A long Wait

I arrived at the passport office today at 7:00AM! The office opened at 7:30 and it was a cold Monday morning. I thought that this would be a perfect time to go and take care of my passport. I headed down there with as much information as I could. I had some expectations about what I could and couldn't get done and the timeframes.

Recently, the US changed their rules about flying and you now need a passport, therefor there is a backlog.

As I came around the corner I was faced with a lineup....... a HUGE lineup.

When they opened the doors at 7:30 there were about 250 people in line in FRONT of me!!!! I couldn't believe it.

We did what any Canadian would do... banded together comrades in arms who had braved the cold to be in this place, laughed chatted, read our books and held in our frustration. I had a book (hardcover is a bad choice), a Magazine, my laptop and an empty bladder! I had prayed and given this time to God.

I am not a fan of lineups at the best of times, but this was nightmarish! Finally, at about 10:30 (that's right folks- 3.5 hours) I got IN THE DOOR. Then you go and wait.

This was a VERY trying time for me. There are a few things I don't like: wrong information, lineups, changes in a plan for really important stuff, and not being able to influence or find a creative way to get things done- I have learned that there is almost always another way!

I had done a lot of research on the website about requirements and options and expediting things along. My travel agent had told me not to book anything until I had my passport- which totally makes sense.

Here's what happened: first I had to call work and take 1/2 day emergency time-because I was this far I wasn't going to give up now!

As i get into the office and I am standing at the pre-screeners, she asks when I am planning to travel, when I told her she asked if I had proof I was travelling at that time. When I told her "No" she said that given the fact that I didn't have a ticket bought there would be no way to guarantee I would get my passport on time.

My response "WHO BUYS A TICKET FOR A FLIGHT THEY NEED A PASSPORT FOR WHEN THERE IS A BACKLOG AND NO GUARANTEES THAT THEY WILL HAVE A PASSPORT????" (I didn't yell- I just wanted to make my point in print!!!)

So I go and wait, and wait, and wait some more.

When I am finally served the officer at the wicket tells me a LONGER time frame than the pre-screener and we go through the same conversation.

At this point I am thinking "If I had known that, I would have spent the last 5 HOURS finding a trip and would have bought it online while I was waiting!!!!!!"

I tell her I want to pay the extra and expedite the passport- she says that they are not offering that anymore. I tell her I want to not have it mailed but go and pick it up (as I had seen 500 people do) , she said that they don't do that anymore!!!!!

The director decided last week that they couldn't handle the volume!!!

There was no sympathy, no empathy no NOTHING!!!!
She gave me a 1-800 # to track the status of my application. That would be great except I stood in line with a lady who had just stood in line BECAUSE SHE HAD CALLED 50 times last week and couldn't get through, but couldn't bear the thought of leaving her 6 year old son behind when they travelled to Disney THIS SATURDAY!!!!


So based on USELESS information, I have a USELESS ph# to track a passport that I might or might not get before I need it, but if I do happen to get it, there might not be space on the trip I want to take.

SUPER!!!!

Here's the kicker....... the ONLY reason I am even in need of a passport is because I am exhausted and STRESSED out!!!! This isn't helping.

So I have submitted my application and all I can do is wait-not my best quality :-)

As the day has gone by, I am beginning to wind down from the emotion... I am beginning to see how God is using this extreme SANDBLASTING moment to refine me... I am not gonna lie to you... it hurts and I hate it!

So now I reset my expectations, put on my thinking cap and come up with a contingency plan.

What is God going to do in this? He can-and will cause good to come out of this.

I was struck again at how often we do what we think is the "right" thing, and we step out in faith and perseverance. Occasionally though, things are not waht we expect. And honestly, if this is the worst I have to deal with this week, month, or year... really.

The scripture came to mind this evening.. "when you have done all that you can, stand"

The beginning of a Journey....

As you know, I feel I have been 'released' by God to take a vacation....
I thought that this was going to be a very fun & SIMPLE excercise.

I WAS WRONG!!!

The challenge is this: I don't have a passport- yet. With the new Fly rules into the US, you cannot cruise or fly without a passposrt. Everything that I am being told is that there is "no way" I will be able to get a passport in time.

I have done everything that I know to do to speed up the process. I entered it all online, but when I went to print it, the government's print server DIDN'T work!! It was jammed up with all of the procrastinators who waited to the last minute even though they knew they were travelling and needed a passport.

So with a 'short cut' taken away from me, I am here, at 6:24 AM having switched a shift to NOON, I am on my way downtown to present myself, my supporting documents and my Credit Card to attempt to get a passport.

I am working really hard to leave all of the details in God's hands. I have thought in my fatigue this weekend, that if it is this hard... maybe it isn't of God. However, I am learning that sometimes the things most worth having are working the hardest for (thanks Nic).

I will pursue this as long as it makes sense to do so, and then I will need to look at other options.

Off I go.... check out the timestamp Lori.... I think I beat you to the punch this morning :-)

A change in VOICE

I have been finding that my VOICE is changing. By that I don't mean physically, I have not revisted puberty- thank you Jesus! Rather, I mean that the way I want to communicate through this Blog has changed.

For a time, I was writing in the tone one might use in a diary. Soemtimes, I find that when I speak about situations in my life that have taught me something, the response is about the event not the lesson learned. I want to speak more to "you", and give more time for the lessons learned, and so occasionally it could sound like I am telling you what to do, or that I have it all together. Here is the *** DISCLAIMER*** I am under no delusion that I know everything, or that I have it all togehter.... I have learned some hard lessons and want to be able to share them.

I want this Blog to become a forum for discussion.. much like the post on Tithing, my view will differ from yours, or be completely off the mark (be careful I might test to see if you are paying attention!!) , I want to hear from you. I will try and do what others do for me... leave you with a thought provoking question.

So here is your call to action.... suit-up (thanks Barney!) and lets chat.

Amazing God!

I am so amazed when God meets an "over the top, too big to even ask for"... prayer request.
As anyone who has ever owned a home knows that there is ALWAYS something that needs doing, to be purchased, or paid off. It is a careful balance requiring timing and sometimes a little finesse! There is often little left for things like vacations, if unexpected money comes in, it usually is allocated before it has a chance to increase the balance on my account!

On my wish list for this year is to travel to somewhere warm and relaxing. It was an "if only" prayer, and not one likely to happen. I had been thinking a lot about a trip and how a true vacation would greatly improve my life. I have not been sleeping well and I have been living in a state of mild exhaustion. Just this morning I had decided that a vacation was enough of a good investment that I could take pull what I needed from my line of credit and work it out after my tax refund arrives. I felt really good about this, and there was a peace that comes when God is at work.

About halfway through the day we got word that the company had done so well compared to our goals that we are each getting a bonus. It is about double what I would need for a great vacation.

My immediate thought was all the "better" things that I could do with the money. However, I kept going back to the idea that I 'needed' to take this vacation. I called a couple of people close to me to find out about travel agents, I knew they were going to ask why and I was preparing myself for a pause as they thought of all the 'better' things I could do with the funds right now. Instead they both, without hesitation, said that it was a good idea!

So I make plans, and pray for the right price, the right place, the right activities and the 'right' to go (by that I mean that this will truly be the only use God has for the money).

I am so grateful to God!!!

It's that time of Year

We just got through Christmas, I had my birthday and it is Tax Season.
I thought this would be a great time to share what God has been doing in my life regarding Finances.

God is an amazing God and my provider. I believe that God uses something that is unique to each of us to teach us fundamentals. I love that God speaks to us in the language of our lives. When Jesus spoke to the fishermen, he used fishing parables, when He spoke to farmers He used farming parables, when God needs to get my attention it is usually through Finances.

I work in the Financial Industry, I grew up learning key financial principles and concepts from two of the most successful people I know. My mother taught me all about the different products, how they work, and how to use them succeessfully. My father modelled for us the principles of living on less than you make, and how the little things over a long time can add up to a lot.

He is the one who taught me how to think in a way that made me realize that the $1.00 Tea I bought at work each day, translates to 1 car payment per year.

With these 2 amazing people in my life, I felt pretty confident that I knew what I needed to do. But I forgot one MAJOR element.... GOD.

In my time of deepest need, God spoke to my heart and I realized that finances would be both a strength and a weakness. Sampson's hair gave him his strenghth, but it also became his downfall when his pride distracted him from his purpose.

I believe that for everyone there is a trait, ability or characteristic that can be like Sampson's hair in your life.

As I said, for me, it is finances. I have to keep short sin accounts with regards to money, I have to make sure that my motives are right and that I don't allow pride in my ability to and eagerness to give, get the best of me.

One of the practical ways that I keep the accounts short is by tithing on EVERYTHING that comes through my hands. I have had to get right into the details with this one.

A very specific example, is with my store and credit card points programs. I have become an absolute expert in milking the most out of all my points programs. I was adding it all up one day, and last year I "made" about $500.00 from points programs. I realized all of a sudden that this was a source of 'income' and that God expected ME to tithe on that amount.

I am not saying that you need to do that, but I needed to. Let's go back to the main point. You have something in your life that God uses to draw you in closer, have a deeper, more intimate walk with him..... you might think that you have done what God has asked, but perhaps there is yet another level that He wants to take you to in that.

What is it that God uses in your life??

The Best Birthday Ever!

Saturday was my birthday, and friday night I had the most amazing get together with a small group of close friends. We chatted, they blessed me and they brought all the food!!

It is amazing to see what God can do with a group of amazing ladies.

Thanks for all of you who came out! It was the best birthday!

See you next year :-)

Fulfillment of A Dream!

The article is up at Lifecentre's website!! I am so excited!

At Christmastime I was chatting with a member of the team that produced the Christmas Gala CD. I asked about her experience recording in the studio, her response was "it was a dream come true, a dream that I didn't even know I had!"

I feel the same way about this writing, this has untapped a dream and passion in me that I didn't realize the depth of before now!

Enjoy!

The Gauntlet has Been Thrown Down

It is a difficult thing to find out early in the month that the goals I set for the month at work will not be achieved and I will not qualify for my bonus.

This is especially frustrating since part way into the month I decided I wanted to reach for a moreaggressive goal, so I back tracked and made up the difference. It feels like all that hard work was for naught. My first response was, well, what is the point then? Why even try.

Normally, I would have given up and coasted through the rest of the month knowing that I get a fresh start in February. I had to stop my thoughts in their tracks and look at this situation from every angle. And I decided that I have a choice!!

I can choose to focus on rocking the other aspects of what I do, and to not lose my focus. Take it as a learning experience and move forward!

This is my opportunity to be Jesus in this situation. To persevere even when it is difficult, even when there is nothing "in it" for me!

For most of you, this attitude is par for the course, for me though it represents a major shift in my thinking.

In everyother way this WILL BE a STELLAR month at work!

Buttons and Bg Dreams

I went yesterday and bought an "EASY' button.

All day as I tackled projects in spite of my fatigue I 'rewarded' myself by pushing the button, and it made me want to do something else.... more than that it made me SMILE!!!


Something else that I am very excited about, and one that fits in the "Harvest" catagory! I am excited to let you know that I was asked to write an article that will be posted on Life Centre's website!!

With this, it feels like a door has been opened and it is the beginning really exciting things to come!

The simplicity of achievement

I have spent a lot of time trying to figure out why I do some of the things that I do. Whether it is stay up too late, eat too much, not keep my house the way that I would like to, or why I don't do so many of those thousand things we need to do each day to be really productive. I will often make a list of things to get done, and then for no good reason abandon it in favour of wathcing TV, or something else equally useless.

The oddest part of all of this is when I do have a very productive day, the feeling of accomplishment in that can fuel me for a week!

I realized by looking around me that a big trend is not finishing projects. A closet half organized, a home improvement project done to about 99%, but with wall plates left off or tools out. Someone once told me that it was likely a fear of failure, that as long as something isn't done, I can talk about the potential (Don't forget, I am a vision caster and a big ideas person), without having to face the perhaps getting a bad response to the final product.

At work, recently we have instituted the use of an "easy" button. Just like in the Staples commercials. When pressed it says in that voice "That was Easy". We use it to mark each sale that we make. It provides recognition for each person who pushes it, but more than that, each time I hear it, I do think "that WAS easy". It is amazing when you hear "That was EASY" 60-80 times a day, it begins to resonate in your mind and it can creep into your spirit.

I recently read an article about the science of procrastination!! **
Here is part of it:

[Dr] Steel has also come up ...... with a formula he's dubbed Temporal Motivational Theory, which takes into account factors such as the expectancy a person has of succeeding with a given task (E), the value of completing the task (V), the desirability of the task (Utility), its immediacy or availability (Ã) and the person's sensitivity to delay (D).It looks like this and uses the Greek letter Ã:

Utility = E x V/ÃD
** http://www.kevinmd.com/blog/2007/01/formula-for-procrastination.html

It is not necessary that you follow and absorb all of the above, but take away just this. As you know from math class, any number that you multiply by Zero will always be the same..... ZERO

Based on this formula E is the value representing the expectation of success. If your expectation of success is very low than you are more likely to procrastinate.

My plan is to continure to convince myself of my ability to accomplish each task as it comes up, and to keep the refrain in my head "That was Easy!"

You know what... Add that to the list.... I am going to buy an EASY button!

Later!

Captivated!

Something great happened today that makes me fall in love with God a little more!
As you know, my New Year's Resolution is to become Captivated by God.

In recent months I have felt very "cared for" by God. Things that I am responsible for are sometimes done for me, or things that have been difficult, are suddently easier. I try and mak sure to give credit where credit is due.

This morning, as I walked out the door, I realized that someone had shoveled my walk for me! This was not the first time it had happened! It frustrates me to not know who to say "Thank You" to, but I know that God will bless them for doing that.

More than ever before, I am feeling taken care of. Let me tell you, as a single woman, it means the world to me.

Thank You Lord!

More Harvest news!

As promised, I will, over the next little while, delve into the many areas in my life that are experiencing a harvest!

For some time, I have been feeling as though I need to go deeper in God and with God. And in that knowledge I realized that I cannot do this alone and have been looking around for a mentor who would be able to walk alongside me. As I thought of myself and my personal style I realized that the normal mentoring method of meeting over coffee, pouring out my heart doesn't really suit me. I learn from hearing how others who are successful so things, and from discussing specific situations to find the principle.

On another note I began writing this blog as an opportunity to write and share with others. OVer the course of this process there developed a community of Bloggers who share comments and thoughts. Sometimes something another blogger writes about will spark something that I will chew on and then perhaps blog about what God speaks to me regarding this idea.

I have found that as I am getting 5-6 different points of view each day, I begin to see patterns that emerge in what God is doing in other's lives. I particularly love Lori and Jay's individual blogs! I am never at a loss for interesting questions to ponder.

With Lori's blog there is always lots of scripture and encouragement, Jay's blog is full of profound, high level thoughts as they relate to leadership, hockey, and Apple! On Tracey's Blog, I am getting an inside look at the challenges that even the most amazing marriages face. With Three Beautiful Things, I am reminded that everyday there is something good in each day. There are so many others.... all of which add to the joy of my day.

Of course this list is neither exhaustive nor complete.. please don't be offended if I didn't mention your blog.

I began to realize that I was getting glimpses into the lives that I hold in such high regard, and by investing in thier blogs, they are investing in me! How great that God would allow me to be mentored by so many amazing things. Know that if I have left a comment or a response on your blog it is because what you do truly makes a difference. There are days when an encouraging thought that someone shares, changes the course of my day and causes my heart to become even more Captivated by God!

Harvest Time

This year is starting out really well!!

I had written a great post a couple of days ago and for some reason it didn't post! It was profound, and now it is gone!! :-)

Here we go again

Already this year I am starting to see the harvest of all the hard work over the last few years!!
There are hopes and dreams that I have had on my heart that are beginning to come to fruition.

I am surrounded by amazing people and for the first time in a long time, I have a solid group of friends of many ages and stages. There are those in my life who are mentoring, some are walking the same path and others are a couple of steps behind because of their stage of life. I love that I am able to be poured into and to pour into others.

I have intentionally sought to have balance in the giving and recieving.

It feels like a breakthrough year!!

Breakthroughs in Finance, LOVE, Friendship, Intimacy with God, I am starting to see some of my dreams beginning to come true!!

As we walk through this year, I will seek to be very attuned to those harvest moments and I will share them with you.

A mid-winter re-run!

Given the nature of the season I thought this would be a good reminder:


I would love to say that I went on vacation to some remote and exotic spot and found my sanity and came home with tanlines, digital pictures and maybe some stories to tell, but I have not been away in quite a while. No the vacation that I refer to is someone else's.

As a homeowner I have had to deal with all sorts of creatures: squirrels who like the cotton on the inside of my BBQ cover, a spider who live in my kitchen window - I have named her Charlotte - and the unknown animals whose droppings appear in the oddest places; but nothing could have prepared me for the biggest annoyance to anyone's life. The saddest part of this whole story is that I brought some of them with me when I moved in!

These horrid creatures that I refer to are the "shoulds". Let me tell you all about them. By day, the are adorable and cuddly and have the shape of good plans and intentions. When you think about the shoulds during the day you can be comforted and optimistic. I speak of course of those good things to do that rise us above the level of just existing. Things like: I should make cookies for my neigbour. I should clean out the guest room closet. I should research furnaces before mine dies so that I don't have to make a hasty decision before the snow flies. The shoulds are not things that you have to do like get up and go to work, pay your bills, or shower. Shoulds are all those things that you think separate you from all those poeple who have it all together.

I have a theory that Martha Stewart is the Queen of the Shoulds she brought them into our lives and they have taken over. It is all that pressure to do the things that we think will make us better people. During the day.... no problem, we make our lists and our plans and we feel all warm and fuzzy that we have the ambition to think of it!

The problem happens in the dark. There is a genetic mutation in the Shoulds, that causes them to turn evil and mean when the sun goes down. They become these ugly, hissing beings that crawl into bed with you and whisper things in your ears. Things like "you should have washed the floor today" or "that thank you note you meant to write, is too late now, you should have done it sooner" and they lie to you and ask "who will ever love someone who lives in a messy house" or "How will God ever trust you with more? You bought lunch when you should have packed it."

My house seemed to be the epicentre of the global infestation of the shoulds, and the problem seemed only to get worse the more I tried to ignore it. The shoulds were torturing me, clinging to my clothes and dragging me into their sick little reality. the house, the car, the hair, the weight, the job, the shallow relationship with God...... there seemed to be no end to the ways that I was failing dramatically..... to hear it from their perpective, you would think that I was no better than a reprobate sinner, who cheated little old ladies out of their life savings. The evidence around me didn't support the argument, but I believed the lies anyway.

The whole purpose of the Shoulds is to keep you off your "game", to sabotage what success you DO have by focussing on what you missed. Kind of like a parent whose first response to a grade of 98% asks "What happened to the other 2%?". I think as women we do this to ourselves so much. As single women it carries the weight of negating our "qualification" to ever find love and happiness- so it is a double whammy!

As I said, I was mired in the Shoulds to the point that I couldn't even see the good things that had nothing to do with my performance, it was just all bad. And then during one particular phone call with Nicolle (amazing friend by the way), she suggested that I not be so hard on myself and that I could let a few things slide. All of those shoulds that don't matter and have nothing to do with financial obligation or safety. Since I was already good at justifying my way out of housework etc, I figured that I had the basic skill to accomplish this particular mission, just let it go. So off I went with a new sense of purpose getting rid of the shoulds.

Day 1: "You should clean the kitchen" said the should on duty.

"I don't FEEL like it" I replied

"What if someone sees the mess, what will they think of you?"
(Here's where it gets good.)

I said "I DON'T CARE! What are they going to do? Stop being my friend because there are some dishes in the sink?"
And then....
Silence.....

I had rendered the should silent!

Day 2: "You should vacccuum"

"No, I don't want to" I replied, and paused.

This time though, when I paused, I thought of all my favourite people, and I tried to imagine them coming into my house with an unvaccuumed floor, and what their response would be. Amazingly enough, I couldn't think of one important person who would stop being my friend because I hadn't vaccuumed!!!!

The should had no response... he just turned and walked away

Day 3: I was at work, and it was almost lunchtime. I had started having co-workers over for lunch, they would bring thier lunches and we would eat together- but normally I would do a mental check of the state of my house before inviting them over. On this day, the house was a mess-I had been ignoring the shoulds. I took a big risk and invited them over. Guess WHAT! No one mocked me, or ran screaming from my house, and they all thanked me for my hospitality!!

When I got home that evening, the shoulds were all lined up at the door, suitcases in hand, and announced that they simply couldn't work under these circumstances and that they would be leaving for vacation, and that I was on my own. And so I was free from the shoulds, for a time.

So there was peace. After a time, the shoulds returned. But an interesting thing had happened while they were away. A colony of want tos moved in! They applied for permanent residency. The shoulds were a little upset, but then they realized that when they work together with the want tos, more gets done, I am happier and we all sleep better at night. And somewhere, the Queen of the Shoulds abdicated her throne and is enjoying life immensly.

Things that Last

One of the headlines on CNN.com read: Ford remembered for his Inegrity. Another reported that Ford chose to keep his faith private and it cost him the 1976 election.




Even in these crazy times where there is a battle against all that we believe and when the media would tell us that society no longer embraces the values of goodness, piety, virtue and integrity, something serves to remind us that God raises and topples Presidents, Kings and Dictators. He is ultimately the King and that His ways will prevail. I believe that in our inmost beings we are attracted to the things of God- the things that last, even though our sinful nature tries to convince us otherwise.

I am so grateful that, when my eyes are open to see, all around me there are reassurances that this "narrow" road I am walking is leading me where I want to go... straight to the heart of God.

It is my prayer that through the celebration of Ford's legacy, even the people with the most selfish motivations will see what lasts and what brings acclaim is integrity.

God has captured my attention! :-)

BTW: If you are looking for some real-time mentoring and some scriptural edification about the perfection of God and His ability to complete the work He started in You, Lori is doing a series. Start Here and work your way through it!

Exercising my Perogative

There is a phrase that says "It is a woman's perogative to change her mind"- heard first from my mother. Today I would like to exercise my right to do so today.

My last post (read it) said that I was resolving not to make any resolutions. However, God has once again stepped in and moved something around in my heart and life!! I am so glad that He did, but it necessitates a new direction.

Saturday night I had a night out with a pair fabulous women. We chatted-as women are wont to do- about a variety of subjects. The book Captivating is close to all of our hearts because we have all recently gone through it with our life groups- if you havn't read it.... take the opportunity, I promise it will change your life. We discussed a number of aspects of the book and our New Years Resolutions. The part of the book that hits me each time I read it, I the part about feeling like too much and too little at the same time. It is because of the insights gained from the book that much of the clutter of "should do" has been removed and I am taking a realistic approach to what can and cannot be accomplished- and influenced my previous resolutions.

It is an amazing book that allows you to realize how "Captivated" God is by YOU. Not what you do or not in spite of what you don't do.... HE is CAPTIVATED by YOU, period, end of though....


As I drove home that night, I know that one of the ladies was praying for me (because she told me!) and as I drove and prayed and cried a little about what we had shared, an amazing peace came over me. The hurting that I felt was calmed and the peace turned to thanksgiving.... for who God is and what He has done.

And then it came to me...... I want to become CAPTIVATED by GOD!!!

Instead of seeking His will and purpose, His direction and His teaching.... I am going to seek HIM.

I began to thing about what happens when something- or someone- captivates your attention. I wondered if that can be purposefully nurtured into captivation. Indeed it can. If you think of something or someone who captivates you, go back to the very beginnings of that relationship. Something caught your eye and heart initially and then you seek out opportunities not only to be with that person but to learn more about them. Your radar goes up and is acutely aware of everything that is even remotely related to that subject or person.

That is my plan also.... be on the lookout and search out WHO God is.

The fun part is that since we can only love God because He FIRST loved us, I know that HE will find opportunities to jump out of the perverbial bushes and show Himself to me in new ways-in fact on Sunday, one of the scriptures Jay preached on was "seek first the kingdom"- what better way to get a glimpse of the kingdom that to get to know the KING.


HAPPY NEW YEAR!!