When Prayer is Arrogant

As the events of yesterday unfolded with the shooting at the War Memorial, I found myself glued to my computer monitoring 5 news agencies and obsessively refreshing my Twitter page to keep abreast of the situation.  I found myself consumed with the details, getting the latest footage, and sharing the updates with a few people with whom I was in contact.

And I prayed.  Breathless, Disjointed. Uncertain prayers.

Today, feeling saturated with all of it, I started out today avoiding Twitter and Facebook.

Then I panicked!  WHAT IF!  What if something happened and I wasn't online to pray about it?  What if people I know are in danger and I didn't have any idea?  How was God going to know what to do without my prayer..........

In that moment, I was reminded of a lesson I learned a number of years ago while I was overseas.  One of my best friends told me that she lost two grandparents within the space of 2 weeks.  I was BESIDE myself.  I was ready to resign my contract, pack my bags and go home.  Though I would lose out on a once-in-a-lifetime experience my sense of responsibility I felt required me to make that sacrifice.

And then there was a moment...

I don't often think that God has spoken directly to me but this time I'm pretty sure if you had been in the room, you would have heard His voice too.  It came in the form of a question  "Laura, you can't bring them back to life so what are you going to do?"  In a moment of clarity, and frustration, I realized this was a convealsrsation that was going to change my life.   I responded "no, I can't bring them back, but I can Hug her, minister to her and pray for her.  She NEEDS me!"

Oh how wrong I was.

In that gently firm way of God, the response was "really?  She NEEDS you?!  Don't you trust that I knew this was going to happen?  Don't you trust that I knew she would need someone to hug her, and minister to her?  I have people in place for that, no need to rush home, The one thing you can do from anywhere is Pray, then trust me for the rest."

This moment broke my heart as I realized indeed I had taken on this idea (and burden) that if I didn't pray it wouldn't happen.  I had experienced theological "mission creep"  Somehow, the amazing belief that prayer changes things so we must engage events around us in prayer had "crept" into my heart as a responsibility for the events around me.

In this moment I realized I had become arrogant in my prayers.

In the following months I watched from afar as people I love were diagnosed with Cancer, Diabetes, almost died in childbirth, and walked through the pain of losing a child.  Equally difficult has been the good times I have been unable to attend: graduations, birthdays, weddings, and school recitals,

Each of these moments reminds me that I am not in charge of the world (I need reminding of that pretty often!), and as much as I love those around me, and they love me, in those moments what they need more than anything is God, only He can truly give them what they need.

I will still pray as though my words have the power of life and death in them, but I am duly reminded that at the end of the day, it isn't about my prayers, its about God's sovereignty.