Redraw the Line

How's this for 'messy' and out there. I lost 50 pounds, and I still feel fat!

Ok here's the story behind the emotion. A year and a half ago, God rocked my world and gave me success in weight loss for the first time in 100 years (or so it felt like!) , I was totally happy with the success of it all. I felt great, stronger, like for the first time I could accomplish a goal. In doing so God broke off a number of lids in my life regarding what I could accomplish.

Over time, I have slipped back into my old eating ways. Thankfully, I have not gained a whole lot back, but I do FEEL yucky like the old days. I have suddenly found myself thinking in the way I used to think, and dealing with those feelings in old ways.

There is a cycle that follows those who don't eat well and then gain weight. There is a sense of hopelessness to the whole situation, as day after day after day, you promise yourself that today I will stick to the 'holy' plan, only to succumb right after breakfast! For too many years, I lived beating myself up about the food I was putting into my mouth, and I thought that I had gotten a major breakthrough, that I was free!!!! Except like a lot of battles, merely gaining the ground is not enough, you have to fight to keep it!

All the way through my weight loss, I knew that I knew that God had done a big work in me just to be able to make the better choices and stick to them. It was all God. But I think over time, as I ate whatever I wanted to, and found that I didn't gain that much, I started to make a fatal mistake. I started to take credit for the weight loss, and for the changes in my life style. They became a source of pride (not in a good way!), and part of my identity. As time went on, I felt this accomplishment slipping away at the same rate as my jeans got a little tighter, and I suddenly felt myself being who I used to be. And I panicked every time I made a plan to get back on track and failed. I began to wonder why God had removed his grace from this area of my life.

In dealing with these feelings, I began to chat with a friend who has struggled with smoking on and off for years, and she has resolved and tried to quit more times than I can count. At one point she was doing quite well, and then something happened and she was back to it. She too felt like God had withdrawn the grace for the victory.

I began to think. What if there are moments in our lives where God does a great work, but requires of us that we continue to rely on Him to continue to see the victory in that area? What if occasionally He re-draws the line of our dependence on Him?

I think of the kids in my life and the times when they are doing something new, they are so determined to do it on their own and depending on what it is, I will stand by and watch, occasionally offering my help. Frequently what happens is help is needed but not for the WHOLE task, just for the next step. So I assist when asked, then take my hands off to allow for the learning to continue, until the next hurdle. I have noticed as they grow and get stronger, I find I stand just a little further away from them, because it helps me to see the big picture of what they are trying to accomplish, and they don't need me with my hand on their back like they did when they were toddlers.

Occasionally, they get to a point where they are stuck or don't know what to do next, an offer of help often is responded to with "no thanks, I can do it" followed by a long pause, then "umm... auntie Laura, could you help me?" With a smile, I always step in, but I need to wait to be asked. It makes sense that God responds similarly to us. I don't suppose that it is fair then, to wonder where His grace has gone, when we choose not to utilize it!

Is there an area of your life that needs God's help?

Weekend Reflections

I spent the weekend with 2 of my fave people in the whole wide world. My 8 year-old niece and my 5 year-old nephew. We did lots of fun stuff and have a great time. I am trying very hard to squeeze in as much time with them as I can before I go away for 6 months.

There are always challenges that come with kids who miss their parents and aunties who are tired from the shift into 'parenthood'. It is so much fun though, despite the challenges to stop and take stock of who these little people are becoming. The older they get, the more we recognize the personality traits that were present all along. I recall looking at baby pictures and seeing an expression that we thought was just 'cute' but we see now that it holds all the compassion and caring that is so much a part of who she is becoming as a young lady. In the same way, those big blue eyes and dimples he has had everyday of his life, continue to melt any amount of frustration or tiredness even when meting out consequences of his poor choices.

Coming home from a weekend with the kids, I always have a long list of examples of how my life with them is like my life with God. For weeks after, I will be in situations and God will whisper to me "do you remember with the kids... that is the same with me". It has seemed that my walk and development in the spirit has mirrored their physical development. When they were babies, God spoke to me about complete dependence on Him, as they are getting older and more independant, God is speaking to me about a maturing process in my life. Always it has to do with the sentiment expressed in Matt 7:9-11

9"Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? 10Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? 11If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!

I think of the things that I am willing to do for those kids...... and that is me who is EVIL....... God is amazing!! Think about that!

One of only...

I have never been driven to be the best at anything. I have never desired the status that comes from being first. It never made any sense to me why people stand in line for hours to watch a movie on opening night.... I figure it will be the same movie 3 weeks from now when I watch it in a half empty theatre where I had my pick of seats.
Lately though, I have been thinking a lot about what it means to be "one of only..." I recently was selected to attend a training program/interview process for a really amazing job. For 2 weeks they put us through the paces, and we knew that there were more candidates than job offers. Right from the get-go it was instilled into us that we were the elite. 3000 resumes, 250 interviews, 100 candidates, and only 75 positions. It was truly an honour to be selected for the training.
Even more amazing perhaps is that in being chosen for the position, I realized, they have only run this program 5 times before, and only 75 people per session, means that for this exact job, only about 400 people in all of Canada have ever done what I am going to do! It makes you stop and think for a moment.
It is strange that in some circumstances we take our value and worth from the number of people we rank higher than. In other circumstances it is the fact that a pool is so limited that makes it so special.
Even though we spend our lives being ranked and judge either by how many we have overcome or by how limited the numbers we share our experiences with, with God, EVERYONE is exactly the same.... we are ALL sinners. The great levelling ground of our lives is in the declaration from God that we all need Jesus. Even more incredible is that even our sins are not ranked, God views each one as equal to the other. Amazingly then, the Bible says that we cannot boast in ourselves, because Christ is the sacrifice that makes grace possible-it is not of ourselves.
Yet, within this massive crowd of humanity that we stand shoulder to shoulder with, equally in need of salvation, Jesus is somehow able to draw us out, one-by-one, to meet our needs and to approach us in a unique way that says "You are my one and only. You are my beloved". Only once in all of human history, has a perfect, sinless, holy man, met the requirements that I, yet another sinner, needed for my salvation. To draw a very poor analogy..... that would be like destroying the Mona Lisa because the frame was the perfect size for my niece's drawing. But that is the value that God places on my life and yours. For Him, the sacrifice, while painful, was the entire point-as if da Vinci painted the masterpiece solely so that four hundred years later the frame would be available!
What do I do with my 'status? I whine and complain that I am not 'further along' in my walk, I ignore the prompting of God to dream bigger dreams, but what I think is most sad of all........ I forget..... I am one of only....... ONE...... loved by God, treasured, beloved, redeemed child of the most High..... guess what......

SO ARE YOU!!!

As Promised

We lost another hero. Another life spent in service to others. This time in a tragic accident. The tears don't know the difference, the loss no less painful. We think of his family and mates who are left behind. To you all, we say "Thank You"

In whose strength?

I had a realization this week. I have been preparing to make my journey overseas to work in an environment that is very challenging physically as well as spiritually. I had been approaching my preparations with the thought that I would have to have a self-perpetuating faith, a faith that doesn’t require the input and teaching of a community to keep the boiling point high. God has built us to need community, yet calls us to individual faith.

In my life, this requires a new level of pressing in, and seeking God’s face. I have realized just how much I am reliant on and crave the teaching I get at church to keep me going. As I have stepped back from a number of different commitments where I have been able to exercise faith and talk openly and see lives change, I have noticed that I had not fared quite as well as I thought I would. I began to rest on my own strength, to steel myself for the ‘fight’ of life, and I got whipped around by the waves. I noticed that after a couple of weeks of this, I was frustrated, angry and very very lonely.
As I pressed into God during worship on Sunday, I heard from the Lord on this point. I heard His gentle rebuke. I realized that not only was I trying to do this in my own strength, but that I had forgotten that God is going to be where I am going. He has not stopped at the border and stood aside and expected me to go ahead of Him. He is there, waiting, He has prepared hearts to hear the gospel, He has set up divine appointments already where I will be able to see God’s hand at work.
Even more interesting than that, is the fact that not only had my spiritual attitude changed slightly, but my outlook on a number of different issues that God had walked me into victory.
I realize just how weak my flesh is, how much I am desperate for the presence of God, and how even the things that we think ‘we’ have overcome, are not in our own strength, but in His.

Law of Diminishing Returns

There is a law that states that the more often something shocking happens, the less shocking it becomes. The same holds true with the highs from addictions, or the thrill from an adrenaline inducing experience.





Sadly, the same law seems to apply in the media. It used to be that a soldier killed in combat was headline news, it was the lead story. But 84 deaths later, and I have noticed that the stories are buried deeper and deeper. Now, it is hard to hear about at all. This is not acceptable. EVERY life is precious, election results from another country (even the states) should NOT override the tribute that our soldiers deserve. I am making a commitment to mark EVERY soldier's story on this blog. Nothing is more important than thanking those who are willing to stand in the gap.





Today, sadly there is one more picture to post. One more family devastated, one more hero lost to us.

When we forget to value the sacrifices, we lose a part of ourselves. We cannot turn a blind eye.

Good Friends by the Carload!

I love the community of believers that comes with belonging to a great church. I have had the amazing privilege of hosting a group of amazing people who visit friends of mine. They have often stayed in my home and it has been so amazing to get to know a group of young adults who are so passionate about the things of God, and who are giving thier lives to those around them. These are the next generation of amazing leaders!

I am inspired by their faith, their strength and their leadership. With these people in leadership, there is nothing that the next generation cannot achieve!