation that the Lord has set out. Why would He live up to my selfish and manipulative whining? Just the fact that I am even worried about my future shows me that I DO NOT trust Him. Don’t get me wrong, I trust Him for a lot of things. I trust that He always has a reason for whatever He allows to come across my path, however, I can’t always see that while I am in the midst of it. I trust in His love for me. I trust mostly in His forgiveness, goodness knows I make use of it enough.

How would my life be changed if I truly truly truly trusted Him?

If I truly trusted God, I wouldn’t worry about tomorrow, I would take His word literally, I would step out in faith more often. I would believe what scripture says about the future that He has for me. I would know beyond a shadow of a doubt that any job that I apply for and don’t get has a purpose in it. I might even make the most of every moment. I would not have to hold a grudge, or worry about a stolen item.

"Delight yourself in the Lord" is more like an invitation than a command. The New Testament says “seek first the kingdom of God”. There is almost a sense of work about that, as if it were a hard thing to do. Here in Psalms it sounds a lot more like an invitation to enjoy-as if that required a commandment! Delight!

What in your life is delightful? Delicate sandwiches, a little girl in a dress-up costume, an older couple holding hands, puppies sleeping curled up together. Delightful things bring a warm glow to your heart. They make the world seem less scary. You Tube is full of delightful videos… you can tell they are delightful because of the huge number of people who have viewed them! The whole world is attracted to the delightful.

We don’t just stumble upon delightful things though. Think of your busy days, full of movement and agendas, and getting things accomplished, you probably barely have time to finish your morning coffee before you are off (that’s why you stop at Starbucks on the way to work). Take a moment and try to remember the last delightful moment you experienced.

More to come on this.....

In Remberance

This year, I have more invested in this life. I have a Niece who will grow up in a country where she is free to express herself in whatever religious faith, or political view she chooses. Where there are men and women willing to stand in the way of harm on her behalf and to defend her right to those choices.

This morning, as we acknowledged Remembrance Day, we sang the national anthem I was struck by the words. I am one of the proudest Canadians you will come across.

"God keep our land,
Glorious and free,
Oh Canada, We stand on guard for thee...."

It belongs to all of us, to stand on guard for our freedoms. For some, that task requires weapons of this world, and for others, we take up the weapons of spiritual warfare. Whatever weapons you employ, I thank you, deeply, from the bottom of my heart.... Cayley (my niece) thanks you too.....

Leading the Culture

I am part of a group of women who gather once a week and we share our lives together. We laugh, we cry, we share one another's joys and pains. This is a lifegroup. There are things that we DON'T do. We DON'T gossip, or back stab one another.

I have never been experienced an environment where 40+ women share their lives without judgement or competition. This is strange because as we know, oftentimes women are so hard on one another and ourselves.

I have often stopped to wonder how it is that this is possible. Is it possible that we have found 40 of only women in the world who have no desire for gossip or backstabbing? Those amazing super-Christians we have all heard about but never managed to see??

Not at all! This weekend I saw the key to setting the tone.

We went to a women's' conference. There was complete peace and joy as we travelled. We had great conversations that ran the gamut from spiritual to the fun and a little crazy. I have not laughed so much in a long time.

One of the conversations we had as a whole group, one of the ladies shared a strange perspective on a topic. I recall thinking to myself "That was Odd" , but I didn't think too much about it.


A while later, as the big group departed and it was just a few of us left, one of the women jokingly made mention of the previous comment. In that moment, there was a beat of silence, we all had a choice: to pick up the mocking and begin to gossip, but, instead, I found that we all looked to Lori, and with a subtle shake of her head she shut down the whole conversation!

We went onto something else, and nothing more was said.

I realized, this was the key to the whole environment that we have fostered in our lifegroup! We all know that our leadership will not participate in or tolerate gossip or backstabbing. I know! I've tried, but nothing is LESS fun than trying to gossip with someone who doesn't participate!

As leaders, we have the opportunity to lead the cultures that we help create. We can choose what we allow into the lives of those we lead.

Collateral Damage

Anytime there is a move of God, there will always be a move to distract us from the experience. Something that will come a long to rob us of the fullness of the situation.

Last weekend, I was very much anticipating a conference that a few ladies were attending. All the week before, I had my antennae up looking for some of the chaos that almost always surfaces. Families fighting, people getting hurt, car accidents. Things like that often happen when there is a big event coming up. I was surprised to see that there was no drama. There was a little distraction from the resolution of an ongoing situation, but nothing out of the ordinary. In fact, I thought that the timing of this particular event was great because it took me out of a situation that could have been awkward. I didn't see anything out of the ordinary.

On the way to Toronto, I was slightly distracted by the above situation, but like I said, nothing beyond what one might expect. At first the van was very quiet-not at all what you might expect, then ladies in the van with me began to outline some of the ways that they experienced the Enemy's attacks to try and distract. Mostly it was fighting within families and discord. Each of them are mature women of God and so they realized what was going on and dealt with it. As we talked about these attacks, I felt my sadness lift off me. Like just by acknowledging the situations, I was free from the emotion.

That conversation broke open the weekend for us. From that moment on, there was laughter and deep conversations, and WAAAYYY more information about some subjects than anyone person needs to know!!

As we went through the conference, there were environmental issues (the room was hot, the speaker too loud) that totally distracted me. I continued to take notes but things really didn't sink in. The ladies were in our room until 3:30am and so the next day I was REALLY tired. I drove most of the way home (which took way longer than it needed to), got home, fell into bed, just to get up and run all the rest of the week.

On top of that, I have been fighting a cold/flu all week. The more I sleep, the more tired I am.

This weekend is an Encounter Weekend that we host at the church. It is an opportunity for people to do business with God. I am on the ministry team for that, so once again, I was on "high alert" for the attacks. I drove carefully all week, watched my relationships and was aware. I knew all along that the illness was directly related to the bookended experiences with God.

As tonight approached, I fought frustration and illness, someone even suggested that I go home!! Stupid enemy! He thinks that this is my first go 'round..... I stayed and we had a great evening, as the time to minister to the people came closer, I developed a cough, and my sniffles were worse.... I KNOW that this is all related.

What I am realizing though, is that in the midst of my busy week, I was unable to take time to process what I got out of the conference, I have not even had a chance to look at the notes I took, much less distill them into applicable points, or even thoughts to blog....

I wonder how much of the busyness of our lives keeps us from being 'still and knowing' that He is God. That by keeping us off balance, we miss the times with God. The Bible says that the Enemy comes like a wolf in sheep's clothing. Take a moment today, and see if there is any sheep that could be robbing you of something- if there is, you may think it is Godly, but pull back the covers... it might just be a wolf.

If you need me next week, I might not answer, I might just be in the midst of 'stillness'!

A positive trend

I have noticed something very interesting as the commercials for Christmas have rolled out. I have seen a couple of commericals for a couple of different chains where the message of the ad campaign the response that the gift gets as opposed to the gift itself.

In fact, to my recollection, in both commercials, you don't even see any products! Isn't that a strange yet amazing trend!

I wonder how the holiday would change in nature if we were more concerned about bringing joy to the person we were giving the gift to?

The Battle against Mediocrity

Potential
a latent excellence or ability that may or may not be developed.

Mediocrity
1. ordinariness as a consequence of being average and not outstanding [syn: averageness]
2. a person of second-rate ability or value; "a team of aging second-raters"; "shone among the mediocrities who surrounded him" [syn: second-rater]

My entire life, everyone has spoken to me about my potential, this untapped resource of brilliance, and.... whatever....... that might change the world.... or at least those closest God put in my path.

For some reason though, I always seem to fall just short of the fullness of my potential. I am in a constant fight against mediocrity. In so many ways mediocre is safer, there is no risk, no failure, no fear. Sure there is also no amazing high of success or grand adventure of life.

I have always had the sense that within me lies more, and it scares me.

Do you ever get the sense that something tough is coming your way? That perhaps you have advanced warning of a battle? I am determined to battle to take back this territory that was stolen from me before I had a chance to experience life there. This victory belongs to God, I merely sit in the truth of who God made me and follow His leading.

Obedience needs to be my weapon of choice. Here we go, over the wall into battle..........

The Glory!

I see the Glory of God surrounding me. There is a sense of the divine purpose of God, not just in my life, but the loves of those He has chosen to surround me with.

This past 6 months has life transforming. I encounter things now that just a few months ago would have overwhelmed me, or that I would have responded differently to. Sometimes it seems like God gives me a bird's eye view of my life in a moment and I can see objectively and I can see and feel the differences.

This can only mean one thing.... I being consumed by God a little more and more each day!

I can only boast in the Lord... HE is the author and finisher of my Faith, mostly though... He isn't done yet! I am so grateful for the lives of those around me who allow me to speak into their hearts.

About a Boy!

The last week or so has been a tough one. There has been a an ongoing situation that needed resolution, but I wasn't willing in my spirit to face the reality that was right in front of me- and everyone else. I had been praying for a time for this situation to resolve itself, and in a couple of quiet ways it could have been resolved... if I had paid attention, and really applied what those around me were saying. However, I just wasn't ready to let go of the hope that was in my heart. I wanted an easy way out that would require nothing of me and not expose me to possible humiliation or awkwardness, but the easy way often doesn't teach us what we need to know. I see now that God was readying my heart for what was to transpire. I wouldn't say that in the previous moments that I missed God or that I was disobedient, rather I would say that God was massaging my heart and conspiring with the angels to bring this about in His timing.

This summer has been an incredible journey of learning and drawing closer to God. One of the main themes was Marriage. I can name probably 10 moments in time, where God has downloaded (there really is no other way to describe it!) truth about what marriage should be. I don't know if you have ever experienced this, sometimes a truth just hits you and goes deep in your heart and something changes... an old idea is removed, peace comes and you know you will never be the same.

When God is doing something He really does it! Usually though, it takes us getting to the end of ourselves.

If you have been reading the last couple of entries, you will see the 'real time' recording of what has been happening in me. Here is the timeline.... over the course of last week, I met with my amazing mentor who reminded me that God's dreams for me are bigger than my dreams for me, received 3 emails saying that holy amazing women were praying for my future spouse-whoever that is, and that they couldn't wait to celebrate along with me. Friday, an amazing time in worship where God showed me that Only He is enough, Then Sunday's message was on Marriage (timely, hmm) , then following a situation that arose God spoke this to my heart! If that was it, that was enough...BUT WAIT there is more of God conspiring!!

This is the BEST part! All this happened on the weekend, it is now Tuesday morning.... already though, I have had 3 opportunities to share with specific people about these topics. Granted I am one of those people who processes out loud, and in real time, but God is ALWAYS faithful when I have experienced a major situation and learned something, He immediately puts people in my path who need to hear it too. So, I am learning, that no matter what I am going through, the faster I 'GET' it, the better it will be for those around me because they will need it too!

Last night, I spent a long time on the phone with an amazing woman whom I love, she was walking through some of the same things that God has been speaking to me about. Where just 48 hours before I was lost and broken and would have had nothing to offer in terms of healthy or helpful advice, I found myself pouring into her the Truth of God for her situation, and in the meantime, becoming more free in my own! That is the Abundance of God!

So really, it ISN'T About a Boy after all! He was simply the bait on the hook, that reeled me into the presence of God so that my life and the lives of those around me can be changed.

What hook has God got you on? What is He trying to teach you? Most importantly, WHO else is He trying to touch with your life?

Do you believe?

What are the deepest desires of your heart?

Do you believe that they are SAFE in the hands of God?

Take a moment, dig deep, do you REALLY truly believe that your dreams are safe in God's hands? Whether you wish you were married, debt-free, with child, or changing the world one life at a time in a job that you dream about... do you believe that your dreams are safe in the hands of God?

The immediate, logical, Christian response is "of course, God loves me, He put those dreams there in the first place." As I dug deeper into the dark recesses of my heart, I realized that I didn't feel like my dreams were safe in His hands. Too many years of hearing lies like "if you want it too much God will take it away" or "if you want to know if God is leading you, just ask yourself 'do I WANT to do what He is leading me to do?' if the answer is NO than it is probably God!" These are destructive lies straight from the pit of hell. Do I think that sometimes God removes things in our lives that are taking our attention off Him? Yep, there's that pesky little commandment "I am a jealous God, thou shalt have no OTHER GOD'S before me!" (paraphrased loosely by me!) Sometimes there are things that are in our lives which take over some of the space that God desires for Himself.

Do I think that occasionally God asks us to do something that sucks? Something that is Scary? Yep, remember Jesus in the garden? We must not, however take a moment of Scripture and build a doctrine on it. Just because Jesus wasn't excited about a grueling death, doesn't mean that everything we do for God has to be gruelling.

As I begin to see the depth of God's love for me, the truth of the salvation offered and the unconditional covenant of love God has with us, I see the error of my ways.

(On a side note, Pastor Jay's message this week on Marriage and what it is supposed to be is worth looking into here.)

I say that I trust God with the desires of my heart but then I whine to my girl-friends that there are no eligible men in the church. I say that I trust God with my finances, then over-spend and stay up at night searching for solutions and opportunities to get out of debt. My actions in no way reflect what I think I know.

God has a habit in my life, of bringing people and situations across my path to speak the truth, kick me in the butt when necessary, and then show me the stupidity of my actions or thought processes! Then, He not-so-subtly taps me on the shoulder and says.... see that? All ME!

Tonight, as I faced yet another roadblock on my journey, I sat with a good friend beside me who hugged me as I cried. She waited until I was done, and then spent time reviewing with me all the ways that God had prepared me for this very moment. While I was feeling stupid for ignoring the signs along the way, she reminded me of all the seemingly random emails I received from women I love who told me that they were praying about this very issue. She reminded me of the encounter I had with God just 2 days ago where He reminded me that only HE is enough. As we sat, an incredible peace overcame me, and no longer was I focused on the hurt, but rather on the truth of the love God has for me.

I see now that my dreams ARE safe in the hands of God... your dreams are safe in the hands of God. It doesn't always have to feel that way, but you know what... feelings aren't truth! I pray that God brings this back to me time and time again, until what I know replaces how I feel.

What is your dream? Does your life reflect the truth about the safety of that dream in the hands of God?

Only God is enough

I have amazing friends who love and support me and I them. They rally around me when I am down and know that they can call when they are in trouble or need. Never in my life have I had so much healthy support. Family is very important to me and since I have a small family, there has been lots of room for 'adoptees'. You know how sometime there are just THOSE people, who you click with right away, you feel like you have been friends forever, and they are of the quality that anytime you meet one of their friends, you instantly accept them because of who they know? It seems that I am surrounded by those people!!

Man, what a privilege!

You know what, though? As much as they love me, and I love them, as much as we support one another, fight for one another and pray for one another..... they are just people. I would never hurt them on purpose, nor they me, EXCEPT sometimes we do hurt one another. Sometimes it hurts if someone doesn't give you the hug you are begging for in your heart but can't bring yourself to ask for, or it hurts when, their joy sheds light on what seems to be missing in your life. This is the reality of living in a sinful world. We are subject to the sin in ourselves and one another.

Only God is enough.....

In this one statement, I can free myself from the pressure of having to be 'super friend', of feeling like I need to meet all their needs (even the unspoken ones I feel like I should have seen). It frees them to be human, it frees me to stop relying so heavily on them-even though they love being needed. As I remind myself that only God is enough... I am free.

When God is enough, everything is just the icing on the cake! Can you imagine how amazing a friendship that would make? What about a family? How about a marriage?

ONLY GOD IS ENOUGH!!!!

God, give me a revelation that you are enough for me, that you fill every need in my life. Tap me on the shoulder every time I forget!

I Quit

i'm tired...

There is no other way to say it. I have been just tired. Not physically tired, although that has been true as well, but rather, soul-empty weary. There has been so much that has occurred this summer and for the last season of my life, I feel like I have run a marathon everyday. Some days have been easy, and some days have been just plain sucked!

Through it all, God has been there prompting me, supporting me, loving me, stretching me.

The problem is that as much as I thought I was relying on God, it would seem that I wasn't. Tonight I was reminded that God is supposed to be carrying all the load, except when I insist on carrying it myself. Tonight I was in worship and all I wanted to do was lean against the wall and feel its strength and stability.

As I leaned against the wall, I realized that what I have been feeling is that I needed to be strong enough for all the people around me. I needed them to see that in the middle of this extreme walk of faith I have been on, that all was well with me. Except that I have had major questions, and major uncertainties, I was trying to carry it all on my own.

I was reminded tonight that:
He is my Rock,
He is my Fortress, my strength, my deliverer and my salvation.

In the times when I feel like I NEED someone, His love is more extraordinary, more full, more fulfilling.

I had a fuller understanding that even if the best man loved me to the best of any man's ability, it wouldn't be enough to protect me from hurt, it wouldn't be enough. It wouldn't be enough.

Only God is enough.

Until I get that truth embedded in my soul, there is nothing but heartache in store for me.

I am tired, and so I am just going to stop working so hard doing God's job... I officially quit!

Just one more moment in the Sun...

Today is an amazingly beautiful day. After a couple of weeks of rainy and cold weather, I was battening down the hatches for winter. In a city where we almost always have at least one snow fall before Halloween, winter comes quickly and always overstays it welcome! As the weather turns, I begin to admit to myself that the warm days are over, and that winter is soon coming, and inevitably I feel as though I didn't get in enough summer when it was here .

I suppose that we all come out of seasons that we wish we had taken more time to experience. Friends have told me that after they got married, they wished they had done more with their season of singleness. When we are older we wish we had done more with our youth.

The amazing thing about God though, is that He is the creator of the "Indian Summer". At some point, in every transition from summer to the cool of fall, there is a few days of reprieve. We call it "Indian Summer", the leaves are changing colour, everyone is beginning to change their activities to be inside and warm, when we get very warm weather. One last chance to sit out in the sun with our toes warm and the feeling of a stolen moment.

For someone like me who had trouble with the lack of sun in the winter, it feels like a second chance.

I think sometimes God is like that as well. He often gives us that 'one last chance' when all seems lost. The chance to redeem a friendship, learn a lesson, or stop and hear His voice. I think that He is always looking for every opportunity to tie up loose ends in our lives.

Take a moment today, soak up some warmth, and remember that God always makes a way!!

What tools do you use?

I recently picked up a book called Lady In Waiting; Becoming God's best while waiting for Mr. Right. Normally, I am pretty much against books whose whole idea is about waiting around to start my life after I get married. I almost didn't buy the book but then the preface said this:

"Lady in Waiting is not about finding the right man, but being the right woman. Thus it focuses on ten qualities of a Godly woman... (Pg 11)"

That is the heart beat that I want to get across to the single ladies around me. There is always another purpose. You hear time and time again that you will find someone when you are content and not looking, or when you are least expecting it. While that is often the case, the more you get told that, the more it becomes formulaic in your mind, and you never truly get to the part about "not looking"!

I have been thinking a lot about being around men, and protecting my heart, and making sure that there are no games, or any of the craziness that comes with singleness. I have been less than successful on the past, and for a while was doing what a some single Christian women do, I began to surround myself with mainly woman. to avoid any issues with men, I spent a season simply connecting with women.

Let's be honest, when you are single, hanging out with just single women doesn't help your chances to find love! However, I also don't want to be 'seeking' out men for the sake of just knowing if they are 'him'. So what is a single girl to do?

One of the Chapters deals with Virtue. As I was reading this Chapter one thought reached out and bit me- or at least that is what it seemed like! (Pg 53) "...whatever you used to "catch" a guy, you must also use to keep him." It went on to say that if you rely solely on games, or manipulation, beauty or deceit, these are the 'tools' that you must employ to keep him long term.

As one who has absolutely 'no game', I have long bemoaned the somewhat arbitrary 'rules' for dating and for this dance that singles do..... "you can't call him tomorrow, make him wait" or "if he hasn't called by Thursday, he doesn't get to see you that weekend". I HATE these partly because I am so bad at it all, but more so because I wouldn't treat my friends that way, so why would I treat a brother in Christ that way -especially if it is someone I think I might be interested in!!!!

So I pondered the 'tools' that I wanted to employ in my singleness to 'attract' the man that God has for me. Please don't misunderstand, I am not out preening and on display looking to 'catch' the man of my dreams, rather, I want to practice the qualities in my life that will be the things God's choice for me will be interested in. Everyone else need not apply. I don't have to worry that my intellect will turn of some guys because it won't turn off the guy!

So here's is what I have determined I will purposefully stock my 'toolbox with':

• Joy
• Kindness
• Generosity
• Openness
• Encouragement
• Hospitality
• Honesty
• Humour
• Gentleness
• Discretion
• Godliness
• Prayer
• Worship
• Integrity
• Authenticity
• Empathy and
• Honour

The good news is that employing these tools in my life makes me a better person no matter my status. I can put these to 'work' building the kingdom of God, and seeking God with all my heart. That way, I will be fruitful no matter what.... what a way to WAIT!!!

Purity

I came across an interesting passage today about purity. In my desire to continually be course correcting my day to day walk, I have recently been thinking and reading a lot about purity. Although sexual purity has been a lot of the thought process, it is also good to remember that purity covers a gamut of topics: our motives, our heart, our thoughts as well as our actions.

Physical purity has not been a big struggle in my life and I am grateful for that. But that doesn't mean that I haven't had to struggle in other areas. I suppose that most women know the battle that goes on in the mind to keep those thoughts on the straight and narrow, to ensure that the thoughts of a friend maintain the 'friendship' status in your head.

Another idea that has been dominating my heart lately is this idea that Disciples Serve. Pastor Jason did an amazing job of explaining our responsibilities as Disciples with the sermon found here called Disciple: Washes Feet. This idea that we have all heard 1000 times was simply presented in such a way that it changed my life and I have been seeking new opportunities to serve ever since,

So what does service have to do with Purity?? I am glad you asked....

1 Thessalonians 4:4-6 says:

4that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, 5not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God; 6that no one transgress and wrong his brother in this matter, because the Lord is an avenger in all these things, as we told you beforehand and solemnly warned you. (ESV emphasis mine)

For the most part, I have been thinking about Purity in terms of the benefits to me, but as with everything with God, it isn't about ME, it is about serving one another!! The kindest thing that I can do for the men around me, is to live a life of purity. The kindest thing that I can do for the women around me is to live a life of purity. In looking out for my brothers and sisters in Christ, I am able to honour God AND protect my own heart... that sounds like a pretty good deal!!

A crowd in the street.

One day last week, I attended a dinner party at a friend's place in an area of town that I had never been before! It is not the swankiest neighbourhood, but it is very established with lots of trees and older homes that have probably seen at least one generation within its walls. This is the type of street that is a wide boulevard, no sidewalks, and few traffic lights. Tree branches hang over the street creating a beautiful canopy across the road.


As I turned the corner I was very surprised. Up the road, I could see, probably 10 people walking around. I thought for a moment that I had happened upon some sort of community event, when I realized that these people were just walking around! At first glance, this doesn't seem to be an extraordinary event, except it was.

I live in the suburbs, as do most of my friends. Many of these friends are young professionals with good jobs and little kids. If I had to guess, I would say that the average age of the homes/neighbourhoods, that I spend most of my time in, is about 10-15 years. In these "planned" communities, there are trees, but they are small, providing more aesthetic beauty than true foliage, the streets are narrow, and driveways small. Most times, by 6 or 7 pm all the babies are tucked into their high-end cribs and the jogger strollers are put away in the garage. The adults are resting on the couch watching their flat-screen TV. People are not talking to one another because they have never met since it is tough to meet someone who simply presses the automatic garage door opener and drives inside!!


The way we set up our lives now, there are no crowds in the street!




I am grateful that where I live now, I have to walk to my car. It is parked around the side of the row of houses. In that short distance, I often see my neighbours, stop to pat a dog I have come to know and laugh at, or just inquire how some one's family is, or trade a quick comment about the hockey game. I know many of my neighbour's names, I know their grand kids names, and I know most of all that if I needed something I could ask. How do I know this?? As a first-time homeowner, I have occasionally had to ask!!

When I talk to my friends whose kids are all tucked up in bed, I often hear that people don't know their neighbours. How sad! How can you celebrate with them? Show concern for them? Or just be in their lives, and how, PLEASE tell me HOW, will they ever know that God loves them and has a community of people waiting to love them?

God, the City Planner

I came across an interesting passage in Ezekiel 48 today.

In this passage God lays out instructions for how the land and the city is to be allocated and laid out. God even goes so far as to say who will be neighbours!!

There is land to be set apart for the Lord, within that, they were to build the "sanctuary of the LORD" and it was to border on the land given to the priests. Each tribe was allocated land as they had need. A portion was to be set aside for the prince and a portion for a 'community garden' to feed the city workers. When you begin to look at these elements it becomes obvious that God has a plan for how we are to be in community together.

Isn't amazing that the God of the universe, with all the He has on His mind, would take time to plan out the neighbourhood for His chosen people. When you look deeper, it becomes clear that until this century, people's natural tendency was to organize themselves in this way.

Think about it.... Small rural towns, all over the continent looked about the same. Church at the centre, the church manse beside, parkland in the centre and some sort of community garden.

Can WHERE we live, impact HOW we live??

It seems to me that the more "big box" monstrosities that go up, and the further they are away from our homes, the more it disconnects us from the community that we are to be a part of. Gone are the days of Corner convenience stores where kids begin to learn independence by running to get milk, or sharing their 'fun money' with their friends. Kids no longer walk to the school down the street.

Is it possible that by disconnecting from our communities, that we are disconnecting some important part of ourselves??

How may I serve you?

What would happen if we began to serve one another?

What would change in the lives of those around us if we treated each other the way that we would treat someone we were trying to impress?

Recently the Lord has been speaking to me about finding different ways to serve those around me. This has nothing to do with more time commitments or commitees! I am passionate about having those around me feel loved and supported. By doing life together, I can ensure that people who cross my path feel served and like they deserve the best.

Is there an intentional action that you take to ensure that others feel served?

Thankful

This thanksgiving, I made a turkey for the first time. I also hosted dinner, and had all the people around me who were 'short on family' over to my house. We laughed and ate, and everyone contributed something to the meal.

At the end of it all, when most of the dishes were done -thanks to my amazing roommate- and the furniture back in place, I finally sat down. I was bone tired, mostly just from being on my feet all day. Yes I was tired, but only physically, in my heart I felt so filled up. To know that people had enjoyed themselves and that they had a good meal, and took home some leftovers.... what a feeling!!

I have discovered that I love to entertain. I am always so honoured when people choose to come to my home. I love it when they feel at home!

My home is a busy one, with 2 roommates and a plethora of friends who do crazy things like drop by to watch prison break on the way home from a course. Or this story:I was in the bath last week and I heard my very good friend Amanda's voice outside the bathroom door. She had knocked on the front door and come in. Thinking I was in the shower, she installed herself on my couch and waited. When she realized I was going to be in the tub longer than she thought (I was settling in for a LONG soak) she came up and let me know she was there!! LOVE IT! It turns out that while she was waiting for me on my couch, my other roommate came up the stairs (they have never met) and said Hi and continued on his way. You know you have a busy house, when the presence of a stranger on the couch doesn't raise ANY red flags!

I am constantly reminded that in my singleness, there are opportunities everyday to serve those around me, and that as I intentionally pour out my time and talents to others, that is where I am most fulfilled, and content.

For that I am thankful.

A Strange Conversation

Yesterday, just after reading this, I went off to the grocery store with it still in my mind.


As I was reading a magazine in the checkout, one of the guys from my old job stopped me and we got chatting. He is a new dad for the second time, and we talked about that. At one point in the conversation he said "So, I heard you had a big one!" I was TOTALLY confused, and asked him to clarify. He thought that I had a BABY! I corrected him, assumed that he thought I was someone else (we were never really that close), and updated him on what I am doing now. We had a nice chat and then parted ways.


Now, the reality is I was ushered out of my old job somewhat suddenly for reasons that still defy logic. Suffice it to say that I didn't get a chance to say goodbye to anyone. All he knows is that one day I was there, the next I wasn't.


As is often the case when someone makes a surprising comment, I began to outline in my mind why he might have thought that. The obvious is that he mistook me for another lady who did have a baby.


I began to wonder what in my weight before I left would have made him think that. But then I realized that if he thought that I just had a baby his initial reaction was that I probably looked REALLY great for just having given birth!!! At that point I had to stop myself from going down a dangerous path in my mind-it caught me so off guard. This is definitely a weak area in my life where I have to be careful not to spend any energy taking things personally!


In light of everything else going on and sometimes feeling like everyone just sees me as "the single girl", I choose to just enjoy the fact that there are those who just assume that I am 'marriage and mother' material.

Do you have a weak area that you have to protect lest you read into every comment?

Has it really???

I stopped this morning and realized that the ONE-Year mark of my blogging experience had come and gone and I didn't notice!

Well.... Happy Birthday to "Me!"

Many of you may not know how I came to be part of the blogging world so here's the story. I had had a particularly hard day at work, was feeling COMPLETELY overwhelmed by the way my life wasn't going!

Then I recieved an email that would change my life. Lori Boucher sent me an email inviting me to read her 'Blog'. I had not idea what a blog even was! As I read, there was something about this platform, that I really liked and I decided that I needed a blog as well.

I chose a name, I chose a background and off I went. I destinctly recall the feeling when I pressed 'PUBLISH' the first time I even remember where I was. It was very exhilerating to put something out there for the world to see. And then came the scary part! I had to tell someone!

Writing has been one of my strengths for a long time, however I was often too shy to share it with anyone outside of cards, and speeches. But I took a BIG risk, I sent an email to a few people with my heart pounding and waited.

There is something so vulnerable about that moment- but it felt right!

When I began, I truly didn't think that this was going to last. I tend to be a person who goes gung-ho at the begining and then tapers off. I think, like so many things in my life, that having someone to share the experience with was key to my success. And like so many things in my life, that person is Lori! With Lori's disciplned approach to blogging, there was always a bit of healthy competition -if she's posted, I should too!- and it served me well in that Blogging became part of my routine.

As I review some of the posts, I can vividly recall the event around what I was writing. From world events, to thoughful moments that the Lord took the opportunity to grow me in a certain area. It is amazing to see the process and

I am amazed to think back on all of the relationships, experiences, and truth that I have learned from being part of this community of bloggers. Words cannot express the privilege it is to speak into so many lives, even just for a moment each day!

A Scheduled Cry

There has been a lot going on recently. Very emotional stuff, and I am being stretched, and my faith is being enlarged. Prayers are being answered and God is good. There are days though, I have to fight the urge to crawl onto the couch, hiding away in my sweats and eat sweets, and there are days when I have reached the end of my ability to fight.

It used to be when I had so much going on, that I wouldn't allow myself to stop. I was afraid that if I stopped and FELT what was going on, I wouldn't have the ability to stop the dam from breaking.

The other day, though, I had a jam-packed day. All day out, an unexpected visit to the car dealership for expensive repairs, then coffee with a friend and an evening obligation. Through it all, I was feeling more and more like I just needed a good cry!

So, in the 45 minute gap between the dealership and coffee, I went home, and scheduled half an hour to cry!! I prayed and wept, and journalled, and then when my time was up, I wiped my eyes, brushed my teeth and off I went to the next thing.

That moment in time, when I allowed myself to feel what I was feeling, and then turn it over to the Lord, gave me the strength I needed to make it through- in fact, I felt refreshed!

Isaiah 40:28-31
28Have you not known? Have you not heard?The LORD is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.He does not faint or grow weary;
his understanding is unsearchable.
29He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength.
30Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted;
31but they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles;they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.

Do you ever schedule a time to just cry???

Practicing to Serve

First let me apologize for the delay... time get away from me and the promised post didn't happen!

How do we make service a lifestyle? I suppose that the answer to this is to just practice it! There are so may examples of the things in our lives that we practice to have incorporated in our lives.

One of the areas that doesn't come as naturally for me is in the area of my relationships with men. For a number of reasons, viewing men as a serving opportunity brings up a lot of defenses and excuses. I want so much to - when God's timing comes - be a great wife. I have learned through much observation that most of what makes a great wife is an attitude and lifestyle of servanthood. Notice I didn't say servitude! I want to tred very carefully here because this can be totally misconstrued... however stay with me and hopefully I can clearly communicate what is in my heart.

I have often said that sometimes there are multiple ways to fulfill the call of God on our lives. That if there is a hope deferred or a waiting for something, if we break down the core values of that hope deferred we can often find another way to meet the same end. The same is true with servanthood. My hope deferred is that of being a wife. I would be remiss if I didn't take this "in the meantime" opportunity to practice so that when the time is right I am not stumbling through serving my husband.

So what's a single girl to do? I have decided that as far as it depends on me, and within the boundaries of propriety and integrity, I want to serve the single men around me in a variety of ways, and at the same time, practice servanthood.

I can serve them by always being kind, always honouring them
I can serve them by setting up safe boundaries
I can serve them by ensuring that my conduct in dress, speech and action always errs on the side of modesty and caution
I can serve them by EXPECTING their best from them
I can serve them by encouraging them
I can serve them by feeding them! :-)
I can serve them by watching out for them in situations that might be compromising
I can serve them by providing advice and counsel regarding women (and that we like to have doors opened for us!)
I can serve them by praying for them
I can serve them by nudging them toward godliness, chivalry, and integrity

In all of these ways, I can invest in them with their best interest at heart. It is my desire to model for these brothers in Christ what a Godly woman is like to be around so that as they seek out the woman of their dreams, they are at full strength because they are topped up with honour and respect and the knowledge of how to be the best they can be. As well, I want to raise their expectations, to have them know how it feels to be treated well so that if someone treats them poorly they might think "this isn't what I want, even my friend Laura, who is like my sister, treats me better than this!! "

Often, our culture allows us to expect less of ourselves and especially the men around us. As a result, often there is nothing for them to strive towards. It is my earnest desire to change this because I know-and have experienced- that people in general, and men specifically ALWAYS rise to the expectations we have of them. I have decided quite simply to expect nothing but the best from the men around me. In that way, I can serve them, and practise what I want to have become a lifestyle.

Disciples Serve -Part 2

There are always the usual ways that we can serve one another... hold a door, say a prayer, make a meal or any one of a thousand other ways that we talk about in our culture of 'church'.


I have been thinking, though, that there must be more to this. There must be a deeper ideal if service is to become a lifestyle. It is too easy to get over-committed with 'service opportunities' yet feel like nothing more than a worker bee. So many times, there is no sense of purpose to yet another early morning at church or a last walk-through to check and make sure all the lights are off before locking up. I have, in the past, found myself overtired and perhaps a little resentful at the end of a long season of 'service'.


Someone has to do these things and I have no problem taking my turn, except, is it really service if I am grumbling about it, or if I have to constantly remind myself that serving is the 'holy thing'? What if there is something that I am missing?I am definitely a willing servant, but when service comes out of a mental assent that it is the 'right' or 'good' thing to do.


It occurs to me that servant hood must be a lifestyle. Not in terms of quantity of time serving, but rather in terms of motivation. It is the difference between someone who plays the occasional sport and someone who has sports as a lifestyle-it permeates everything they do. When service gets into your heart and becomes a lifestyle, you don't need to look for opportunities, and you don't need to rest from it. People for whom servant hood is a lifestyle don't have to think about serving, it just is part of their fabric.

Does Servant hood come naturally to you? Or have you had to develop it over time?

Next Time-Practising to serve.

Disciples Serve

At TLC, we are doing a series called Disciple. Last week, the topic was "Disciples Serve".
I have been thinking about all the ways that those around us can serve one another.

Jesus took a Towel, knelt down and washed the feet of His disciples.
He did what needed to be done but that most find either uncomfortable or unnecessary.

There are those in our society who lay down everything-their liberty, comfort, and sometimes their lives in order to do that which is necessary. We question thier choices, belittle their sacrifices but most of all we forget.


Nathan Hornburg was killed in Afghanistan:

This is his family's statement :

"He never shrunk from responsibility, no matter how difficult the call. In a way, that's why he chose to join the Canadian Forces, to serve with the King's Own Calgary Regiment, and in the end, to go to Afghanistan. He had a warrior's heart, never afraid to lead from the front, and encourage those behind him to be brave in the face of adversity. The fact that Nathan volunteered to go to Afghanistan, and the way in which he did so, were characteristic of Nathan's approach to life, and any major decision."

Image: Cdn. Department of National Defence

I feel compelled to daily remember those who are ready and willing to put themselves in harm's way for the betterment and protection of others. To those who serve us with their lives- THANK YOU!

Single Adults in Ottawa

There is a group attempting to unite the singles in Ottawa for social gatherings. There have been a number of events already hosted, some are outings, some are conferences etc.

The people involved have an amazing heart to see single people connected to one another. You can find out more here.

A Monday Pick-me-up

I am thinking today of all of the AMAZING women that I am going to see and hear from today at Lifegroup!

When we first changed the meeting day to Monday, I thought that I wouldn't like it, just because I would rather have something in the middle ofthe week. However, I am realizing that I LOVE starting the week with some social time with my sisters!

Lifegroup is different in so many ways from anything else that I have ever experienced. Especially ours. Somehow, even with 55 women there last week, it still managed to feel like family! Actually, I take that back... not "somehow.... it stll manages...." We worked very hard "ON PURPOSE" to make it feel like that! And we will continue to build relationships and listen to one another's stories, and "DO life together".

I am counting down the hours until we get together!!!

The Bride wore..... the right brand

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just,

whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there

is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.

Philippians 4:8

I don't normally watch commercials, thanks to modern technology, I record what I want to watch and then fast forward through them. One day last week, however, I found myself subjected to a commercial whose messages an subtleties have irked me ever since.

This commercial opens with a beautiful blonde, thin bride, doing all the things that brides do in the hot sun-throwing her arms up in the air and dancing around. We then see a trio of equally beautiful bridesmaids who have discovered that their anti-perspirant has failed them. Their coral-coloured strapless dresses have wet marks under the arms, and they are mortified. It shows them attempting throughout the day to do all the things that thier friend-the perfect bride- is doing but without lifting their arms. Clearly, they are hindered in this area, and these scenes are juxtaposed with the bride in her white, dry arm-pitted, strapless gown throwing the bouquet, posing for pictures and dancing with abandon, while her hapless not-so-smart bridesmaids are left to dance with the less-than-desireables.

At first glance, this is a funny commercial. Who hasn't stood in the blazing sun, in a dress that is made of material that shows EVERY little flaw? Who hasn't endured the stress of having to be at their best in less than ideal circumstances? It's kind of cute.... and no one truly begrudges the bride a perfect day where the messiness of life seems to take a vacation and gives her a free pass?

But let's look deeper..... this commercial essentially sends the message that the people who are worthy of marriage are those who have everything perfectly figured out, those who have discovered the secret to not sweating on a 100 degree day. That those who somehow fall short of the expectation should expect nothing but bridesmaid's dresses for the rest of thier lives- especially since they cannot even reach above their heads to catch the bouquet!

In this world of high expectations, low self-esteem, and a declining rate of marriage, do we really want to send the message that only the perfect people get married? Do we want to plant it in a young woman's mind that how put together she is will determine if she marries? Marriage is a sacred unoin and a treasure for those involved, it should be highly repected... but not too highly regarded. If we make marriage such a rare jewel-like diamonds for the rich, those who feel like they cannot attain it, could end up settling for a cheap knock off.

Do I truly think that one silly anti-perspirant commercial will change the way a whole society views marriage? Probably not, although there are some very highly-paid people in a marketing firm somewhere that hope thier message DOES change someone's thinking. They hope that the subtle-or not so subtle- idea that love and acceptance is contigent upon purchasing their product will cause thousands if not millions of women to go out and buy thier client's product-in fact they have gambled hundreds of thousands of dollars on that hope.

Modesty

In this process I have been on of losing weight, I have access to clothing and an appreciation for how I look that didn't exist before. For the last few months, I have felt better about how I look than at any other point in my life.

With this comes a lot of attention. Sometimes the attention is an appreciative glance from a stranger, often it is a comment about how much I have lost, but by far the most comments I have recieved have come from the girls around me who have known me for a time. Their comments often have the "You WORK IT, girl!" tone to them. Now, don't misunderstand me..... I LOVE the comments. I love it when my hard work is noticed. However, it has brought to mind some interesting thoughts about what and why I choose to wear what I do.

It is natural to want to feel like we look good. It is natural to see an appreciative glance from someone. That is built into us. The problem can come when we wear certain clothes to attract attention or to fill a need in our own lives.

I find that somedays when I am needing a little lift in how I am feeling, and I choose something that will provide that from others. I recall one day this summer when I was dressed up for an event and feeling 'sexy', my friends noticed, and my response was "I want to get hit on today".

I specifically recall this moment because it was at the beginning of a journey that I have been on for about 4 months. I see that in that moment, I was looking for external appreciation. Since then, I have thought often about the WHY behind the clothes that I choose.

This realization made me make some specific choices this summer. There was a certain pair of capris that I really liked wearing. I liked the way I felt like I looked in them, and I got a lot of compliments when I wore them. One Sunday morning, I was standing up at the front of the church worshipping, when I had this feeling like everyone could see right through my pants. I felt like I had a neon arrow pointing to my rearend. I was very self-concious about it.

I realized that this particular outfit made me feel more 'sexy' than beautiful. And I knew at the core of who I am, that 'sexy' is not what I want to be- nor is it kind to the men around me trying to live thier lives in purity. I decided then and there, that I would no longer wear those particular capris to church. And I actually only wore them once or twice more that season, and always with the feeling like I was compromising something of my purity by doing so. There is nothing wrong with capris or even white capris (which these happen to be), rather, as is almost always the case with God, it was the intent of the heart that was the problem.

Is there anything that others might find unusual that you do-or don't do- for modesty's sake?

Check out a very interesting survey on modesty here.

Embodied Destiny

What are you looking at??
You are looking at me holding my new neice. She is the newest member of the family and the first grandchild on our side.

What else are you looking at?

A little girl with some circumstances in her life that could present challenges.

You are looking at destiny. You are looking at untapped potential. You are looking at a young lady in the first 12 hours of her life.

God has ordained her for great things. He knows every moment of her amazing life that is stretched out before her.

You are looking at a Woman of God in the making. We are believing for our whole household to be saved- that includes this little one. You are looking at a little princess surrounded on all sides by people who love her and love Jesus. She is never going to be able to get away from LOVE on all sides!!

Without Titles

This week marked the beginning of a new season of ministry for the ladies of TLC. Last year, Lori began a life group for women that started with just 12 and then grew to 30ish by the end of last year. For the first meeting this season, 55 women showed up to find out what the fuss was all about. Before the beginning of this season, the facilitators sat down and tried to pare down our goals and “begin with the end in mind”. During all of our discussions one of the aspects of why we loved this Lifegroup so much was that no matter what titles you carry with you, people seemed to naturally leave them at the door. It was so safe to just BE WOMEN. As a single woman, I often feel as though Christian Women’s ministries are mislabeled, so often they are primarily focused on wives and mothers. Singles ministries are also mislabeled as so often they are just pity parties for those who would chew off their right arm in exchange for a diamond. There has never before been a place where I have felt a connection with so many others simply because we are all WOMEN!!!

One of the ‘rules’ for our lifegroup is that when we introduce ourselves to the group, we are not allowed to use titles.

As women, we often hide behind our titles: Wife, mother, girlfriend, daughter, professional etc. I recall so many times when I have asked women about themselves and I get a recitation of WHAT they are as opposed to WHO they are.

Since I am not currently working, I don’t really have a title so I thought I wasn’t going to have a problem, but when I got up introduce myself I found it very difficult. Almost like a game of Taboo where you have to describe something but there are certain words that are “Taboo”. Often under pressure, all you can think of is what you CAN’T say!

As the night progressed I realized that I wasn’t the only one who was stretched in this way. Many of the women who spoke actually had to write something down because this was so out of the ordinary for them! You know what? In those few moments, I learned more about those women –some of whom I have known for a long time!- than in all the previous times we had spoken. I heard about what these women are passionate about, and what is important to them. I could hear murmurs in the crowd as people made connections to what the women were saying.

I love that we are ‘forced’ to go deeper.

When you strip away the titles… WHO are you??

Reflections

Recently, I wrote a post about internal vs. external processors.

There were a number of really great comments in response, here they are.....

Waiting

There is a John Mayer song titled "Waiting for the World to change"

I feel like this has become my theme song for this season of my life. There are so many areas that are out of my control, I have no choice but to wait.

I am waiting to hear about jobs I have applied for, I am waiting for that time when God will bring my husband, I am waiting to hear about a family member's health, I am waiting for my niece to be born.

All of these situations are in God's hands. I trust in His ability to bring about the answers. This time though in between, reminds me of when I was a kid and had almost no say in what was going on around me. The uncertainty is uncomfortable, because not only do I not know the answers, but I also don't know the time frames.

Everywhere I turn I am faced with obstacles in my path. As each day passes, my faith in God's ability and willingness to provide for me, my faith must increase to levels I have never known before.

And I am waiting.... not loving it.... but waiting!

Believing the Best

There are certain core values that we live by at Life Centre. One of those is "Believe the Best". Esentially, it means that we believe that everyone is worth our time and God's time. It means that we extend as much grace and acceptance of where they are at in the moment we encounter them.

One of our leaders has a great saying that I cannot recall word-for-word but the underlying idea is that values are only values when they withstand the pressures of life. A value, in my mind is like a law of science, they work everytime you test them out.

This week, those values were seriously put to the test.

There is a situation in my life, where I have to stand back and bite my tongue and allow people to make the mistakes that they are going to make. This is a situation that has me unable to assist in anyway except to pray. I am learning that the kindest thing that I can do is to speak to the potential of the ones that I love.

Thre is nothing else that I can do. I don't like being in that position- I much prefer to have something to DO. Knowing that I cannot change the behaviour of others, I must choose to love in spite of what I see in front of me while leaving thier souls at the foot of the cross.

An Interesting Phenomenon

This blogging thing is a strange hobby!

Some days blogs come easy, sometimes it is hard. I was chatting this weekend with some of the other ladies I know who also blog, and we were comparing notes.

I have found, after almost a year of blogging, that when things are going well, I find it difficult to put together something interesting to write about. I have discovered about myself, that I process difficulty by communicating. I write, or talk, or pray, or just reach out. I have to process out loud. Sometimes that means that those around me find me in that crazy place of needing to talk about something, but not really being able to communicate it effectively. The reality is that these times are amazing for 'material' to blog about. However, in this process, I have learned to delay blogging about these issues in real-time because it is too raw.

On the other hand, one of the other ladies finds that she cannot blog when she is in the midst of the struggle. She needs to sort it out and then can share the end result. I love to read her thoughts and her perspectives because she always writes from a place of victory.

There are times when I wish that I was an internal processor; but I have come to learn, that when I communicate in the midst, it not only helps me get to the end, but it helps others.

Sometimes at the end of a battle, it is hard to go back and unpack those raw emotions, feelings and experiences because we see the victory. If you ask a new mom to describe the feelings before she started labour, she might not remember the small details because she is distracted by the miracle in her arms.

How do you 'process'? Are you and internal thinker, or do you chat your way to break though?

Little Prayers, Big God

How amazing, how wondrous is the love of God! With all that is going on in the world, sometimes we can feel as though our 'little' concerns or questions or problems are not worth the Lord's time. Have you ever held back asking a friend to pray for something because you thought it insignificant?

God is so amazing that our finite minds have a difficult time making sense of these lofty ideas. We only need to look to creation to see a glimpse of God. Scriptures over and over again show us that the creation around us is designed to bring Glory to God, so perhaps the understanding of God's omnipresence can be found in creation in order for us to understand it better.

This quote caught my heart:

The sun, with all those planets revolving around it and dependant on it, can still ripen a bunch of grapes as if it had nothing else in the universe to do.

-Galileo Galilei

As I read this quote I realized, that is it! That is how it works!! God, my God, the God of "more than enough" has more than enough to deal with all of life's situations! Big or small it doesn't matter. Do he grapes ripening on the vine steal any of the sun's ability to keep the atmosphere warm enough for us? Do any of the planets falter in their orbit because the summer is particularly hot? No, of course not! It would be absurd to think that!

Your 'little' prayer asking God to help you find your keys doesn't in any way distract from God's ability to protect your loved ones in need, or steal power from your petition to save your family member. There is more than enough God, and attention and "sunlight" to go around.

The more we learn to rely on God, the more He has the opportunity to surprise us with the answers to all of our needs- Big and Small.

Today, what is one 'little' prayer that you have been holding off praying because you thought it might distract God from the 'big' requests that are already on the list? What if we began to tell God about ALL of our needs? Wouldn't that take up all day everyday? Hmm.... maybe that is the point! Maybe, just maybe that's what 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 means when it says:

16-18 Be cheerful no matter what; pray all the time; thank God no matter what happens. This is the way God wants you who belong to Christ Jesus to live. -The Message (emphasis mine)

Renovations

It has been a great joy to me to be able to spend time at Church as the renovations are coming to an end. I like to see the progress as it is happening.

A funny thing happens though, when a massive renovation is taking place. It begins a new chapter in poeple's minds and hearts. As the furnishings and wall coverings change, attitudes also change. There is this idea that it is time to stop doing things the old way and begin anew.

I assisted one of our pastoral team with a revamp of their storage area. This department in the church has been using the same area for storage for a few years now, but as time progressed since the last renovations more and more 'stuff' has collected. Materials that we no longer use just sit waiting for attention at the boottom of cupboards. So we took everything out, sorted through, re-organized and added some amazing containers, now, it not only looks tidy and neat, it sets that department up for the next season.

It is sometimes the same with our lives. We let stuff pile up and we cram it into the back corners so that we don't have to address it. But eventually we cannot even function. So we take everything out and re-assess. I love that God is in the renovation business.

God is the ultimate "trading spaces" participant. I have friends who always seem to be changing up their home, a little paint here and a new piece there. But God, is ALWAYS looking for ways to rearrange, tear down walls, or recover. With God it is a constant state of changing ME from the inside out. Occasionally, I think that it would be nice to just rest and recuperate, but I know that the longer I rest, the harder it will be to get me going again!

So bring it on! Let's renovate.

Single Girl Moment!

OK, so here's the deal! As a single woman it makes sense that I have to do all the work around the house. I have heard the division of labour in a marriage can fall under the catagories of "Pink Work" and "Blue Work" AKA "stuff she does" and "stuff he does". With the blending of roles in my world I suppose it ALL falls under "Purple Work".. get it? Pink and Blue..... anyway!

For the most part I am happy to do what needs to be done. I don't often FEEL the effects of singleness. I get that my life is pretty great in a lot of ways. One of the main downsides to being single is that there is no other designation for the work, no one else to take on some of those aspects of homeownership that aren't "my gifting or ministry"! Some are obvious... I am intimidated by plumbing and electrical work, somethings are just too HEAVY for me to lift... those might fall naturally under "Blue Work". There are other things, though, that I would LOVE to delegate to someone else... most of these things have to do with smell.

I am not good with things that smell funky-I would rather throw out the Tupperware than subject myself to what grows inside from time to time, and I don't like discovering what might be clogging the drain. But most of all, the thing that I dread the most... happens every week and I dislike it every week is GARBAGE NIGHT. Since I was a kid, my chore was to collect the garbage cans from around the house and empty them. I HATED it then, and I HATE it now.

As strange as it sounds, when I think about the bliss of matrimony, garbage night becoming Blue Work brings me joy... I might have to write that into the vows... "I take you Laura to be my wife.... I promise to love, honour, take out the garbage, in sickness and in health as long as we both shall live..."

I DO!!!!

Don't Forget

One of my favourite TV characters is Jed Bartlett of "The West Wing". I love the writing of the show and the intellect of the wit. In one of the episodes, he addresses his friend about the possible fallout of a political scandal resulting from a previous drug additicton that was going to go public. With a depth of empathy that only Martin Sheen could muster, he says to his friend, the former drug addict:

"Don't forget the battles you have fought and won."

As we move into September and a new season, I am seeing in a lot of people a need to start fresh and a lot of pressure to make new beginnings and see new adventures. More than most, I get the need for growth and new adventure, however, in the midst of the changes and the newness, let's not lose sight of the battles that you have fought and won. Let's make sure that we are remembering what God has brought us through.

When September Comes

This scene presented itself outside my back patio door! A leaf, in it's fall glory just laying there, mocking me....

In the spring we celebrate the first Robin we see, because then it is REALLY spring- I count the beginning of spring from the first Motorcycle that goes by, but that's just me- but in the fall the first fallen leaf signifies both the end and the beginning.

I really like fall. It is my favourite season. I like the cool mornings and evenings and the fond memories the sun holds in her rays all day long. I like that I can open my windows without worrying about letting the cool air out. I like that the days become noticeable shorter. I like to see the changes occurring. With September, though, always seems to come a sadness. Every summer begins stretched out before us and seems interminable. I always have high hopes for the summer of things that I want to do, people to hang out with and growth to have happen in my life.

This summer though, was spent in process. I have discovered much about myself this summer. I have learned a lot about God as well. September feels like a new beginning often. It is not just the kids going back to school who feel it. I have determined that this fall will be productive and strategic and intentional. I will be putting into place a specific plan of action in response to this summer of growth. I have to be cautious not to make too many sweeping changes, but one thing at a time, and this will be a productive fall!

As the summer air turns cooler, trees pull the sap back from their leaves in order to protect it from freezing. The sap is the lifeblood of the tree. As the sap drains down into the roots to nourish them during the winter, the leaves begin to die because they are no longer being nourished. In order to survive the winter, the tree must slough off that which is not essential. In the same way, I want to pull back and evaluate and shed those things which are not essentials in my walk with the Lord. In this way, I can maximize the lifeblood within me to nourish those who God has called me to.