A little at a time

At the end of each year, I have compiled my Blog posts into one big document so that if something happens with the website, or just so that I can see the sum total of my effort.

To date, my blog entries make up 151 pages at 12 point font and contain 63310 words! Isn't that crazy. I suppose that it just goes to show you what can be done with consistency. Many blog posts are less than a page.

I am working on a project where I will need to choose 2 or 3 of the 'best'from this year.....


Any suggestions?

Amazing God

We serve an amazing God!

For Christmas I recieved the BBC's Series called Planet Earth. It is amazingly shot and beautifully put together. There are stories of animals that I didn't even know existed!!!

While watching each episode, I am amazed by the creativity and overwhelming plan of our Creator. I am reminded that He takes care of all of our needs.

Just for Fun

So I have been asked a number of times this year about who I would like to smooch under the mistle-toe. I always have a hard time choosing, because I am not one to smooch just anyone. Lori asked for ONE person but, since its Christmas, and its MY BLOG, and I make the rules... AND because there is no one in my life to offend with this, I have a LIST (plus I couldn't just pick one.... the world is my Oyster. Enjoy

All of them are my favourites for different reasons and in different seasons...

I will let you figure out which one I am referring to here!!

A delectible selection don't you think??? Hope, I KNOW that you like the baldies!

In doing this exercise, I may have discovered something about my "type" I didnt think that I had one, but... maybe I do!! I am sure that there are many many many who should be on this list but who have escaped my thinking but this is a good start!!

If it was....

If you knew this was going to be your last Christmas, what would be most important aspects that you would insist were present? What about if you knew someone you loved wouldn't celebrate another? What then?

I suppose it is a melancholy question for such a wonderful time of year, however, we are a nation involved in conflicts around the world, and not everyone has the luxury of oblivious abandon assuming that this is going to be like every other Christmas, and that there will be many more.

Statistics would likely tell us that at least one of the people who reads this post will experience some sort of loss between now and Christmas 2008. I wonder, as we go into this day, would you be happy with the memories you made?

This hits particularly close to home this year as a few people I know are preparing to deploy to Afghanistan next August, the reality is that they will not be home next Christmas, and as hard as we pray, and as much as we hope, it is also possible that this could be their last Christmas. I wonder if they are doing anything differently this year? A friend of mine told me that his whole family was going to be away this Christmas, it wasn't until later that I wondered if there was more to this trip than just a 'change of pace'.

I ask this not to put a damper on your Christmas celebrations, rather it is my hope that this sobering thought will make you stop for a moment and appreciate all that you have right now.

I challenge you, make a memory this Christmas, one that would be enough to get you through forever.... I would wager a guess that what makes those types of memories is not as much about what sits UNDER the tree, as WHO sits around it.

If you or someone you know is deployed... know my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family!

p.s. I KNOW you!

There are few things that render me speechless, one of those things is an intensely emotional experience. Occasionally a movie will be so profound in its emotional storyline, that I need time to process it before I can speak about it. There are those experiences that make you feel like you want to go home, curl up in bed and just cry because you have spent the last few hours holding in the depth of emotions because one just doesn't blubber in public. I had one of those experiences today, I went to see P.S. I Love You. Watch the movie trailer and you will get a pretty good idea about the story.

I usually avoid girly movies like the plague, I find that they are not good for my heart, especially 2 days before Christmas!! I don't need to see another Hollywoodized story about 2 people falling in love. I much prefer the simplicity of men blowing stuff up and saving the world in the process! Somehow though, I found myself agreeing to go with a friend who desperately wanted to see it. The premise of the story is that a woman's husband dies, and after his death she begins to receive letters from him that he has preplanned that walk her through the grieving process and encourage her to get back into life. They are all signed PS, I love you!

Knowing that this might be a hard movie to watch, I began to pray, I prayed that my heart would not be pierced, and that I would be able to see the beauty in the story and hear from God about His love for me and to enjoy the story without taking it home with me- after all its just a movie.

I immediately had an amazing peace about the whole thing-and a realization. I realized that for the last 6 months or so, God has, essentially been walking me through a process of changing my life. Every once in a while, I find myself in obedience, doing something that I never thought I would do, something that God has called me to do. I have been walking this path of rediscovering what life should be, and more than that, WHO God is. In this process there have been moments of grieving the life that I knew, in order to step into what's next; and moments of extreme exhileration as I take on a new challenge; and there are moments of uncertainty but faith in the plan of God. Each of these emotions are encapsulated in the movie. I have never lost a spouse to death, nor have I ever truly fallen in love, but I caught glimpses of my life within the context of the storyline.

There was also a whisper in my ear that He has written me love letters, and He speaks and guides us through. Oftentimes, what hurts the most about being single is not feeling KNOWN, I suppose that the best love stories include some element of KNOWING one another at a level that leaves the rest of the world out......

BUT GOD....

He knows me, there is none who can know me more totally than God.

There were a few points in the story that made me want to blubber, because they were good points in the story, but there were a few moments that were just for me from God.... I just know it.

One of the lines in one of the letters reads something like "When you don't see the best of you, try seeing you through my eyes", wow, imagine if we could see ourselves through God's eyes.

In another scene, she has to sing Karaoke (it's in the trailer) and when she gets up to sing we look over her shoulder into the audience, and the crowd is gone, replaced in her mind with him, just him and she sings just to him. I want so much for EVERYTHING that I do, to be for an audience of One. When you know that someone knows you completely, and it totally on your side, and when you know that your vulnerabilities are safe with them, not only do I think that is the truest love, but I think that you can accomplish ANYTHING....

I suppose that the only One who can completely know us is God, He is the only One who is totally on our side, and only in His hands are we absolutely safe. So, I suppose He is the only choice that makes any sense at all!

P.S..........

Global Warming???

Really???

This is the sidewalk carved out of 2 feet of snow.........

We have had MORE snow this winter already than we had ALL season last year. Here are some pictures of the aftermath of a major storm...

This is my car......

This is my roommate's car

But I thought this was it!

I often get asked the question "How do I know if what I heard was from God or if it was just me?" There are so many circumstances in our lives where in the moment we are certain we "heard from God", and sometimes these things work out and sometimes they don't. When they don't, we just assume that we didn't hear from God.


This summer I had 2 situations in my life, major life-changing situations where I KNEW I heard from God. These were the types of situations where real things were at stake. Those scary moments where the trajectory of your life can change dramatically, and you really don't want to get it wrong.


One of the situations didn't resolve itself in the way that I thought it would based on what I thought I heard, and by proxy, I assumed that I also hadn't heard from God on what really is the more important situation. It threw me into a spin unlike anything I have ever experienced. Talk about a shaking of my faith. Not my faith in God, but my faith in my ability to hear from God-and HONEY! If you shake my faith in my ability to hear from God, I am sunk. Imagine Peter standing on the gunwhale of the boat, preparing to step onto the water and he wonders "what if that isn't Jesus?"


In talking about the suddnelies of God Jay talked about the time in between the promise and the fulfillment. But lets back it up one more step..... how do I know if what I think is from the Lord, and is it a PROMISE???


We have all heard the story that Katie Holmes knew somewhere deep in her heart that she would marry Tom Cruise one day. When they were preparing to get married, this was a romantic tidbit that got everyone's heart pumping, and we all were inspired to dream a little bigger- which is good. But what about the other 100 million women of all ages who have had that same thought (most of them are now singing "some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers!), but for whom that obviously didn't come true? If these were Christians, would we say that all the other women didn't hear from God?


In Ottawa there is a certain Christian, single, hockey player who is well known, and at some point in EVERY conversation with every single chrisitan woman, this name comes up, and most of the time if a married friend (usually a husband of a married friend) asks about prospects for me, this person's name ALWAYS comes up. There are literally thousands of women and hundreds of Christian woman who are CONVINCED that they are this guy's future wife. They obviously can't all be right...(Besides, we have claimed him for my friend so the rest can just back off!!)... but they ALL think that they heard from God.


This is just one example of this dilemma. So if we are to base our hope on the promise of God for our lives, how can we know that we know that we know that we have heard from Him in the first place?

Faith and Hope

Today we had an amazing service despite the brutal weather! Jay preached an amazing message about the suddenlies of God. If there is anything in your life that you are waiting for... download it!

One of the thoughts was about faith, hope, and love.

I got thinking, what is the difference between faith and hope?

The biggest deferred dream of my heart, as you already know, is that of a spouse and family of my own. In the meantime, though, I am working hard to seek first the kingdom of God, and to find a place of contentment. As with anything that you are waiting for, there is a tension between the anticipation, and not letting what is not yet, distract you from what is now. God has a purpose for each day and if we are seduced by the idea of what will happen tomorrow, we will not learn what we need to learn today, and we miss out on so many things in the now. So we walk this tightrope of hope.... or is it faith?

Sometimes in this battle to find the middle ground, I can be very hard on myself. I think sometimes that if there continues to be hope in what is ahead that it means that I am not content in the now. So I have been working to discipline my mind to stay in the now... except it is crippling my ability to dream big dreams but when I dream big dreams... they include the things that I am hoping for.

All that to say that sometimes high hopes can be misinterpreted as lack of faith! Does that make any sense? Almost like, if I trusted God fully, I wouldn't have the need to rely on the hope.

This is one of those things that is going to twist me around for a few days.

Here's the question then....
what is the difference between faith and hope? and how do you balance the two?

Like Arsenic

Tonight, I was watching the movie "Amazing Grace" about the British Parliamentarian who worked hard to abolish the slave trade. There was one scene that really caught my heart. Early on in the movie, one of the characters staked a slave in a poker game. Wilberforce was disgusted and walked away from the money he had played already, refusing to be party to such conduct.

As he stepped outside, one of his friends followed and asked about his reaction saying "you've seen slavery before" and Wilberforce's response was "yes, but like arsenic every small dose doubles the effect".

My immediate thought was, "OH God, make that true in my life, that every small dose of something that is repugnant in Your sight has double the negative on my life each time I encounter it."

If we had that response, it wouldn't take long before we stand up and fight for that which is reprehensible to God. I would deal much more ruthlessly with the sin in my life. I want the sin in my heart, and the poor choices I make, to cause illness in my soul, so that there would come a change. It is only when we truly experience sin's stench that we cut it out of our lives.

Kings....

1 Samuel 15:17 & 18; 22-23 (English Standard Version)

17And Samuel said, "Though you are little in your own eyes, are you not the head of the tribes of Israel? The LORD anointed you king over Israel. 18And the LORD sent you on a mission and said

22And Samuel said, "Has the LORD as great delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices, as in obeying the voice of the LORD? Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice, and to listen than the fat of rams.23For rebellion is as the sin of divination, and presumption is as iniquity and idolatry.Because you have rejected the word of the LORD, he has also rejected you from being king."

In this passage, Samuel is speaking to Saul. He exhorts Saul to think on a bigger scale. Saul knows that he is the King, yet he fails to act like a king. Is it possible that we are called by God to be kings? We are joint-heirs with the King of Kings, last time I checked that makes us kings and queens.

Is my vision too small?? What has God called me to conquer? What authority have I been given that I have failed to claim? How sad would it be to get to heaven, and have God say, you had the authority to conquer, and yet all you did was to play the part. You didn’t step into the fullness.

The Bible says that we have the authority to cast out demons…. Why are those around me still subject to the bondage of addiction?

The Bible says that we have the authority to speak to mountains and they will be made low…. Why are there mountain ranges in my way called debt, and disease, and bitterness?

The Bible says that we can speak to the blind and they will see, the deaf will hear and the lame will walk… why do family members still not believe, they are blind to God’s love, deaf to His words, and limping from the weapons of the enemy?

What is it going to take for me to stand in the authority that God has given me?
Do you think of yourself as a King?

Do you have a King's purpose?

Thoughts on Mercy

1 Samuel 12:20-25 (English Standard Version)
20And Samuel said to the people, "Do not be afraid; you have done all this evil. Yet do not turn aside from following the LORD, but serve the LORD with all your heart. 21And do not turn aside after empty things that cannot profit or deliver, for they are empty. 22For the LORD will not forsake his people, for his great name’s sake, because it has pleased the LORD to make you a people for himself. 23Moreover, as for me, far be it from me that I should sin against the LORD by ceasing to pray for you, and I will instruct you in the good and the right way. 24 Only fear the LORD and serve him faithfully with all your heart. For consider what great things he has done for you. 25But if you still do wickedly, you shall be swept away, both you and your king."

What an amazing example of the mercy of God. In the middle of hearing directly from the Lord, the Israelites disobey, and what does God do? He says… you don’t have to perfect to come to me and be my people. Obviously, we need to strive to do what is right, however, God knows that we are going to fail and fall. Sometimes, even our most earnest intentions to do good for God, can lead us astray. In this, Samuel promises to continue to pray for the people of God, he takes upon himself the responsibility to instruct the people of God.

As a person who still has a lot to learn about the things of God, it is nice to know that not only does God not write me off every time I make a dumb decision, but also, He provides for me teachers who will look beyond what they see, to see what God has called them to.

I have been the recipient of so much good teaching, amazing people, mentors, parents, and friends further along in this life, who see my growth and success as something that they are called to invest in. I don’t take their guidance lightly, in fact, I am deeply humbled when someone takes time to guide me.

It becomes then, my turn to pour into those coming up behind. I take on as my responsibility their growth, and their best. How amazing is God, that we don’t need to have everything figured out, in order to be used by Him. We can, simultaneously be both teacher and student.

How amazing...

I was reading this morning and this caught my heart

1 Samuel 2
Hannah’s Prayer
1And Hannah prayed and said,
"My heart exults in the LORD;
my strength is exalted in the LORD.
My mouth derides my enemies,
because I rejoice in your salvation.

2 "There is none holy like the LORD;
there is none besides you;
there is no rock like our God.

3 Talk no more so very proudly,
let not arrogance come from your mouth;
for the LORD is a God of knowledge,
and by him actions are weighed.

4 The bows of the mighty are broken,
but the feeble bind on strength.

5 Those who were full have hired themselves out for bread,
but those who were hungry have ceased to hunger.
The barren has borne seven,
but she who has many children is forlorn.

6 The LORD kills and brings to life;
he brings down to Sheol and raises up.

7 The LORD makes poor and makes rich;
he brings low and he exalts.

8 He raises up the poor from the dust;
he lifts the needy from the ash heap
to make them sit with princes
and inherit a seat of honor.
For the pillars of the earth are the LORD’s,
and on them he has set the world.

9 "He will guard the feet of his faithful ones,
but the wicked shall be cut off in darkness,
for not by might shall a man prevail.

10 The adversaries of the LORD shall be broken to pieces;
against them he will thunder in heaven.
The LORD will judge the ends of the earth;
he will give strength to his king
and exalt the power of his anointed."

God of the Garden

God's amazing character and love is unfathomable.

It doesn't matter how many times we approach the throne of God, we can never get to a point where we can say "That's it, I know everything about God".

In the Old Testament, God is most often seen as God of the Mountain. He is up away from the masses, speaking to Moses, or in the Tabernacle hidden behind the Veil in the "Holy of Holies"- a place where priests go once per year to commune directly with God. If they have not properly attoned for their sins, they die.This is the power of God. The majestic, awe-inspiring God. This is God of the mountain.

As most of you know, in Genesis, before He was the mountain-dweller, He was God of the Garden. Genesis says that "Adam walked with God in the cool of the day". They chatted like the friends that they were.

I have noticed that some of my closest friends all have something in common. I have walked with them, in the cool of the day, beside a river or a lake, and gotten to know them. Something happens in those moments, as 2 people walk side-by-side, sharing the beauty of creation a bond develops that goes deeper than the average 'coffee talk'.

There are moments in my life with God that are Garden moments. Time to just enjoy one another's presence. One of these "gardens" is the monthly Refuel event that happens at The Life Centre. This is a chance to just get in close to God's heart and worship.

In the past few months, those 'walks in the garden' have developed in me the truest sense I have ever had of my identity in God.

The Old Testament

Recently, I took a course called "Introduction to the Old and New Testaments"

One of the essay questions asks "What have you learned as a result of taking this course?"
Here is part of my answer to that.

I have known all the stories for my whole life, yet to see how they interacted in the big picture of God is so amazing. It gives me another piece of the puzzle of who God is.

Every moment of Scripture is meant to bring us to an understanding of His character. I have never thought of the Old Testament as anything more than some gory stories, a bunch of rules, some poems and a few nuggets in Proverbs, and I often wondered what purpose it all served-apart from setting the groundwork for the “real” story-the New Testament. Now, I see the character of God in the midst of it. I have come to know the character of God in a new way. Recently, in direct relation to what I was learning in this course, I began an aggressive reading schedule for the Bible, starting from Genesis, and for the first time ever, the love story of God calls to me. I am driven to consume it more and more. Something has changed in me!

As I was reading the detailed descriptions of the tabernacle, and what they needed to have done, and what God was instructing, I began to ask Him questions such as: “Lord, why would it matter the order of the stones on the Ephod of the priests, isn’t there more important stuff to worry about?” The response that came was “I am intimately interested in all the ‘mundane’ details of your life, because everything you do is important to me”. He took the time to teach His people everything that they needed to know about how to approach Him. There is a provision for every question that they might have encountered.

I have always known the love of God, but sometimes it has felt as though He is the God of the mountaintop, rather than the God in the garden, seeing the Bible in a new way though, has reminded me of how much work He does to be in relationship with us.

Like errant children He repeatedly gives the Israelite people direct, and specific direction regarding how they are to live, and tells them even how to be successful in their relationship with Him. They repeatedly let him down, but God is merciful, and He goes to them, sends a redeemer, and repeats His commands, and blesses them, and the cycle repeats. In all the times that He threatens to wipe them out, He still manages to find someone who is righteous. He gives use every opportunity to be successful, in the NT Jesus has so much patience with the disciples who walked with Him, and who witnessed the miracles He performed, yet when they doubt, or question, or act rashly, He doesn’t throw up His hands and walk away.

So how does this change me? As with any relationship, the more you know about the character of a person, the better the relationship. When you are talking about the Lover of my Soul, knowing more about His character changes me because it causes me to fall deeper in love with Him. The resulting effect in this case is: the more I know, the more I WANT to know. It has become a catalyst for deeper intimacy with God, and that will change you everyday.

I see more than ever before, the unchanging character of God. Since He was willing to feed a whining people, He will take care of me. Since He saw that in the midst of everything, Job stayed firm, I do not doubt Him in my circumstances. Since He made a way even before the dawn of time, today His grace is enough, and that is life-changing truth.

With Friends like These

This weekend I was honoured to attend a Christmas party that was hosted out of town. We drove about 2 hours for dinner, and then came back the same night.

I gotta tell you, I wouldn't just drive 4 hours round trip for just anyone. The funny thing was, out of the 20 people that were there, 16 had driven up that day for dinner. They brought their kids, they brought food, and they brought cookie. What is it about this couple that inspires people to be willing to drive all that way?

Their home has such a warmth to it, and a peace within the walls. In spite of the busyness of 20 people including kids, there was never a feeling of crowdedness. At one point, as often happens, everyone was crammed in the kitchen. I LOVE that. We all just found a place sort of out of the way of the pre-dinner prep, and leaned against the wall and chatted. It just felt like HOME.

It was the perfect way to kick off the Christmas season! In everything that I host this season, I want to foster that feeling for my guests and family...

What are you looking forward to most with Christmas coming?

Layer upon Layer

One of the rarest commodities in this busy, detacted, distracted world is the feeling of safety. For some reason, that I am trying to understand, safety is very imporant to me, maybe moreso than for others. This need for safety goes beyond feeling physically safe, I need to feel safe with the character of the people around me, to know that there are people around that I can call if I am upset, or lost.. or if I get a couch stuck in my stairwell and end up with holes in the drywall!

Sometimes as a single woman there can be times when I have felt all alone in an ocean with no land in sight. Except I am NOT alone, and I realized somewhat suddenly, that I DON'T feel all alone!! There have been numerous occasions lately where I have felt completely safe.

• Parents who remind me they are praying for God's best
• A friend who is ready to fight on my behalf
• Sisters in Christ who take a risk to speak truth, even if it might hurt a little!
• A cousin who comes to fix what is broken
• Friends who offer to carry a heavy load
• A pastor who shares from his heart every week
• A woman of God who takes the time to invest
• A brother in Christ who dealt gently with my heart and protected my dignity
• A gentleman who ensures all the women in our group have a seat
• Friends who surround each other with their prayers

Most of all:

• God who has a plan and a purpose for my life
• God who sends just the right person to speak just the right words
• God who gently but persistently speaks of who He is, and who He wants to be for me.

I am so grateful for the layers upon layers of safety, that God has been showing me the results of His conspiracy in my life. I am reminded that no matter what seems to be in front of me, my heart, and life are safe in God's hands.

Undivided Hearts

It is the desire of my heart to have the single women in Life Centre will be in a place of contentment with this stage of the life. No matter what your long term desire is regarding marriage, there can be a place of contentment where the desire is not removed but where our eyes are looking in a different direction and we are no longer crippled by that desire.

This begins with the realization that God’s definition of Who we are in HIM, actually doesn’t have anything to do with the titles that we put upon ourselves. I am taking a group of single women through a book study. We are calling this session “undivided hearts”. We want to get to a place where we are undivided in our hearts toward God, that nothing would ever pull our attention away from God.
As a leader, this is my heartbeat.....
Romans 1: 11-12
11 I long to see you so that I may impart to you some spiritual gift to make you strong— 12that is, that you and I may be mutually encouraged by each other's faith.
As a Christian, this is my desire.......
2 Cor 3:18
18And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.No matter who we are or what we tasked to do in our lives, we are called to live reflecting the Glory of God….
I think sometimes the challenge is the “unveiled faces” part. In order to be totally unveiled requires a confidence in the face behind the veil. As we lift the veils it is natural to be afraid that some might not like what lies beneath, but as we each take that step we will see that behind each veil lies extreme beauty mixed with the occasional scar of life.

If I know that you have scars and you know that I have scars together we can be unveiled in safety. Let’s walk through this together as we encounter God and stand before Him with Unveiled faces. It is our desire to bring the light of the glory of God to our world and we know that is accomplished best when we stand unveiled before Him.

A question for the ages

Why does Christmas stress us out so much?

There are so many aspects of Christmas that I LOVE. I love giving gifts, I love the music, the cozy fireplaces, the smells of the season. I love the anticipation of seeing who will do what and when. Mostly though, I LOVE hearing the story of Jesus inevery public arena.

Secretly, I will admit I even love that slighty superior feeling I get knowing that my shopping is almost done, and the cards are addressed and stamped (even the international ones) ... I am still a work in progress!

But underlying all of the joy there is so much stress... it bubbles beneath the surface and tends to show itself in mild bouts of tears or indecision when pressed for an answer about plans. It is the reality for so many. There are those who work themselves into a frenzy with all the activity and some who choose to hibernate at home blocking it out completely and trying to pretend it just doesn't exist.

I was 'delicately' reminded today that one person's stress is another person's blessing. While I occasionally feel pulled in more than one direction by family, there are those who are without loved ones.

It all comes back to gratitude.

Who are you?

I am His Bride.

His Dreams for me are more than can be imagined.

He has chosen me.

I am fully known.

This is the truth of what God did in my heart at the Women's Night recently held at TLC. As I came off stage from the drama that we had presented, we made our way into a room adjoining the sanctuary. We were all a little shaken from the experience, but amazed at the victory. I had such a sense of the presence of God. We wept together, and began to cry out to God on behalf of the women who had come to be ministered to.

There was a desperation in my heart that what had been exposed as we stood on that stage in our vulnerability, would not be gratuitous. I wanted more than anything that women sitting watching us would see that in that place and in that moment, there was so much safety to take a risk and get their breakthrough. I wanted so much for the women present there to grab hold of what God was handing out. To see the depth of His love for each of them.

There is a battle raging in each one of us. God is passionately propelling us toward the destiny that He has for us. Just as passionate is the enemy's desire to derail that which God would call us each uniquely to.

Each one of you has a call that cannot be duplicated, history would be different if you weren't here. You are a history maker. Step out, step up and step into something more.

I am His bride. Who are you?

His dreams for me are more than can be imagined. Are you dreaming God-sized dreams?

He has chosen me. You are His treasure, He altered history and sacrificed His Son.... and YOU are worth it.

I am fully known.....

Unveiled Faces

What is your deepest pain?


I am single.

God has forgotten my dreams

He can't use me alone.

None will choose me.

I am incomplete.

Sunday night, I was asked to do one of the most difficult, yet freeing things that I have ever had to do. At TLC we had an amazing Women's night. The theme of the evening was Identity. We looked at the titles and the ideas that our upbringing and our culture has placed on us that are not an accurate representation of who God says we are . At the end, we performed a dramatic piece in which we stated an old identity that was false. Then we draped ourselves with a black veil. A song began and we stood, with veiled faces, desolate at this false identity. As the piece went on, we removed the veils, and then presented ourselves, declaring the Truth and abandoning our veils.

Even as we rehearsed there was a depth of pain for each of us as we dug deep into our sense of identity. For the most part we couldn't even speak, we just walked it through. We knew God was up to something, but it was really heavy because we weren't speaking lines we had memorized, we were speaking of our own lives.

I am single.
God has forgotten my dreams
He can't use me alone.
None will choose me.
I am incomplete.

These were the lies that I had adopted into my identity. These were the words I spoke in front of a roomful of women. It was so difficult to even get the words out. As I stood on the stage, I felt completely exposed, and raw. If I had actually been naked, I wouldn't have felt as exposed as I did in that moment. I stood veiled, weeping, realizing the depth to which these lies had permeated my heart. I chose in that moment, to not just let this be a drama, that I was leaving behind the old ideas about myself.

I am His Bride.

His dreams for me are more than can be imagined.

He has chosen me.

I am fully known.

THIS is the truth. This is what replaces the old lies. I leave behind the old ideas just like I left behind the veils on that stage.

Immeasurably More

Ephesians 3:20
20Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us,

I got a funny object lesson this weekend that I felt like was a little reminder of how God, in His amazing wisdom, works. Contrast 2 situations and plans that I made for the weekend.

Friday's Plans: a blanket email went out early in the week hoping to get the crowd together for dinner and a movie. As the week progressed, no responses, in fact, some miscommunication. Friday night came, and the only one who had said they were coming bailed on me.

Saturday's Plans: A worship concert downtown, tickets purchased in advance, plans with the girls to just go and worship God. All is set and settled, then Friday night one of the girls called and said that she had tickets to BON JOVI!!!

I would never have bought tickets to Bon Jovi because, while I enjoy the music and I think he is a handsome dude, I really am not a fan of concerts. They are not an activity that I normally pursue. Some people love them, not me. So we debated- honestly I was fighting the "religiosity" that would say why are you giving up Worship tickets for Rock tickets, but that is a conversation for another day!- and finally decided that Free tickets to this concert would be too good to pass up. There are a few bands that you just go to say you went.......

We very quickly got excited about this idea!! So plans changed and all is well. In the back of my head was the thought "I wonder who is opening?".... well, I found out later it was Hedley!!! Again, another band that I don't pursue their music but always enjoy. I have long thought, I bet that would be a good concert!!!

So, we get the Iconic music of Bon Jovi, and I get an unspoken desire of heart fulfilled!!

On Thursday, I didn't even know that I would like to see Bon Jovi! Now I can't wait. And all of this fell into our laps, we were just being happy to worship Jesus..... do you see where this is going? I am sure that you can. There was a whisper in my heart that said, "see I can bring good things to your door, and it will exceed your imaginings!" I know that God can use ALL circumstances in our lives to teach us things.

We are inundated with messages about the best way to go about finding love. Amazingly enough the advice I often get from my Christian friends is the same as my non-christian friends.... things like "You gotta get out there" or "it's a numbers game" or "how will you know what you want unless you play the field?", or my personal favourite "you can't expect God to send them knocking on your door, do you?" with the exception of the question of sex, the advice is doesn't differ that much from a Christian and non-Christian approach. But the truth is, I DO expect that when the time is right, God WILL send the right person, and if they need to knock on my door, then that is what is going to happen! My 'game plan' is this to be busy about the work of the Lord.

I have never understood or bought into the whole 'dating game' . It seems like a dumb way to find someone. I think that it is much better to go about things God's way! The scripture DOESN'T say : spend most of your time seeking God, but save time for searching for Mr. Right. It says Seek first... and all these things will be ADDED!! To me, that means they will be brought to me.. in the time and in the method that God has chosen.

** IMPORTANT** Please read Immediately

From the Office of the Chairman of the Board
For Widespread Distribution


It is with great pleasure that we announce some changes in the leadership of "Laura's Life" . Every once in a while, as market needs change, and the nature of the organization changes, we need to shuffle around responsibilities.

The primary change will take place in the Department for Spouse Acquisition (DFSA).

A little organizational history. For those of you who don't know, we are a wholly owned subsidiary of Laura Coxworth Inc. A number of years ago we realized that we- as the Board- didn't have what it takes to run this Organization to its fullest potential. We have a CEO who is responsible for (and capable of) running all aspects of our organization. Although he has wide-ranging authority to do what He needs to, He chooses to bring things before the Board to get our approval and our full buy-in (He insists that changes and improvements last longer with board buy-in). The Board has always been happy with His performance, and He has never let us down, however, sometimes it takes some convincing of Board members that He is even interested in taking on new responsibilities-even when He is BEGGING to take them on.

The Board has excellent intentions, but humbly realizes that it lacks the skills and vision needed to change the world, per the vision of our CEO. The Board has never assumed that they have all the answers, that is why we hired the CEO in the first place, yet the Board is often held back by their limited view of the global & eternal perspective. As the Chairman of the Board, I have fought many fights to give our CEO more responsibility, and slowly, I feel like the tide is shifting in those areas that are most important.

The DFSA is an area that I have long thought should be handled by the CEO. As a Board we could never come to an agreement, some thought that the CEO must be too busy for such an inane project, others felt at times that this should be the only responsibility of the CEO. Still other times we debated outsourcing it entirely, allowing both the Board and the CEO the freedom to get more important things done. It has long been the primary topic of Board Meetings and has brought about tears, pain, frustration and heartache. We have missed out on some opportunities to get ahead in the market because we were focused on this internal issue!

I have known for a long time that the right resources were already within the organization, I just needed the buy in of the Joint Chairs of the board: Mind, Soul and Spirit. We have spoken to outside consultants-even offering some of them the job- and we have even offered rewards for the public's help-all with disappointing results. We have reached the end- finally, we have consensus on this! We completely TRUST Him with this!

I am pleased to announce that our CEO will have full responsibility, overview, leadership and approval for the Department For Spouse Acquisition. We have made it clear as a Board, that if we stick our noses into what is His expertise, he has the authority to kick us out of His office. He has carte blanche for this project. We have put no deadline on it-knowing that it will be finished when He is fully satisfied with the results. Rest assured, we have made known to Him some of the things we are hoping to see and what we would prefer, however we publicly acknowledge that we don't have the same vision as He does so we don't know what will be needed long term.
He assures us that even when it seems like there has been no forward momentum, lots of things happen behind the scenes. He has refused to be subjected to progress reporting and respectfully reminded the Board that we could at any time take back leadership of the DFSA.

We announce this private Organizational change publicly so that you (as someone invested in our future) can be made aware of the most effective communication channels should you feel the need to provide any input on this subject.

Prior to this change, coming to a Board member would have been the best channel, however, now it would literally be a waste of breath. If you have anything that you feel needs to be stated on the subject, the CEO has said the He is willing at any point to hear your concerns and petitions. Please go directly to Him on this. As a board we have a long list of tasks that we need to accomplish, and we will only become distracted and frustrated if we keep trying to do this when the CEO has it in His hands.

We know that this announcement will surprise some, and make others nervous. If you have any concerns, I am sure that a quick face-to-face with the CEO will put your hearts at ease. He has a way of putting nervous investors at rest with His clear vision and gentle approach and He always has an opening in His schedule to have that meeting!

Confessions of a Confused Heart Part Two

Do you recall the last truly delightful moment you witnessed?

Guess what? It takes work to see the delight around us. How are you going to see the older couple strolling in the park, if you aren’t sitting on the park bench? How is your niece able delight you with her imagination if you never go and visit? How do you spot puppies curled up together unless you pop into the pet store? It takes a decision to slow down and look around.


I think this is the same thing with God. When we go too fast, we forget that He wants to be the centre of everything we are doing. The other day, I chose to delight in the parking space that opened up right in front of the door to the mall, and the kind words that were sent my way at just the right time. If we are looking for all the ways that God chooses to speak to us throughout the day, we can give him credit for a wide variety of things that others just write off. Imagine God opening up that parking spot, or prompting the people who said kind things to me, it isn’t that farfetched, in fact, it’s kind of delightful… don’t you agree?


I have a long way to go before I can say I truly trust in God for everything, but until that time comes, I hope to learn a little more everyday how to delight in His love. I am certain of this, as my eyes turn more and more toward His, the amazing view of His love will

Confessions of a Confused Heart

I’m guilty! Slap on the handcuffs, convict me and send me away! I am guilty. What am I guilty of? Misrepresenting scripture…that’s right, take a moment, wrap your head around it. I realize that ignorance is not a defensible position; however, I can say that my misrepresentation was not malicious. In my eagerness to have the Lord answer my prayer, I latched onto what I thought amounted to a smoking gun.


For more years than I care to recall I have used the scripture “God will give you the desires of your heart” in my agonizing with God. I used it to become angry and bitter against God. I thought that I was justified in my frustration and anger. After all, as we are taught, not only does God give us the desires of our hearts, but He also places within us those desires that He wants to fulfill. Except time and time again, as the desires of my heart went unfulfilled, it seemed sometimes like God’s aim was a little off. All the people around me would get exactly what I had been begging for.

I would imagine that a lot of people have been there. Maybe you have even used this scripture to support your railings against God for not fulfilling a ‘desire of your heart’.

I am embarrassed to admit that, until just now, I had never really done any study of the scripture that so easily rolled off my tongue and held me hostage. A quick scan through shows me that Psalm 37 really lays out the expectation of someone who ‘qualifies’ for desire fulfillment. That is really the only way to explain it. It would seem that there are conditions to this promise.

The actual verse is “Delight yourself in the LORD, and He will give you the desires of your heart”. The next question that we need to ask is: what does it truly mean to “delight yourself in the Lord”?

I absolutely don’t measure up to the expectation that the Lord has set out. Why would He live up to my selfish and manipulative whining? Just the fact that I am even worried about my future shows me that I DO NOT trust Him. Don’t get me wrong, I trust Him for a lot of things. I trust that He always has a reason for whatever He allows to come across my path, however, I can’t always see that while I am in the midst of it. I trust in His love for me. I trust mostly in His forgiveness, goodness knows I make use of it enough.

How would my life be changed if I truly truly truly trusted Him?

If I truly trusted God, I wouldn’t worry about tomorrow, I would take His word literally, I would step out in faith more often. I would believe what scripture says about the future that He has for me. I would know beyond a shadow of a doubt that any job that I apply for and don’t get has a purpose in it. I might even make the most of every moment. I would not have to hold a grudge, or worry about a stolen item.

"Delight yourself in the Lord" is more like an invitation than a command. The New Testament says “seek first the kingdom of God”. There is almost a sense of work about that, as if it were a hard thing to do. Here in Psalms it sounds a lot more like an invitation to enjoy-as if that required a commandment! Delight!

What in your life is delightful? Delicate sandwiches, a little girl in a dress-up costume, an older couple holding hands, puppies sleeping curled up together. Delightful things bring a warm glow to your heart. They make the world seem less scary. You Tube is full of delightful videos… you can tell they are delightful because of the huge number of people who have viewed them! The whole world is attracted to the delightful.

We don’t just stumble upon delightful things though. Think of your busy days, full of movement and agendas, and getting things accomplished, you probably barely have time to finish your morning coffee before you are off (that’s why you stop at Starbucks on the way to work). Take a moment and try to remember the last delightful moment you experienced.

More to come on this.....

In Remberance

This year, I have more invested in this life. I have a Niece who will grow up in a country where she is free to express herself in whatever religious faith, or political view she chooses. Where there are men and women willing to stand in the way of harm on her behalf and to defend her right to those choices.

This morning, as we acknowledged Remembrance Day, we sang the national anthem I was struck by the words. I am one of the proudest Canadians you will come across.

"God keep our land,
Glorious and free,
Oh Canada, We stand on guard for thee...."

It belongs to all of us, to stand on guard for our freedoms. For some, that task requires weapons of this world, and for others, we take up the weapons of spiritual warfare. Whatever weapons you employ, I thank you, deeply, from the bottom of my heart.... Cayley (my niece) thanks you too.....

Leading the Culture

I am part of a group of women who gather once a week and we share our lives together. We laugh, we cry, we share one another's joys and pains. This is a lifegroup. There are things that we DON'T do. We DON'T gossip, or back stab one another.

I have never been experienced an environment where 40+ women share their lives without judgement or competition. This is strange because as we know, oftentimes women are so hard on one another and ourselves.

I have often stopped to wonder how it is that this is possible. Is it possible that we have found 40 of only women in the world who have no desire for gossip or backstabbing? Those amazing super-Christians we have all heard about but never managed to see??

Not at all! This weekend I saw the key to setting the tone.

We went to a women's' conference. There was complete peace and joy as we travelled. We had great conversations that ran the gamut from spiritual to the fun and a little crazy. I have not laughed so much in a long time.

One of the conversations we had as a whole group, one of the ladies shared a strange perspective on a topic. I recall thinking to myself "That was Odd" , but I didn't think too much about it.


A while later, as the big group departed and it was just a few of us left, one of the women jokingly made mention of the previous comment. In that moment, there was a beat of silence, we all had a choice: to pick up the mocking and begin to gossip, but, instead, I found that we all looked to Lori, and with a subtle shake of her head she shut down the whole conversation!

We went onto something else, and nothing more was said.

I realized, this was the key to the whole environment that we have fostered in our lifegroup! We all know that our leadership will not participate in or tolerate gossip or backstabbing. I know! I've tried, but nothing is LESS fun than trying to gossip with someone who doesn't participate!

As leaders, we have the opportunity to lead the cultures that we help create. We can choose what we allow into the lives of those we lead.

Collateral Damage

Anytime there is a move of God, there will always be a move to distract us from the experience. Something that will come a long to rob us of the fullness of the situation.

Last weekend, I was very much anticipating a conference that a few ladies were attending. All the week before, I had my antennae up looking for some of the chaos that almost always surfaces. Families fighting, people getting hurt, car accidents. Things like that often happen when there is a big event coming up. I was surprised to see that there was no drama. There was a little distraction from the resolution of an ongoing situation, but nothing out of the ordinary. In fact, I thought that the timing of this particular event was great because it took me out of a situation that could have been awkward. I didn't see anything out of the ordinary.

On the way to Toronto, I was slightly distracted by the above situation, but like I said, nothing beyond what one might expect. At first the van was very quiet-not at all what you might expect, then ladies in the van with me began to outline some of the ways that they experienced the Enemy's attacks to try and distract. Mostly it was fighting within families and discord. Each of them are mature women of God and so they realized what was going on and dealt with it. As we talked about these attacks, I felt my sadness lift off me. Like just by acknowledging the situations, I was free from the emotion.

That conversation broke open the weekend for us. From that moment on, there was laughter and deep conversations, and WAAAYYY more information about some subjects than anyone person needs to know!!

As we went through the conference, there were environmental issues (the room was hot, the speaker too loud) that totally distracted me. I continued to take notes but things really didn't sink in. The ladies were in our room until 3:30am and so the next day I was REALLY tired. I drove most of the way home (which took way longer than it needed to), got home, fell into bed, just to get up and run all the rest of the week.

On top of that, I have been fighting a cold/flu all week. The more I sleep, the more tired I am.

This weekend is an Encounter Weekend that we host at the church. It is an opportunity for people to do business with God. I am on the ministry team for that, so once again, I was on "high alert" for the attacks. I drove carefully all week, watched my relationships and was aware. I knew all along that the illness was directly related to the bookended experiences with God.

As tonight approached, I fought frustration and illness, someone even suggested that I go home!! Stupid enemy! He thinks that this is my first go 'round..... I stayed and we had a great evening, as the time to minister to the people came closer, I developed a cough, and my sniffles were worse.... I KNOW that this is all related.

What I am realizing though, is that in the midst of my busy week, I was unable to take time to process what I got out of the conference, I have not even had a chance to look at the notes I took, much less distill them into applicable points, or even thoughts to blog....

I wonder how much of the busyness of our lives keeps us from being 'still and knowing' that He is God. That by keeping us off balance, we miss the times with God. The Bible says that the Enemy comes like a wolf in sheep's clothing. Take a moment today, and see if there is any sheep that could be robbing you of something- if there is, you may think it is Godly, but pull back the covers... it might just be a wolf.

If you need me next week, I might not answer, I might just be in the midst of 'stillness'!

A positive trend

I have noticed something very interesting as the commercials for Christmas have rolled out. I have seen a couple of commericals for a couple of different chains where the message of the ad campaign the response that the gift gets as opposed to the gift itself.

In fact, to my recollection, in both commercials, you don't even see any products! Isn't that a strange yet amazing trend!

I wonder how the holiday would change in nature if we were more concerned about bringing joy to the person we were giving the gift to?

The Battle against Mediocrity

Potential
a latent excellence or ability that may or may not be developed.

Mediocrity
1. ordinariness as a consequence of being average and not outstanding [syn: averageness]
2. a person of second-rate ability or value; "a team of aging second-raters"; "shone among the mediocrities who surrounded him" [syn: second-rater]

My entire life, everyone has spoken to me about my potential, this untapped resource of brilliance, and.... whatever....... that might change the world.... or at least those closest God put in my path.

For some reason though, I always seem to fall just short of the fullness of my potential. I am in a constant fight against mediocrity. In so many ways mediocre is safer, there is no risk, no failure, no fear. Sure there is also no amazing high of success or grand adventure of life.

I have always had the sense that within me lies more, and it scares me.

Do you ever get the sense that something tough is coming your way? That perhaps you have advanced warning of a battle? I am determined to battle to take back this territory that was stolen from me before I had a chance to experience life there. This victory belongs to God, I merely sit in the truth of who God made me and follow His leading.

Obedience needs to be my weapon of choice. Here we go, over the wall into battle..........

The Glory!

I see the Glory of God surrounding me. There is a sense of the divine purpose of God, not just in my life, but the loves of those He has chosen to surround me with.

This past 6 months has life transforming. I encounter things now that just a few months ago would have overwhelmed me, or that I would have responded differently to. Sometimes it seems like God gives me a bird's eye view of my life in a moment and I can see objectively and I can see and feel the differences.

This can only mean one thing.... I being consumed by God a little more and more each day!

I can only boast in the Lord... HE is the author and finisher of my Faith, mostly though... He isn't done yet! I am so grateful for the lives of those around me who allow me to speak into their hearts.

About a Boy!

The last week or so has been a tough one. There has been a an ongoing situation that needed resolution, but I wasn't willing in my spirit to face the reality that was right in front of me- and everyone else. I had been praying for a time for this situation to resolve itself, and in a couple of quiet ways it could have been resolved... if I had paid attention, and really applied what those around me were saying. However, I just wasn't ready to let go of the hope that was in my heart. I wanted an easy way out that would require nothing of me and not expose me to possible humiliation or awkwardness, but the easy way often doesn't teach us what we need to know. I see now that God was readying my heart for what was to transpire. I wouldn't say that in the previous moments that I missed God or that I was disobedient, rather I would say that God was massaging my heart and conspiring with the angels to bring this about in His timing.

This summer has been an incredible journey of learning and drawing closer to God. One of the main themes was Marriage. I can name probably 10 moments in time, where God has downloaded (there really is no other way to describe it!) truth about what marriage should be. I don't know if you have ever experienced this, sometimes a truth just hits you and goes deep in your heart and something changes... an old idea is removed, peace comes and you know you will never be the same.

When God is doing something He really does it! Usually though, it takes us getting to the end of ourselves.

If you have been reading the last couple of entries, you will see the 'real time' recording of what has been happening in me. Here is the timeline.... over the course of last week, I met with my amazing mentor who reminded me that God's dreams for me are bigger than my dreams for me, received 3 emails saying that holy amazing women were praying for my future spouse-whoever that is, and that they couldn't wait to celebrate along with me. Friday, an amazing time in worship where God showed me that Only He is enough, Then Sunday's message was on Marriage (timely, hmm) , then following a situation that arose God spoke this to my heart! If that was it, that was enough...BUT WAIT there is more of God conspiring!!

This is the BEST part! All this happened on the weekend, it is now Tuesday morning.... already though, I have had 3 opportunities to share with specific people about these topics. Granted I am one of those people who processes out loud, and in real time, but God is ALWAYS faithful when I have experienced a major situation and learned something, He immediately puts people in my path who need to hear it too. So, I am learning, that no matter what I am going through, the faster I 'GET' it, the better it will be for those around me because they will need it too!

Last night, I spent a long time on the phone with an amazing woman whom I love, she was walking through some of the same things that God has been speaking to me about. Where just 48 hours before I was lost and broken and would have had nothing to offer in terms of healthy or helpful advice, I found myself pouring into her the Truth of God for her situation, and in the meantime, becoming more free in my own! That is the Abundance of God!

So really, it ISN'T About a Boy after all! He was simply the bait on the hook, that reeled me into the presence of God so that my life and the lives of those around me can be changed.

What hook has God got you on? What is He trying to teach you? Most importantly, WHO else is He trying to touch with your life?

Do you believe?

What are the deepest desires of your heart?

Do you believe that they are SAFE in the hands of God?

Take a moment, dig deep, do you REALLY truly believe that your dreams are safe in God's hands? Whether you wish you were married, debt-free, with child, or changing the world one life at a time in a job that you dream about... do you believe that your dreams are safe in the hands of God?

The immediate, logical, Christian response is "of course, God loves me, He put those dreams there in the first place." As I dug deeper into the dark recesses of my heart, I realized that I didn't feel like my dreams were safe in His hands. Too many years of hearing lies like "if you want it too much God will take it away" or "if you want to know if God is leading you, just ask yourself 'do I WANT to do what He is leading me to do?' if the answer is NO than it is probably God!" These are destructive lies straight from the pit of hell. Do I think that sometimes God removes things in our lives that are taking our attention off Him? Yep, there's that pesky little commandment "I am a jealous God, thou shalt have no OTHER GOD'S before me!" (paraphrased loosely by me!) Sometimes there are things that are in our lives which take over some of the space that God desires for Himself.

Do I think that occasionally God asks us to do something that sucks? Something that is Scary? Yep, remember Jesus in the garden? We must not, however take a moment of Scripture and build a doctrine on it. Just because Jesus wasn't excited about a grueling death, doesn't mean that everything we do for God has to be gruelling.

As I begin to see the depth of God's love for me, the truth of the salvation offered and the unconditional covenant of love God has with us, I see the error of my ways.

(On a side note, Pastor Jay's message this week on Marriage and what it is supposed to be is worth looking into here.)

I say that I trust God with the desires of my heart but then I whine to my girl-friends that there are no eligible men in the church. I say that I trust God with my finances, then over-spend and stay up at night searching for solutions and opportunities to get out of debt. My actions in no way reflect what I think I know.

God has a habit in my life, of bringing people and situations across my path to speak the truth, kick me in the butt when necessary, and then show me the stupidity of my actions or thought processes! Then, He not-so-subtly taps me on the shoulder and says.... see that? All ME!

Tonight, as I faced yet another roadblock on my journey, I sat with a good friend beside me who hugged me as I cried. She waited until I was done, and then spent time reviewing with me all the ways that God had prepared me for this very moment. While I was feeling stupid for ignoring the signs along the way, she reminded me of all the seemingly random emails I received from women I love who told me that they were praying about this very issue. She reminded me of the encounter I had with God just 2 days ago where He reminded me that only HE is enough. As we sat, an incredible peace overcame me, and no longer was I focused on the hurt, but rather on the truth of the love God has for me.

I see now that my dreams ARE safe in the hands of God... your dreams are safe in the hands of God. It doesn't always have to feel that way, but you know what... feelings aren't truth! I pray that God brings this back to me time and time again, until what I know replaces how I feel.

What is your dream? Does your life reflect the truth about the safety of that dream in the hands of God?

Only God is enough

I have amazing friends who love and support me and I them. They rally around me when I am down and know that they can call when they are in trouble or need. Never in my life have I had so much healthy support. Family is very important to me and since I have a small family, there has been lots of room for 'adoptees'. You know how sometime there are just THOSE people, who you click with right away, you feel like you have been friends forever, and they are of the quality that anytime you meet one of their friends, you instantly accept them because of who they know? It seems that I am surrounded by those people!!

Man, what a privilege!

You know what, though? As much as they love me, and I love them, as much as we support one another, fight for one another and pray for one another..... they are just people. I would never hurt them on purpose, nor they me, EXCEPT sometimes we do hurt one another. Sometimes it hurts if someone doesn't give you the hug you are begging for in your heart but can't bring yourself to ask for, or it hurts when, their joy sheds light on what seems to be missing in your life. This is the reality of living in a sinful world. We are subject to the sin in ourselves and one another.

Only God is enough.....

In this one statement, I can free myself from the pressure of having to be 'super friend', of feeling like I need to meet all their needs (even the unspoken ones I feel like I should have seen). It frees them to be human, it frees me to stop relying so heavily on them-even though they love being needed. As I remind myself that only God is enough... I am free.

When God is enough, everything is just the icing on the cake! Can you imagine how amazing a friendship that would make? What about a family? How about a marriage?

ONLY GOD IS ENOUGH!!!!

God, give me a revelation that you are enough for me, that you fill every need in my life. Tap me on the shoulder every time I forget!

I Quit

i'm tired...

There is no other way to say it. I have been just tired. Not physically tired, although that has been true as well, but rather, soul-empty weary. There has been so much that has occurred this summer and for the last season of my life, I feel like I have run a marathon everyday. Some days have been easy, and some days have been just plain sucked!

Through it all, God has been there prompting me, supporting me, loving me, stretching me.

The problem is that as much as I thought I was relying on God, it would seem that I wasn't. Tonight I was reminded that God is supposed to be carrying all the load, except when I insist on carrying it myself. Tonight I was in worship and all I wanted to do was lean against the wall and feel its strength and stability.

As I leaned against the wall, I realized that what I have been feeling is that I needed to be strong enough for all the people around me. I needed them to see that in the middle of this extreme walk of faith I have been on, that all was well with me. Except that I have had major questions, and major uncertainties, I was trying to carry it all on my own.

I was reminded tonight that:
He is my Rock,
He is my Fortress, my strength, my deliverer and my salvation.

In the times when I feel like I NEED someone, His love is more extraordinary, more full, more fulfilling.

I had a fuller understanding that even if the best man loved me to the best of any man's ability, it wouldn't be enough to protect me from hurt, it wouldn't be enough. It wouldn't be enough.

Only God is enough.

Until I get that truth embedded in my soul, there is nothing but heartache in store for me.

I am tired, and so I am just going to stop working so hard doing God's job... I officially quit!

Just one more moment in the Sun...

Today is an amazingly beautiful day. After a couple of weeks of rainy and cold weather, I was battening down the hatches for winter. In a city where we almost always have at least one snow fall before Halloween, winter comes quickly and always overstays it welcome! As the weather turns, I begin to admit to myself that the warm days are over, and that winter is soon coming, and inevitably I feel as though I didn't get in enough summer when it was here .

I suppose that we all come out of seasons that we wish we had taken more time to experience. Friends have told me that after they got married, they wished they had done more with their season of singleness. When we are older we wish we had done more with our youth.

The amazing thing about God though, is that He is the creator of the "Indian Summer". At some point, in every transition from summer to the cool of fall, there is a few days of reprieve. We call it "Indian Summer", the leaves are changing colour, everyone is beginning to change their activities to be inside and warm, when we get very warm weather. One last chance to sit out in the sun with our toes warm and the feeling of a stolen moment.

For someone like me who had trouble with the lack of sun in the winter, it feels like a second chance.

I think sometimes God is like that as well. He often gives us that 'one last chance' when all seems lost. The chance to redeem a friendship, learn a lesson, or stop and hear His voice. I think that He is always looking for every opportunity to tie up loose ends in our lives.

Take a moment today, soak up some warmth, and remember that God always makes a way!!

What tools do you use?

I recently picked up a book called Lady In Waiting; Becoming God's best while waiting for Mr. Right. Normally, I am pretty much against books whose whole idea is about waiting around to start my life after I get married. I almost didn't buy the book but then the preface said this:

"Lady in Waiting is not about finding the right man, but being the right woman. Thus it focuses on ten qualities of a Godly woman... (Pg 11)"

That is the heart beat that I want to get across to the single ladies around me. There is always another purpose. You hear time and time again that you will find someone when you are content and not looking, or when you are least expecting it. While that is often the case, the more you get told that, the more it becomes formulaic in your mind, and you never truly get to the part about "not looking"!

I have been thinking a lot about being around men, and protecting my heart, and making sure that there are no games, or any of the craziness that comes with singleness. I have been less than successful on the past, and for a while was doing what a some single Christian women do, I began to surround myself with mainly woman. to avoid any issues with men, I spent a season simply connecting with women.

Let's be honest, when you are single, hanging out with just single women doesn't help your chances to find love! However, I also don't want to be 'seeking' out men for the sake of just knowing if they are 'him'. So what is a single girl to do?

One of the Chapters deals with Virtue. As I was reading this Chapter one thought reached out and bit me- or at least that is what it seemed like! (Pg 53) "...whatever you used to "catch" a guy, you must also use to keep him." It went on to say that if you rely solely on games, or manipulation, beauty or deceit, these are the 'tools' that you must employ to keep him long term.

As one who has absolutely 'no game', I have long bemoaned the somewhat arbitrary 'rules' for dating and for this dance that singles do..... "you can't call him tomorrow, make him wait" or "if he hasn't called by Thursday, he doesn't get to see you that weekend". I HATE these partly because I am so bad at it all, but more so because I wouldn't treat my friends that way, so why would I treat a brother in Christ that way -especially if it is someone I think I might be interested in!!!!

So I pondered the 'tools' that I wanted to employ in my singleness to 'attract' the man that God has for me. Please don't misunderstand, I am not out preening and on display looking to 'catch' the man of my dreams, rather, I want to practice the qualities in my life that will be the things God's choice for me will be interested in. Everyone else need not apply. I don't have to worry that my intellect will turn of some guys because it won't turn off the guy!

So here's is what I have determined I will purposefully stock my 'toolbox with':

• Joy
• Kindness
• Generosity
• Openness
• Encouragement
• Hospitality
• Honesty
• Humour
• Gentleness
• Discretion
• Godliness
• Prayer
• Worship
• Integrity
• Authenticity
• Empathy and
• Honour

The good news is that employing these tools in my life makes me a better person no matter my status. I can put these to 'work' building the kingdom of God, and seeking God with all my heart. That way, I will be fruitful no matter what.... what a way to WAIT!!!

Purity

I came across an interesting passage today about purity. In my desire to continually be course correcting my day to day walk, I have recently been thinking and reading a lot about purity. Although sexual purity has been a lot of the thought process, it is also good to remember that purity covers a gamut of topics: our motives, our heart, our thoughts as well as our actions.

Physical purity has not been a big struggle in my life and I am grateful for that. But that doesn't mean that I haven't had to struggle in other areas. I suppose that most women know the battle that goes on in the mind to keep those thoughts on the straight and narrow, to ensure that the thoughts of a friend maintain the 'friendship' status in your head.

Another idea that has been dominating my heart lately is this idea that Disciples Serve. Pastor Jason did an amazing job of explaining our responsibilities as Disciples with the sermon found here called Disciple: Washes Feet. This idea that we have all heard 1000 times was simply presented in such a way that it changed my life and I have been seeking new opportunities to serve ever since,

So what does service have to do with Purity?? I am glad you asked....

1 Thessalonians 4:4-6 says:

4that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, 5not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God; 6that no one transgress and wrong his brother in this matter, because the Lord is an avenger in all these things, as we told you beforehand and solemnly warned you. (ESV emphasis mine)

For the most part, I have been thinking about Purity in terms of the benefits to me, but as with everything with God, it isn't about ME, it is about serving one another!! The kindest thing that I can do for the men around me, is to live a life of purity. The kindest thing that I can do for the women around me is to live a life of purity. In looking out for my brothers and sisters in Christ, I am able to honour God AND protect my own heart... that sounds like a pretty good deal!!

A crowd in the street.

One day last week, I attended a dinner party at a friend's place in an area of town that I had never been before! It is not the swankiest neighbourhood, but it is very established with lots of trees and older homes that have probably seen at least one generation within its walls. This is the type of street that is a wide boulevard, no sidewalks, and few traffic lights. Tree branches hang over the street creating a beautiful canopy across the road.


As I turned the corner I was very surprised. Up the road, I could see, probably 10 people walking around. I thought for a moment that I had happened upon some sort of community event, when I realized that these people were just walking around! At first glance, this doesn't seem to be an extraordinary event, except it was.

I live in the suburbs, as do most of my friends. Many of these friends are young professionals with good jobs and little kids. If I had to guess, I would say that the average age of the homes/neighbourhoods, that I spend most of my time in, is about 10-15 years. In these "planned" communities, there are trees, but they are small, providing more aesthetic beauty than true foliage, the streets are narrow, and driveways small. Most times, by 6 or 7 pm all the babies are tucked into their high-end cribs and the jogger strollers are put away in the garage. The adults are resting on the couch watching their flat-screen TV. People are not talking to one another because they have never met since it is tough to meet someone who simply presses the automatic garage door opener and drives inside!!


The way we set up our lives now, there are no crowds in the street!




I am grateful that where I live now, I have to walk to my car. It is parked around the side of the row of houses. In that short distance, I often see my neighbours, stop to pat a dog I have come to know and laugh at, or just inquire how some one's family is, or trade a quick comment about the hockey game. I know many of my neighbour's names, I know their grand kids names, and I know most of all that if I needed something I could ask. How do I know this?? As a first-time homeowner, I have occasionally had to ask!!

When I talk to my friends whose kids are all tucked up in bed, I often hear that people don't know their neighbours. How sad! How can you celebrate with them? Show concern for them? Or just be in their lives, and how, PLEASE tell me HOW, will they ever know that God loves them and has a community of people waiting to love them?

God, the City Planner

I came across an interesting passage in Ezekiel 48 today.

In this passage God lays out instructions for how the land and the city is to be allocated and laid out. God even goes so far as to say who will be neighbours!!

There is land to be set apart for the Lord, within that, they were to build the "sanctuary of the LORD" and it was to border on the land given to the priests. Each tribe was allocated land as they had need. A portion was to be set aside for the prince and a portion for a 'community garden' to feed the city workers. When you begin to look at these elements it becomes obvious that God has a plan for how we are to be in community together.

Isn't amazing that the God of the universe, with all the He has on His mind, would take time to plan out the neighbourhood for His chosen people. When you look deeper, it becomes clear that until this century, people's natural tendency was to organize themselves in this way.

Think about it.... Small rural towns, all over the continent looked about the same. Church at the centre, the church manse beside, parkland in the centre and some sort of community garden.

Can WHERE we live, impact HOW we live??

It seems to me that the more "big box" monstrosities that go up, and the further they are away from our homes, the more it disconnects us from the community that we are to be a part of. Gone are the days of Corner convenience stores where kids begin to learn independence by running to get milk, or sharing their 'fun money' with their friends. Kids no longer walk to the school down the street.

Is it possible that by disconnecting from our communities, that we are disconnecting some important part of ourselves??

How may I serve you?

What would happen if we began to serve one another?

What would change in the lives of those around us if we treated each other the way that we would treat someone we were trying to impress?

Recently the Lord has been speaking to me about finding different ways to serve those around me. This has nothing to do with more time commitments or commitees! I am passionate about having those around me feel loved and supported. By doing life together, I can ensure that people who cross my path feel served and like they deserve the best.

Is there an intentional action that you take to ensure that others feel served?

Thankful

This thanksgiving, I made a turkey for the first time. I also hosted dinner, and had all the people around me who were 'short on family' over to my house. We laughed and ate, and everyone contributed something to the meal.

At the end of it all, when most of the dishes were done -thanks to my amazing roommate- and the furniture back in place, I finally sat down. I was bone tired, mostly just from being on my feet all day. Yes I was tired, but only physically, in my heart I felt so filled up. To know that people had enjoyed themselves and that they had a good meal, and took home some leftovers.... what a feeling!!

I have discovered that I love to entertain. I am always so honoured when people choose to come to my home. I love it when they feel at home!

My home is a busy one, with 2 roommates and a plethora of friends who do crazy things like drop by to watch prison break on the way home from a course. Or this story:I was in the bath last week and I heard my very good friend Amanda's voice outside the bathroom door. She had knocked on the front door and come in. Thinking I was in the shower, she installed herself on my couch and waited. When she realized I was going to be in the tub longer than she thought (I was settling in for a LONG soak) she came up and let me know she was there!! LOVE IT! It turns out that while she was waiting for me on my couch, my other roommate came up the stairs (they have never met) and said Hi and continued on his way. You know you have a busy house, when the presence of a stranger on the couch doesn't raise ANY red flags!

I am constantly reminded that in my singleness, there are opportunities everyday to serve those around me, and that as I intentionally pour out my time and talents to others, that is where I am most fulfilled, and content.

For that I am thankful.

A Strange Conversation

Yesterday, just after reading this, I went off to the grocery store with it still in my mind.


As I was reading a magazine in the checkout, one of the guys from my old job stopped me and we got chatting. He is a new dad for the second time, and we talked about that. At one point in the conversation he said "So, I heard you had a big one!" I was TOTALLY confused, and asked him to clarify. He thought that I had a BABY! I corrected him, assumed that he thought I was someone else (we were never really that close), and updated him on what I am doing now. We had a nice chat and then parted ways.


Now, the reality is I was ushered out of my old job somewhat suddenly for reasons that still defy logic. Suffice it to say that I didn't get a chance to say goodbye to anyone. All he knows is that one day I was there, the next I wasn't.


As is often the case when someone makes a surprising comment, I began to outline in my mind why he might have thought that. The obvious is that he mistook me for another lady who did have a baby.


I began to wonder what in my weight before I left would have made him think that. But then I realized that if he thought that I just had a baby his initial reaction was that I probably looked REALLY great for just having given birth!!! At that point I had to stop myself from going down a dangerous path in my mind-it caught me so off guard. This is definitely a weak area in my life where I have to be careful not to spend any energy taking things personally!


In light of everything else going on and sometimes feeling like everyone just sees me as "the single girl", I choose to just enjoy the fact that there are those who just assume that I am 'marriage and mother' material.

Do you have a weak area that you have to protect lest you read into every comment?

Has it really???

I stopped this morning and realized that the ONE-Year mark of my blogging experience had come and gone and I didn't notice!

Well.... Happy Birthday to "Me!"

Many of you may not know how I came to be part of the blogging world so here's the story. I had had a particularly hard day at work, was feeling COMPLETELY overwhelmed by the way my life wasn't going!

Then I recieved an email that would change my life. Lori Boucher sent me an email inviting me to read her 'Blog'. I had not idea what a blog even was! As I read, there was something about this platform, that I really liked and I decided that I needed a blog as well.

I chose a name, I chose a background and off I went. I destinctly recall the feeling when I pressed 'PUBLISH' the first time I even remember where I was. It was very exhilerating to put something out there for the world to see. And then came the scary part! I had to tell someone!

Writing has been one of my strengths for a long time, however I was often too shy to share it with anyone outside of cards, and speeches. But I took a BIG risk, I sent an email to a few people with my heart pounding and waited.

There is something so vulnerable about that moment- but it felt right!

When I began, I truly didn't think that this was going to last. I tend to be a person who goes gung-ho at the begining and then tapers off. I think, like so many things in my life, that having someone to share the experience with was key to my success. And like so many things in my life, that person is Lori! With Lori's disciplned approach to blogging, there was always a bit of healthy competition -if she's posted, I should too!- and it served me well in that Blogging became part of my routine.

As I review some of the posts, I can vividly recall the event around what I was writing. From world events, to thoughful moments that the Lord took the opportunity to grow me in a certain area. It is amazing to see the process and

I am amazed to think back on all of the relationships, experiences, and truth that I have learned from being part of this community of bloggers. Words cannot express the privilege it is to speak into so many lives, even just for a moment each day!