In whose strength?

I had a realization this week. I have been preparing to make my journey overseas to work in an environment that is very challenging physically as well as spiritually. I had been approaching my preparations with the thought that I would have to have a self-perpetuating faith, a faith that doesn’t require the input and teaching of a community to keep the boiling point high. God has built us to need community, yet calls us to individual faith.

In my life, this requires a new level of pressing in, and seeking God’s face. I have realized just how much I am reliant on and crave the teaching I get at church to keep me going. As I have stepped back from a number of different commitments where I have been able to exercise faith and talk openly and see lives change, I have noticed that I had not fared quite as well as I thought I would. I began to rest on my own strength, to steel myself for the ‘fight’ of life, and I got whipped around by the waves. I noticed that after a couple of weeks of this, I was frustrated, angry and very very lonely.
As I pressed into God during worship on Sunday, I heard from the Lord on this point. I heard His gentle rebuke. I realized that not only was I trying to do this in my own strength, but that I had forgotten that God is going to be where I am going. He has not stopped at the border and stood aside and expected me to go ahead of Him. He is there, waiting, He has prepared hearts to hear the gospel, He has set up divine appointments already where I will be able to see God’s hand at work.
Even more interesting than that, is the fact that not only had my spiritual attitude changed slightly, but my outlook on a number of different issues that God had walked me into victory.
I realize just how weak my flesh is, how much I am desperate for the presence of God, and how even the things that we think ‘we’ have overcome, are not in our own strength, but in His.