Resolving to not Resolve

There is a saying that the one trait you fall in love with someone for is likely the trait that will drive you the most crazy during your life. In this journey of seeking to fall in love with who God made me I am finding this out firsthand!

I suppose it is the same with everyone.... that drive for success and attention to detail can morph into destructive perfectionism, or the carefree adventure seeker can become a nomadic person who never buckles down and actually accomplishes anything lasting. I suspect that you all have a trait about yourself that is both an asset and a liability.

I am a big-ideas person! I love to take a small idea and develop a wide-ranging plan. I can see the pre, during, and post event or situation details that shoud not be overlooked. In my head I immediately start solving the potential roadblocks that could develop and the resources needed to overcome. I can see how a grassroots idea can become a multi-faceted national movement.

I can hear you thinking.........and this is bad... why???

Well, when this skill set is turned inward... it can create havoc.

In past years I have resolved to change my ENTIRE ife... Diet, Excercise, Devotions, Friendships, Housekeeping, Finances-you name it. I can come up with a great plan to spend less time in front of the TV and more time "taming" my flesh. Plans are made-sometime they even include stickers!- and off I go gung ho to see my life turn around.

And then I get out of bed a little late on January 2nd. Too late to take that early morning walk that I have promised myself I will take! But I am OK.... then that afternoon at work, the Chocolate Croissants call out to me at the cafe line. Suddenly with the flash of my credit card that I have resolved not to use, I buy the croissant I have resolved not to eat, and spend money that I have resolved not to spend, I am even further in an excercise deficit- remember, I skipped my morning walk! The croissant is flakey and I get chocolate on my shirt, now I have laundry piling up...... and I have once again, broken a promise to myself, God, and now my devotional time becomes what it too often does.... a time of repenting again and complaining again.

It becomes literally a domino effect. Because I tend to make sweeping multi-faceted plans, a failure in one area results in a catastrophic failure in every area and my whole plan is shot.

I realize that this is a completely overblown response, but I realize it is how I am wired.

This year, the hardest resolution that I will make is to NOT make resolutions. I want to look at this year as a marathon, not a sprint.

My deepest desire this year is to have God be my provider and guide. To stop overthinking everything and just be a Child of the King- but I am not making it my resolution!

Happy New Year

Christmas

I am so excited about this Christmas!!!

I have had to remind myself everyday that is actually is Christmas. The weather here has been..... ODD. I am not complaining. I truly don't mind not slogging through the snow, or having to scrape off my car... again! But it is easy to forget. Despite the trimmings and the shopping .... and the cleaning.

I am hosting Christmas this year. Everyone is coming to me. I have been thinking about this for a couple of months now, and I am excited about the prospect- and a little nervous.
Last month I was sick for a couple of weeks, and so I fell behind in the cleaning department. Also, I have been in my house for almost a year, so there are some things that in all the busyness have been forgotten.... ceiling fan blades, spiderwebs in the occasional corner... normal stuff. There are cupboards whose contents don't make any sense but I haven't needed them for anything else, so I have left stuff where it got shoved during the first few months of unpacking.

With the one year anniversary of my move coming up, I am also finally feeling "settled" in-until recently, I still had a couple of boxes that I would move around as I needed the space they were occupying! I am starting to think a lot about paint colours, and I feel like I "know the place" now. And as I see what I want to change with paint and pillows and perhaps a hammer, I also am beginning to see the flaws.

I suppose it is that way with everything. In the newness of any situation, you don't see the details, and that is good, however the challenge becomes staying content when those flaws start to appear.

I have had to fight the urge to take on major projects in the last month or so, projects that would never be ready for Christmas, but which would make ME look like such a domestic DIVA at Christmas. In keeping with the spirit of this year I have decided to just bite off what I can chew!

I will admit that I have done more cleaning that would be normal, and done a lot of rearranging to make room and to 'clean' my spirit and get ready for the new year.

It got me thinking today, we know that Christmas is coming, we count down the days, deep clean our homes and our spirits- I know you behave in December just in case Santa is peeking!
A new dress, new sparkly earrings, perhaps a pair of strappy sandals, new napkins, special table cloth, new recipes, all to make this special time more beautiful- and so we should!

I wonder, though, what would have happened if the world had known the exact date of Jesus' birth.

Likely the Jewish leaders would have made sure to have the nicest hotel room available - perhaps have a royal physician standing by for the birth. As Jesus grew up he likely would have attended all of the best schools.

If the world had known at the time who He was likely we would have never met the woman at the well, He wouldn't have needed to cross the lake to the other side to get a moment's rest from the crowds, and might never have calmed the waves. He certainly wouldn't have been "allowed" to choose 12 ordinary young men to walk with Him everywhere. Zacheas likely wouldn't have needed to be in a tree because he had the money to buy the front row seats that likely would have been on sale- and so no life changing public calling.

So much of Jesus ministry could not have taken place had "the church" accepted Him as messiah earlier... in fact, they wouldn't have had cause to put Him to death! One of the most amazing things that I have come to appreciate about God is His ability to take us as we are.

So this Christmas season stop for a moment and everytime you see a "flaw" let it remind you that God knows every flaw, and that if we were too "clean" He would have no reason to stick around and guide us day to day!

The Big 40!!!

I just realized that this will be my 40th post! There is a lot of Biblical significance to the number 40. As you know it rained for 40 days and 40 nights in Noah's days, the Isrealites wandered in the wilderness for 40 before reaching the promised land.

This time in my life has been both stormy and like the wilderness. While I would never equate my life with an entire generation dying in the desert after being rescued from slavery, I can see some parallels. This has been a growing time, and a time of frustration while I learn to rely on God and sometimes I forget what He has done even just yesterday to provide for me and take me one step closer for the promised land!!

How easy it is to forget from one day to the next the miraculous things that God does day by day. One of the benefits of Blogging is that it forced me to document those all to easily forgotten moments that occur throughout the day.

It is my desire to always see the God and the good in every situation.

There seems to be a common thread to all of the 40's in the Bible. Coming out of each situation there was a promise from God for massive change and growth and progress, but always carried with it the command of God to not forget to say thank you.

Noah built an altar to the Lord, and the Isrealites built a temple as a lasting reminder that God was in their presence. I will build around myself a lifestyle of thankfulness, and for those times that I forget, a wall of people who will remind me!

This is a milestone, a marked moment in my life. I am believing for a turning point, a reaping of what has been sown over the last years. I can almost see over the horizon........ just one more moment......... just wait, I'll tell you when I see it!!

Events in Contrast

Tonight I had the amazing opportunity to attend a celebration for the best Pastor in the World! Pastor Barry is an amazing man with an amazing Legacy of service, wisdom and laughter. He has been all over the world and touched so many lives. We are truly blessed to follow Christ under his leadership. It is because of his pastoring and vision that I have been accepted and had opportunities that I never thought I would have ever experienced.

Tonight we gathered to celebrate his birthday with some of the most amazing people; Leaders in business, ministry, service, all with 3 things in common: Christ, The Life Centre and Pastor Barry... in that order of priority! We heard messages of congratulations from all over the world, names you would recognize and some that you wouldn't. All spoke of the value of the legacy that is Pastor's life!! We were family in that room all a piece of the tapestry of The Life Centre.

No one outside of the church walls would understand what it meant.

When I compare this event to the one last week where I met our Prime Minister and rubbed shoulders with the "Glitterati" of our fair city, business leaders and policitans local celebrities and "known" faces. The food was on par, the beauty of each event enough to take your breath away. But there was a major difference.

In the air at the Breakfast was the smell of "agenda" and a frenetic need to see and be seen. There was nothing familliar, or famillial about the breakfast.

With all of the influence and money in that room there was nothing that would impact in eternity. Even the gifts and the donations that were given will fall to the wayside when motives of the heart are weighed in. No amount of money could buy the influence that Pastor Barry carries in his humility.

As I sat in the family atmosphere, looking at all the faces and knowing so many stories and seeing so much of what God has done in so many lives, I realized that if I had the opportunity to choose the quiet, steady rise to influence of ministry or the glittering influence that is so surface.... well I guess that is an easy answer.

Goodbye fame and hello legacy.

THAT, I suppose is the best gift I can give to my favourite Pastor!!!

Happy Birthday Pastor Barry!

Photgraphic Proof

As promised, here is the picture....

That is me on the Right

Rubbing Shoulders

I just had the most amazing experience!!
As a thank you for some volunteer work that I did this year I was invited to a major fundraising even for the Ottawa Food Bank. It was a fancy affair, many dignitaries were there and lots of "known" people serving the buffet. I went with some work colleagues who had all contributed throughout the year.

At one point it was announced that the Prime Minister was in the building and we decided that we were going to go and meet him and try to get a picture. As we went over there was the usual security contingent and as we tried to jockey to get close, a woman with a walkie-talkie asked what we were doing. I told her what we wanted, her response was "I don't think that's gonna happen" as if somehow we were not good enough!! Well that just made us more resolved to make it happen!

I turned to get a better position, and out of the corner of my eye I realized that one of the men in my group was standing posed with the Prime Minister!!! I stepped in behind them and got in the picture. Mr Harper was very patient as someone in our group tried to take a picture with a disposable camera! Once, twice three times he tried as we were there, suddenly, an official man with a beautiful camera stepped in and took an OFFICIAL Parliamentary photo!

Before walking away, Mr. Harper stopped, looked me in the eye, asked my name and said "it was nice to meet you Laura".

As soon as I have a copy of the photo, I will post it here!

There is a lesson to be learned here! Seizing an opportunity that is presented can often net a bigger success than you were willing to settle for.

Isn't that just like GOD? I went to the event hoping to see some famous faces, perhaps flirted with a Hockey player or two. I would have been excited to grab a grainy, out of focus, picture as the Prime Minister walked past, and yet here we were POSED for an official photo!

I have been constantly reminded lately through circumstances and situations, that our God is not the God of just enough. He is the God of the ABUNDANT blessings that we cannot even imagine. If we are humble and not presumptuous, He will take what we ask and multiply it!

For you, meeting the PM might not be a big deal, but there is something else that you are wanting. It is good to believe God for enough, but maybe just maybe He has an unforgettable moment in store!

Life Questions

Have you ever had a moment when someone asks you something that hits at the core of your being? That place that remains covered because you are afraid of what COULD be inside? Kind of like that Tupperware container in the back of your fridge!

Well, I had 2 moments like that this week! How good is God that He goes digging when He knows you are ready? Like waiting for a sliver to work its way out so that the pain is bearable. However, like a sliver it can also be uncomfortable for a time.

The first question was posted on Lori's Blog and accompanied by an amazing peom by Leah. The question was "What does God see when He looks at you?"

For some reason when I started to think about the fact that God knows everything about me, I started to panic. For as long as I can remember there was something I felt like I needed to hide about myself. As a family we did a lot of hiding. We hid our discontentment, we hid our dysfunction, and we hid our dislike for one another, because families don't show that stuff to outsiders. A few years ago, I realized that I had carried that into my adult life. There was so much about myself that I felt I needed to keep hidden, things like my insecurities, my fears and my failures. The thing that I feared the most was that someone would find out that I wasn't who I wanted people to think that I was and that they would get to know me and not like what they saw.

I suppose that fear was somewhat logical, in that I knew all about me and I didn't like myself, so why would someone else who has no obligation?

A few years ago that changed dramatically, and has been changing ever since. As God often does when we are finally ready, he allowed circumstances in my life which resulted in me not being able to hide anymore. I was like the Wizard of Oz "pay no attention to the man behind the curtain"... keep believing the charade!! I didn't think that I could survive, and I held my proverbial breath as the world was exposed to the real me; the fearful, insecure, desperate to be loved little girl.

While all this was happening, I was ready to be all alone and unloved after the dust settled. I was prepared to go on with only God and to rebuild from the ground up.

As is often the case, my fear proved to be stronger in it's potential than in the reality. In walking out my challenges, I found a support system that I didn't know existed. And in my transparancey and vulnerability people came to stand beside me, attracted by the authenticity of my life.

In being real for the first time, I think that it created an open door for people to enter and be at rest. No one wants to be in the presence of someone who has it all figured out, but they can connect to the hurt and the pain. In the last five years, I have developed the best friendships I have ever known, I have grown in my family relationships and through the realistic view of myself God has brought me through amazing times of growth. If you had told me then where I would be in my life, I never would have believed you!!

There is still a part of me that wants to hide the imperfection especially from God, all I want is for Him to be proud of me.

I know that He is proud of me. When He looks at me I know that he smiles at my antics, weeps at the lies I believe about myself, and most of all he is excited about what is coming next in my life. I think of God as a parent with a gift that they are excited to give their child. I almost cannot wait for Christmas because I know how much people will love the gifts I give them!!

I know that God sees my generous, giving heart, and the strength of Character. He sees my deep desire to be a woman of integrity and kindness. I think that he sees me for all that I can be. When he looks at me He sees someone who can change the world!

Most of all when He looks at me, He sees His own handprint from the moulding and shaping.