Practicing to Serve

First let me apologize for the delay... time get away from me and the promised post didn't happen!

How do we make service a lifestyle? I suppose that the answer to this is to just practice it! There are so may examples of the things in our lives that we practice to have incorporated in our lives.

One of the areas that doesn't come as naturally for me is in the area of my relationships with men. For a number of reasons, viewing men as a serving opportunity brings up a lot of defenses and excuses. I want so much to - when God's timing comes - be a great wife. I have learned through much observation that most of what makes a great wife is an attitude and lifestyle of servanthood. Notice I didn't say servitude! I want to tred very carefully here because this can be totally misconstrued... however stay with me and hopefully I can clearly communicate what is in my heart.

I have often said that sometimes there are multiple ways to fulfill the call of God on our lives. That if there is a hope deferred or a waiting for something, if we break down the core values of that hope deferred we can often find another way to meet the same end. The same is true with servanthood. My hope deferred is that of being a wife. I would be remiss if I didn't take this "in the meantime" opportunity to practice so that when the time is right I am not stumbling through serving my husband.

So what's a single girl to do? I have decided that as far as it depends on me, and within the boundaries of propriety and integrity, I want to serve the single men around me in a variety of ways, and at the same time, practice servanthood.

I can serve them by always being kind, always honouring them
I can serve them by setting up safe boundaries
I can serve them by ensuring that my conduct in dress, speech and action always errs on the side of modesty and caution
I can serve them by EXPECTING their best from them
I can serve them by encouraging them
I can serve them by feeding them! :-)
I can serve them by watching out for them in situations that might be compromising
I can serve them by providing advice and counsel regarding women (and that we like to have doors opened for us!)
I can serve them by praying for them
I can serve them by nudging them toward godliness, chivalry, and integrity

In all of these ways, I can invest in them with their best interest at heart. It is my desire to model for these brothers in Christ what a Godly woman is like to be around so that as they seek out the woman of their dreams, they are at full strength because they are topped up with honour and respect and the knowledge of how to be the best they can be. As well, I want to raise their expectations, to have them know how it feels to be treated well so that if someone treats them poorly they might think "this isn't what I want, even my friend Laura, who is like my sister, treats me better than this!! "

Often, our culture allows us to expect less of ourselves and especially the men around us. As a result, often there is nothing for them to strive towards. It is my earnest desire to change this because I know-and have experienced- that people in general, and men specifically ALWAYS rise to the expectations we have of them. I have decided quite simply to expect nothing but the best from the men around me. In that way, I can serve them, and practise what I want to have become a lifestyle.

Disciples Serve -Part 2

There are always the usual ways that we can serve one another... hold a door, say a prayer, make a meal or any one of a thousand other ways that we talk about in our culture of 'church'.


I have been thinking, though, that there must be more to this. There must be a deeper ideal if service is to become a lifestyle. It is too easy to get over-committed with 'service opportunities' yet feel like nothing more than a worker bee. So many times, there is no sense of purpose to yet another early morning at church or a last walk-through to check and make sure all the lights are off before locking up. I have, in the past, found myself overtired and perhaps a little resentful at the end of a long season of 'service'.


Someone has to do these things and I have no problem taking my turn, except, is it really service if I am grumbling about it, or if I have to constantly remind myself that serving is the 'holy thing'? What if there is something that I am missing?I am definitely a willing servant, but when service comes out of a mental assent that it is the 'right' or 'good' thing to do.


It occurs to me that servant hood must be a lifestyle. Not in terms of quantity of time serving, but rather in terms of motivation. It is the difference between someone who plays the occasional sport and someone who has sports as a lifestyle-it permeates everything they do. When service gets into your heart and becomes a lifestyle, you don't need to look for opportunities, and you don't need to rest from it. People for whom servant hood is a lifestyle don't have to think about serving, it just is part of their fabric.

Does Servant hood come naturally to you? Or have you had to develop it over time?

Next Time-Practising to serve.

Disciples Serve

At TLC, we are doing a series called Disciple. Last week, the topic was "Disciples Serve".
I have been thinking about all the ways that those around us can serve one another.

Jesus took a Towel, knelt down and washed the feet of His disciples.
He did what needed to be done but that most find either uncomfortable or unnecessary.

There are those in our society who lay down everything-their liberty, comfort, and sometimes their lives in order to do that which is necessary. We question thier choices, belittle their sacrifices but most of all we forget.


Nathan Hornburg was killed in Afghanistan:

This is his family's statement :

"He never shrunk from responsibility, no matter how difficult the call. In a way, that's why he chose to join the Canadian Forces, to serve with the King's Own Calgary Regiment, and in the end, to go to Afghanistan. He had a warrior's heart, never afraid to lead from the front, and encourage those behind him to be brave in the face of adversity. The fact that Nathan volunteered to go to Afghanistan, and the way in which he did so, were characteristic of Nathan's approach to life, and any major decision."

Image: Cdn. Department of National Defence

I feel compelled to daily remember those who are ready and willing to put themselves in harm's way for the betterment and protection of others. To those who serve us with their lives- THANK YOU!

Single Adults in Ottawa

There is a group attempting to unite the singles in Ottawa for social gatherings. There have been a number of events already hosted, some are outings, some are conferences etc.

The people involved have an amazing heart to see single people connected to one another. You can find out more here.

A Monday Pick-me-up

I am thinking today of all of the AMAZING women that I am going to see and hear from today at Lifegroup!

When we first changed the meeting day to Monday, I thought that I wouldn't like it, just because I would rather have something in the middle ofthe week. However, I am realizing that I LOVE starting the week with some social time with my sisters!

Lifegroup is different in so many ways from anything else that I have ever experienced. Especially ours. Somehow, even with 55 women there last week, it still managed to feel like family! Actually, I take that back... not "somehow.... it stll manages...." We worked very hard "ON PURPOSE" to make it feel like that! And we will continue to build relationships and listen to one another's stories, and "DO life together".

I am counting down the hours until we get together!!!

The Bride wore..... the right brand

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just,

whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there

is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.

Philippians 4:8

I don't normally watch commercials, thanks to modern technology, I record what I want to watch and then fast forward through them. One day last week, however, I found myself subjected to a commercial whose messages an subtleties have irked me ever since.

This commercial opens with a beautiful blonde, thin bride, doing all the things that brides do in the hot sun-throwing her arms up in the air and dancing around. We then see a trio of equally beautiful bridesmaids who have discovered that their anti-perspirant has failed them. Their coral-coloured strapless dresses have wet marks under the arms, and they are mortified. It shows them attempting throughout the day to do all the things that thier friend-the perfect bride- is doing but without lifting their arms. Clearly, they are hindered in this area, and these scenes are juxtaposed with the bride in her white, dry arm-pitted, strapless gown throwing the bouquet, posing for pictures and dancing with abandon, while her hapless not-so-smart bridesmaids are left to dance with the less-than-desireables.

At first glance, this is a funny commercial. Who hasn't stood in the blazing sun, in a dress that is made of material that shows EVERY little flaw? Who hasn't endured the stress of having to be at their best in less than ideal circumstances? It's kind of cute.... and no one truly begrudges the bride a perfect day where the messiness of life seems to take a vacation and gives her a free pass?

But let's look deeper..... this commercial essentially sends the message that the people who are worthy of marriage are those who have everything perfectly figured out, those who have discovered the secret to not sweating on a 100 degree day. That those who somehow fall short of the expectation should expect nothing but bridesmaid's dresses for the rest of thier lives- especially since they cannot even reach above their heads to catch the bouquet!

In this world of high expectations, low self-esteem, and a declining rate of marriage, do we really want to send the message that only the perfect people get married? Do we want to plant it in a young woman's mind that how put together she is will determine if she marries? Marriage is a sacred unoin and a treasure for those involved, it should be highly repected... but not too highly regarded. If we make marriage such a rare jewel-like diamonds for the rich, those who feel like they cannot attain it, could end up settling for a cheap knock off.

Do I truly think that one silly anti-perspirant commercial will change the way a whole society views marriage? Probably not, although there are some very highly-paid people in a marketing firm somewhere that hope thier message DOES change someone's thinking. They hope that the subtle-or not so subtle- idea that love and acceptance is contigent upon purchasing their product will cause thousands if not millions of women to go out and buy thier client's product-in fact they have gambled hundreds of thousands of dollars on that hope.

Modesty

In this process I have been on of losing weight, I have access to clothing and an appreciation for how I look that didn't exist before. For the last few months, I have felt better about how I look than at any other point in my life.

With this comes a lot of attention. Sometimes the attention is an appreciative glance from a stranger, often it is a comment about how much I have lost, but by far the most comments I have recieved have come from the girls around me who have known me for a time. Their comments often have the "You WORK IT, girl!" tone to them. Now, don't misunderstand me..... I LOVE the comments. I love it when my hard work is noticed. However, it has brought to mind some interesting thoughts about what and why I choose to wear what I do.

It is natural to want to feel like we look good. It is natural to see an appreciative glance from someone. That is built into us. The problem can come when we wear certain clothes to attract attention or to fill a need in our own lives.

I find that somedays when I am needing a little lift in how I am feeling, and I choose something that will provide that from others. I recall one day this summer when I was dressed up for an event and feeling 'sexy', my friends noticed, and my response was "I want to get hit on today".

I specifically recall this moment because it was at the beginning of a journey that I have been on for about 4 months. I see that in that moment, I was looking for external appreciation. Since then, I have thought often about the WHY behind the clothes that I choose.

This realization made me make some specific choices this summer. There was a certain pair of capris that I really liked wearing. I liked the way I felt like I looked in them, and I got a lot of compliments when I wore them. One Sunday morning, I was standing up at the front of the church worshipping, when I had this feeling like everyone could see right through my pants. I felt like I had a neon arrow pointing to my rearend. I was very self-concious about it.

I realized that this particular outfit made me feel more 'sexy' than beautiful. And I knew at the core of who I am, that 'sexy' is not what I want to be- nor is it kind to the men around me trying to live thier lives in purity. I decided then and there, that I would no longer wear those particular capris to church. And I actually only wore them once or twice more that season, and always with the feeling like I was compromising something of my purity by doing so. There is nothing wrong with capris or even white capris (which these happen to be), rather, as is almost always the case with God, it was the intent of the heart that was the problem.

Is there anything that others might find unusual that you do-or don't do- for modesty's sake?

Check out a very interesting survey on modesty here.

Embodied Destiny

What are you looking at??
You are looking at me holding my new neice. She is the newest member of the family and the first grandchild on our side.

What else are you looking at?

A little girl with some circumstances in her life that could present challenges.

You are looking at destiny. You are looking at untapped potential. You are looking at a young lady in the first 12 hours of her life.

God has ordained her for great things. He knows every moment of her amazing life that is stretched out before her.

You are looking at a Woman of God in the making. We are believing for our whole household to be saved- that includes this little one. You are looking at a little princess surrounded on all sides by people who love her and love Jesus. She is never going to be able to get away from LOVE on all sides!!

Without Titles

This week marked the beginning of a new season of ministry for the ladies of TLC. Last year, Lori began a life group for women that started with just 12 and then grew to 30ish by the end of last year. For the first meeting this season, 55 women showed up to find out what the fuss was all about. Before the beginning of this season, the facilitators sat down and tried to pare down our goals and “begin with the end in mind”. During all of our discussions one of the aspects of why we loved this Lifegroup so much was that no matter what titles you carry with you, people seemed to naturally leave them at the door. It was so safe to just BE WOMEN. As a single woman, I often feel as though Christian Women’s ministries are mislabeled, so often they are primarily focused on wives and mothers. Singles ministries are also mislabeled as so often they are just pity parties for those who would chew off their right arm in exchange for a diamond. There has never before been a place where I have felt a connection with so many others simply because we are all WOMEN!!!

One of the ‘rules’ for our lifegroup is that when we introduce ourselves to the group, we are not allowed to use titles.

As women, we often hide behind our titles: Wife, mother, girlfriend, daughter, professional etc. I recall so many times when I have asked women about themselves and I get a recitation of WHAT they are as opposed to WHO they are.

Since I am not currently working, I don’t really have a title so I thought I wasn’t going to have a problem, but when I got up introduce myself I found it very difficult. Almost like a game of Taboo where you have to describe something but there are certain words that are “Taboo”. Often under pressure, all you can think of is what you CAN’T say!

As the night progressed I realized that I wasn’t the only one who was stretched in this way. Many of the women who spoke actually had to write something down because this was so out of the ordinary for them! You know what? In those few moments, I learned more about those women –some of whom I have known for a long time!- than in all the previous times we had spoken. I heard about what these women are passionate about, and what is important to them. I could hear murmurs in the crowd as people made connections to what the women were saying.

I love that we are ‘forced’ to go deeper.

When you strip away the titles… WHO are you??

Reflections

Recently, I wrote a post about internal vs. external processors.

There were a number of really great comments in response, here they are.....

Waiting

There is a John Mayer song titled "Waiting for the World to change"

I feel like this has become my theme song for this season of my life. There are so many areas that are out of my control, I have no choice but to wait.

I am waiting to hear about jobs I have applied for, I am waiting for that time when God will bring my husband, I am waiting to hear about a family member's health, I am waiting for my niece to be born.

All of these situations are in God's hands. I trust in His ability to bring about the answers. This time though in between, reminds me of when I was a kid and had almost no say in what was going on around me. The uncertainty is uncomfortable, because not only do I not know the answers, but I also don't know the time frames.

Everywhere I turn I am faced with obstacles in my path. As each day passes, my faith in God's ability and willingness to provide for me, my faith must increase to levels I have never known before.

And I am waiting.... not loving it.... but waiting!

Believing the Best

There are certain core values that we live by at Life Centre. One of those is "Believe the Best". Esentially, it means that we believe that everyone is worth our time and God's time. It means that we extend as much grace and acceptance of where they are at in the moment we encounter them.

One of our leaders has a great saying that I cannot recall word-for-word but the underlying idea is that values are only values when they withstand the pressures of life. A value, in my mind is like a law of science, they work everytime you test them out.

This week, those values were seriously put to the test.

There is a situation in my life, where I have to stand back and bite my tongue and allow people to make the mistakes that they are going to make. This is a situation that has me unable to assist in anyway except to pray. I am learning that the kindest thing that I can do is to speak to the potential of the ones that I love.

Thre is nothing else that I can do. I don't like being in that position- I much prefer to have something to DO. Knowing that I cannot change the behaviour of others, I must choose to love in spite of what I see in front of me while leaving thier souls at the foot of the cross.

An Interesting Phenomenon

This blogging thing is a strange hobby!

Some days blogs come easy, sometimes it is hard. I was chatting this weekend with some of the other ladies I know who also blog, and we were comparing notes.

I have found, after almost a year of blogging, that when things are going well, I find it difficult to put together something interesting to write about. I have discovered about myself, that I process difficulty by communicating. I write, or talk, or pray, or just reach out. I have to process out loud. Sometimes that means that those around me find me in that crazy place of needing to talk about something, but not really being able to communicate it effectively. The reality is that these times are amazing for 'material' to blog about. However, in this process, I have learned to delay blogging about these issues in real-time because it is too raw.

On the other hand, one of the other ladies finds that she cannot blog when she is in the midst of the struggle. She needs to sort it out and then can share the end result. I love to read her thoughts and her perspectives because she always writes from a place of victory.

There are times when I wish that I was an internal processor; but I have come to learn, that when I communicate in the midst, it not only helps me get to the end, but it helps others.

Sometimes at the end of a battle, it is hard to go back and unpack those raw emotions, feelings and experiences because we see the victory. If you ask a new mom to describe the feelings before she started labour, she might not remember the small details because she is distracted by the miracle in her arms.

How do you 'process'? Are you and internal thinker, or do you chat your way to break though?

Little Prayers, Big God

How amazing, how wondrous is the love of God! With all that is going on in the world, sometimes we can feel as though our 'little' concerns or questions or problems are not worth the Lord's time. Have you ever held back asking a friend to pray for something because you thought it insignificant?

God is so amazing that our finite minds have a difficult time making sense of these lofty ideas. We only need to look to creation to see a glimpse of God. Scriptures over and over again show us that the creation around us is designed to bring Glory to God, so perhaps the understanding of God's omnipresence can be found in creation in order for us to understand it better.

This quote caught my heart:

The sun, with all those planets revolving around it and dependant on it, can still ripen a bunch of grapes as if it had nothing else in the universe to do.

-Galileo Galilei

As I read this quote I realized, that is it! That is how it works!! God, my God, the God of "more than enough" has more than enough to deal with all of life's situations! Big or small it doesn't matter. Do he grapes ripening on the vine steal any of the sun's ability to keep the atmosphere warm enough for us? Do any of the planets falter in their orbit because the summer is particularly hot? No, of course not! It would be absurd to think that!

Your 'little' prayer asking God to help you find your keys doesn't in any way distract from God's ability to protect your loved ones in need, or steal power from your petition to save your family member. There is more than enough God, and attention and "sunlight" to go around.

The more we learn to rely on God, the more He has the opportunity to surprise us with the answers to all of our needs- Big and Small.

Today, what is one 'little' prayer that you have been holding off praying because you thought it might distract God from the 'big' requests that are already on the list? What if we began to tell God about ALL of our needs? Wouldn't that take up all day everyday? Hmm.... maybe that is the point! Maybe, just maybe that's what 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 means when it says:

16-18 Be cheerful no matter what; pray all the time; thank God no matter what happens. This is the way God wants you who belong to Christ Jesus to live. -The Message (emphasis mine)

Renovations

It has been a great joy to me to be able to spend time at Church as the renovations are coming to an end. I like to see the progress as it is happening.

A funny thing happens though, when a massive renovation is taking place. It begins a new chapter in poeple's minds and hearts. As the furnishings and wall coverings change, attitudes also change. There is this idea that it is time to stop doing things the old way and begin anew.

I assisted one of our pastoral team with a revamp of their storage area. This department in the church has been using the same area for storage for a few years now, but as time progressed since the last renovations more and more 'stuff' has collected. Materials that we no longer use just sit waiting for attention at the boottom of cupboards. So we took everything out, sorted through, re-organized and added some amazing containers, now, it not only looks tidy and neat, it sets that department up for the next season.

It is sometimes the same with our lives. We let stuff pile up and we cram it into the back corners so that we don't have to address it. But eventually we cannot even function. So we take everything out and re-assess. I love that God is in the renovation business.

God is the ultimate "trading spaces" participant. I have friends who always seem to be changing up their home, a little paint here and a new piece there. But God, is ALWAYS looking for ways to rearrange, tear down walls, or recover. With God it is a constant state of changing ME from the inside out. Occasionally, I think that it would be nice to just rest and recuperate, but I know that the longer I rest, the harder it will be to get me going again!

So bring it on! Let's renovate.

Single Girl Moment!

OK, so here's the deal! As a single woman it makes sense that I have to do all the work around the house. I have heard the division of labour in a marriage can fall under the catagories of "Pink Work" and "Blue Work" AKA "stuff she does" and "stuff he does". With the blending of roles in my world I suppose it ALL falls under "Purple Work".. get it? Pink and Blue..... anyway!

For the most part I am happy to do what needs to be done. I don't often FEEL the effects of singleness. I get that my life is pretty great in a lot of ways. One of the main downsides to being single is that there is no other designation for the work, no one else to take on some of those aspects of homeownership that aren't "my gifting or ministry"! Some are obvious... I am intimidated by plumbing and electrical work, somethings are just too HEAVY for me to lift... those might fall naturally under "Blue Work". There are other things, though, that I would LOVE to delegate to someone else... most of these things have to do with smell.

I am not good with things that smell funky-I would rather throw out the Tupperware than subject myself to what grows inside from time to time, and I don't like discovering what might be clogging the drain. But most of all, the thing that I dread the most... happens every week and I dislike it every week is GARBAGE NIGHT. Since I was a kid, my chore was to collect the garbage cans from around the house and empty them. I HATED it then, and I HATE it now.

As strange as it sounds, when I think about the bliss of matrimony, garbage night becoming Blue Work brings me joy... I might have to write that into the vows... "I take you Laura to be my wife.... I promise to love, honour, take out the garbage, in sickness and in health as long as we both shall live..."

I DO!!!!

Don't Forget

One of my favourite TV characters is Jed Bartlett of "The West Wing". I love the writing of the show and the intellect of the wit. In one of the episodes, he addresses his friend about the possible fallout of a political scandal resulting from a previous drug additicton that was going to go public. With a depth of empathy that only Martin Sheen could muster, he says to his friend, the former drug addict:

"Don't forget the battles you have fought and won."

As we move into September and a new season, I am seeing in a lot of people a need to start fresh and a lot of pressure to make new beginnings and see new adventures. More than most, I get the need for growth and new adventure, however, in the midst of the changes and the newness, let's not lose sight of the battles that you have fought and won. Let's make sure that we are remembering what God has brought us through.

When September Comes

This scene presented itself outside my back patio door! A leaf, in it's fall glory just laying there, mocking me....

In the spring we celebrate the first Robin we see, because then it is REALLY spring- I count the beginning of spring from the first Motorcycle that goes by, but that's just me- but in the fall the first fallen leaf signifies both the end and the beginning.

I really like fall. It is my favourite season. I like the cool mornings and evenings and the fond memories the sun holds in her rays all day long. I like that I can open my windows without worrying about letting the cool air out. I like that the days become noticeable shorter. I like to see the changes occurring. With September, though, always seems to come a sadness. Every summer begins stretched out before us and seems interminable. I always have high hopes for the summer of things that I want to do, people to hang out with and growth to have happen in my life.

This summer though, was spent in process. I have discovered much about myself this summer. I have learned a lot about God as well. September feels like a new beginning often. It is not just the kids going back to school who feel it. I have determined that this fall will be productive and strategic and intentional. I will be putting into place a specific plan of action in response to this summer of growth. I have to be cautious not to make too many sweeping changes, but one thing at a time, and this will be a productive fall!

As the summer air turns cooler, trees pull the sap back from their leaves in order to protect it from freezing. The sap is the lifeblood of the tree. As the sap drains down into the roots to nourish them during the winter, the leaves begin to die because they are no longer being nourished. In order to survive the winter, the tree must slough off that which is not essential. In the same way, I want to pull back and evaluate and shed those things which are not essentials in my walk with the Lord. In this way, I can maximize the lifeblood within me to nourish those who God has called me to.