You have, most likely heard of the idea that often the place of your greatest battle or fear is the place of greatest strength that God wants to use you. There are so many times in my life where I have dreaded looking behind the veil of that sentiment. I suppose that is the point of fear isn’t it? The enemies way of keeping us bound in exactly the areas that God has ordained for us to make the biggest impact. I have discovered as well, that sometimes things that start simply as fears, overtime can develop into a belief that we have about ourselves. I have had to face some of these beliefs lately. I have long desired to be in better shape. However, it is one of those things that you just can’t hope to have happen to you, it is something that you have to believe is possible for you and then put in the hours of work to get there. God has this interesting way of going about things!
2 years ago, somewhat suddenly, I was empowered, encouraged, and inspired to change my eating habits. Some of that journey is recorded in previous posts, and I could probably write for months abut that, it was totally God’s providential assistance that allowed me to complete that program. I have never before followed through on anything like that before. It had become a lie in my life that I wasn’t someone who could ‘stick to’ a diet or exercise regime, and in order to not feel the disappointment every time I failed, I bought into the lie that was one of those people who just couldn’t diet. Then God got a hold of me, overrode those beliefs supernaturally, and truly provided me all the tools I needed to overcome. Then I went away, to the desert in the middle of summer, I never thought I was someone who could live in the heat, but He forced my hand, and protected me. He took me places and had me experience things that were amazing.
For some of these experiences, I drew on my successes with weightloss to prove to myself that I could power through and follow through. The story of David, when he was going out to Goliath and spoke of his bear-killing history finishes with the assertion that “this will be like that”. David believed in God’s ability to deliver Goliath into his hands because there was a history. Then as time went on, and new amazing things were accomplished in God, those became the “bear” God had helped me kill!
Through all this, a call to fitness has been burning within me, only to flame out when I tried it alone. Then Ottawa Race weekend came along. Thousands and thousands and thousands of people participate! My roommate at the time, inspired me to sign up for the 5K. At the time of signing up, I was pretty sure that, if forced into it, I could walk 5km without dying, but I knew that I couldn’t run anywhere close to that distance. I was supposed to train, and practice, I had bought a treadmill that got very little use, by the time race weekend came along. As race day approached, I got more and more frustrated, annoyed and angry at myself for failing in this area once again. It was only because I made this commitment to my roommate, and she was going to be there to cheer me on (she was running a different distance) that I even went. Had she not driven me, I might have bailed.
Standing there, among thousands of people I felt like the biggest fraud. I fully expected at any moment, someone to point at me and race officials would come over and physically eject me from the race. I didn’t belong there among all those people… and it was hot…. And I didn’t have the right shoes…. And … and …..and
And then, I took a moment to list all the counter arguments for the lies that were chasing each other around my mind trying to shame me into giving in and giving up. The proofs I used were:
1) I PAID so just that entitled me to a spot at the start line
2) Hot? This isn’t hot… the dessert is Hot! I lived there, I can do this!
3) Right now, there are soldiers in Afghanistan who would LOVE to be able to opt out of the need to run 5K this afternoon, except with them, they have 80-100 pounds of gear… if they can do that, YOU can do this!
As the race started, I was still fighting all the emotions and all of the thoughts that would disqualify me from this accomplishment. As I crossed the START line I was chocking back tears, and the desire to sit and weep. Then the smiling face of my roommate appeared in the midst of the crowd, there she was cheering me on! And I started to run!
I would love to tell you that I ran like the wind, finished well, and am setting world records all over the world, but that is not really how it works, is it?
At the end of the course, everyone was given a medal, everyone! It is fun to say that I got a medal in my FIRST 5k! Only I need to know whole story!
On the way home, my roommate kept jokingly announcing to the cars around us that they needed to let us through because “she’s an athlete!” It is amazing what can happen in the spirit of someone when they buy into a ‘title change’. I had never thought of myself as athletic, and I certainly not ‘earned’ it. But I felt like, in that moment, God changed my title.
I have since joined a running club and loving getting out and running pushing myself further and seeing what I am capable of. I know that it is all about God’s provision and God working on the inside to change those titles I have given myself.
What titles have you called yourself that God wants to break off to bring you to the next level of your destiny?
Friday, July 17, 2009
Monday, July 06, 2009
Can it be true?
I cannot believe that one year ago today I was on a plane on my way to an incredible adventure. It is incredible to me what God is capable of bringing us through in such a short time! It is remarkable to think that no matter how I have felt, or what I wanted out of this experience, God stuck assertively to His better agenda for what needed to be accomplished in me!
I am excited for what is next.
I am excited for what is next.
Friday, July 03, 2009
From the cities to the ends of the earth!
I Love Canada, and yet more and more God is calling me to places abroad. It occurred yesterday as we celebrated Canada Day at church I was once again overwhelmed by my love for Canada. I began to wonder to myself how this love of Canada translates to leaving her boarders so often in my mind and heart. There was a whispered response.
“you can only love Canada more when you see her in relation to others around.” It is true so often that you don’t know or appreciate what you have until it is gone. You don’t appreciate the municipal water supply until you have to use bottled water to brush your teeth. The roads that get blocked with construction for so long can best be appreciated when you walk on nothing but dirt and gravel. You come to realize that there are people whose voice can never be heard, or whose face will never be seen outside their families, and you realize what a privilege it is to live here.
It is my desperate desire to serve Canada and serve God in the destiny of our nation. I feel as though my ability to serve Canada is directly proportionate to how much I love her and her people. As our amazing Arts pastor said in her amazing talk on Sunday “what moves you to compassion is the key to unlocking your destiny”.
“you can only love Canada more when you see her in relation to others around.” It is true so often that you don’t know or appreciate what you have until it is gone. You don’t appreciate the municipal water supply until you have to use bottled water to brush your teeth. The roads that get blocked with construction for so long can best be appreciated when you walk on nothing but dirt and gravel. You come to realize that there are people whose voice can never be heard, or whose face will never be seen outside their families, and you realize what a privilege it is to live here.
It is my desperate desire to serve Canada and serve God in the destiny of our nation. I feel as though my ability to serve Canada is directly proportionate to how much I love her and her people. As our amazing Arts pastor said in her amazing talk on Sunday “what moves you to compassion is the key to unlocking your destiny”.
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Why I Love Canada
There are so many things that are going on in our world right now that can cause people to look at Canada as a challenging place to be. There is so much that is wrong with the way our society works, but it is still (in my opinion) the best place in the world to live. I have, as a result of my experiences this year, some insight into how those around the world live, and they compared to almost anywhere else, our amazing country rises above the others.
Here are some of the reasons that I love Canada
1) It was founded upon the principle that people can come to agreement without bloodshed
2) I love that I can vote in elections without fear of intimidation, discrimination, or corruption
3) I love that there is diversity of landscape, weather and cultures
4) I love that no matter where you go in the world, Canadians are respected
5) I love that we are wiling and able to come to the aid of others who are less free. Whether leading peacekeeping missions or combat missions, we effectively use our resources to give to those who need our help
6) I love that as a woman, there are no limitations on my dreams and aspirations
7) I love that whether I agree with you or not, you have the right to spout whatever ignorant, uninformed beliefs that you have.
8) I love that from the Atlantic to the Pacific, Hockey and Tim Horton’s binds us together! And I love that we have exported both to the mission in Afghanistan!
9) I love that a Canadian passport implies “friend” not enemy
10) I love that other nations smile indulgently at our collective naivety in some areas because we have never experienced some of the horrors of things like civil war, deep atrocities, war within our boarders and apartheid.
11) I love that the children in my life are almost guaranteed to never experience starvation, illiteracy, war in their street, or persecution.
12) I love that Canada is not always easy to love, but that she engenders a passionate response in so many people, passionate responses means that people are engaged. Even if it just enough to complain about the weather!
Happy Birthday Canada!
Here are some of the reasons that I love Canada
1) It was founded upon the principle that people can come to agreement without bloodshed
2) I love that I can vote in elections without fear of intimidation, discrimination, or corruption
3) I love that there is diversity of landscape, weather and cultures
4) I love that no matter where you go in the world, Canadians are respected
5) I love that we are wiling and able to come to the aid of others who are less free. Whether leading peacekeeping missions or combat missions, we effectively use our resources to give to those who need our help
6) I love that as a woman, there are no limitations on my dreams and aspirations
7) I love that whether I agree with you or not, you have the right to spout whatever ignorant, uninformed beliefs that you have.
8) I love that from the Atlantic to the Pacific, Hockey and Tim Horton’s binds us together! And I love that we have exported both to the mission in Afghanistan!
9) I love that a Canadian passport implies “friend” not enemy
10) I love that other nations smile indulgently at our collective naivety in some areas because we have never experienced some of the horrors of things like civil war, deep atrocities, war within our boarders and apartheid.
11) I love that the children in my life are almost guaranteed to never experience starvation, illiteracy, war in their street, or persecution.
12) I love that Canada is not always easy to love, but that she engenders a passionate response in so many people, passionate responses means that people are engaged. Even if it just enough to complain about the weather!
Happy Birthday Canada!
Saturday, June 27, 2009
You gotta let Jesus water it!
In January I decided that this would be the year of flowers. I was given a dozen roses upon my return from overseas and loved it! In February, I was given a rose plant by a good friend for Valentines Day “so that you will never be without”. This rose plant has been an interesting metaphor for my life in the last few months as I have sought frankly to not kill it! I am not really one you would describe as having a green thumb. I love how flowers look in the house and the joy they bring to my life.
Over the months, this plant has seen good days and bad days. It was thriving nicely and then I went away for a week, I thought it would be OK, but sadly, it seemed worse for wear when I got home! Imagine that! I worked hard with my limited ability to nurse it back to health! Finally, I decided to do something drastic! I got rid of all the dead stuff, and bought a very pretty pot to put it in (I am pretty sure that plants like a pretty pot!) and replanted it with some Miracle Grow potting soil. I asked a few expert types what the best approach was for this poor plant. Finally, the friend who gave it to me asked me where it was in the house. I told her in the kitchen close to the windows that get sun from 2 directions, but that I wasn’t sure how often to water it or anything like that. Her response? “put it outside and let Jesus water it!”
By this point, the plant was little more than thorny twigs in a pretty pot, so I figured I had nothing to lose! Sure enough, this morning when I went out I noticed that it was getting some leaves back on it.
It occurred to me that this is a great example of my life in Christ! Since returning from my experiences overseas, there have been some dry times, there have been times of feeling neglected (maybe even by God) I have felt thirsty and I have for sure felt like I had nothing left. I wasn’t blooming, or seeming to be benefiting anyone, I was just becoming thorny twigs. There have been some moments in the sun and others of dryness I have never experienced before. I have realized that in all this time, there was Someone who was invested in my well-being, who wants nothing more than to see me thrive.
Where this metaphor falls apart, of course, is that my plant didn’t choose to reject, pout or decline the life giving water that was being offered. It didn’t complain that the temperature was not quite what it wanted and therefore questioned my good intentions toward it! Of course, in this experience with God, it could be argued that I did all these things and yet the great Gardener kept at it, pruning, removing the dead leaves, stripping me down to the core of who I am in Him. He has been teaching me to rely on Him more and more. In all of our circumstances, we can choose to strive, or we can take God at His word that He will take care of the lilies of the field how much more will He take care of us.
Over the months, this plant has seen good days and bad days. It was thriving nicely and then I went away for a week, I thought it would be OK, but sadly, it seemed worse for wear when I got home! Imagine that! I worked hard with my limited ability to nurse it back to health! Finally, I decided to do something drastic! I got rid of all the dead stuff, and bought a very pretty pot to put it in (I am pretty sure that plants like a pretty pot!) and replanted it with some Miracle Grow potting soil. I asked a few expert types what the best approach was for this poor plant. Finally, the friend who gave it to me asked me where it was in the house. I told her in the kitchen close to the windows that get sun from 2 directions, but that I wasn’t sure how often to water it or anything like that. Her response? “put it outside and let Jesus water it!”
By this point, the plant was little more than thorny twigs in a pretty pot, so I figured I had nothing to lose! Sure enough, this morning when I went out I noticed that it was getting some leaves back on it.
It occurred to me that this is a great example of my life in Christ! Since returning from my experiences overseas, there have been some dry times, there have been times of feeling neglected (maybe even by God) I have felt thirsty and I have for sure felt like I had nothing left. I wasn’t blooming, or seeming to be benefiting anyone, I was just becoming thorny twigs. There have been some moments in the sun and others of dryness I have never experienced before. I have realized that in all this time, there was Someone who was invested in my well-being, who wants nothing more than to see me thrive.
Where this metaphor falls apart, of course, is that my plant didn’t choose to reject, pout or decline the life giving water that was being offered. It didn’t complain that the temperature was not quite what it wanted and therefore questioned my good intentions toward it! Of course, in this experience with God, it could be argued that I did all these things and yet the great Gardener kept at it, pruning, removing the dead leaves, stripping me down to the core of who I am in Him. He has been teaching me to rely on Him more and more. In all of our circumstances, we can choose to strive, or we can take God at His word that He will take care of the lilies of the field how much more will He take care of us.
I am looking forward to seeing what else I can put out and just simply let Jesus water!
Saturday, May 23, 2009
Fighting through
Today I participated in an event that I have wanted to do for a long time and yet never thought I had it in me. I did a 5km race. It was a big achievement-not from an athletic perspective, my time was horrible. Good thing that wasn't the point of today though. The point today was simply to show up and to finish.
Surprisingly, simply showing up was a battle that I didn't expect. I realized as I stood there waiting for the race to start that I was fighting this whole idea that I didn't belong and that given the fact that I wimped out on my training, I probably didn't even deserve this achievement.
As the race began, I actually began to cry as my iPod played Jonny Lang's "Only a Man". One verse of the song is an exchange between "the man" and God:
Man: I'll give you my burdens...
God: I'll give you peaced
Man:..all of my desires
God: ..... I'll give you what you need
Man:...what about these chains, Lord
God: I'll set you free
Man: But they're so heavy
God: Just lay them at my feet
Man: Just promise you won't leave me
God:I'll never leave
Man: So where do I go from here. Lord
God: Just follow me, just follow me
It was a beautiful reminder that no matter what the burdens, the lies I have believed about myself, or the limitations that I thought Iwould never overcome, all these things are chains that God has said He will take and deal with.
As the rest of the journey unfolded, God used the music on my iPod to motivate and speak to me about the truth of Who He is.
I am grateful to have a God who doesn't hold us ransom to our inadequacies.
I am also grateful for an amazing friend who cheered me on, and made her voice heard above the crowd to let me know she was proud of me! Thanks roommie!
Surprisingly, simply showing up was a battle that I didn't expect. I realized as I stood there waiting for the race to start that I was fighting this whole idea that I didn't belong and that given the fact that I wimped out on my training, I probably didn't even deserve this achievement.
As the race began, I actually began to cry as my iPod played Jonny Lang's "Only a Man". One verse of the song is an exchange between "the man" and God:
Man: I'll give you my burdens...
God: I'll give you peaced
Man:..all of my desires
God: ..... I'll give you what you need
Man:...what about these chains, Lord
God: I'll set you free
Man: But they're so heavy
God: Just lay them at my feet
Man: Just promise you won't leave me
God:I'll never leave
Man: So where do I go from here. Lord
God: Just follow me, just follow me
It was a beautiful reminder that no matter what the burdens, the lies I have believed about myself, or the limitations that I thought Iwould never overcome, all these things are chains that God has said He will take and deal with.
As the rest of the journey unfolded, God used the music on my iPod to motivate and speak to me about the truth of Who He is.
I am grateful to have a God who doesn't hold us ransom to our inadequacies.
I am also grateful for an amazing friend who cheered me on, and made her voice heard above the crowd to let me know she was proud of me! Thanks roommie!
Thursday, May 21, 2009
The sound of peace!
As I studied today for a paper I am writing on Galatians, I was reminded of how much I love the feel and the sound of Bible pages turning. As I browsed through looking for a particular scripture, it occurred to me how amazing God is for even this detail. That some one would decide that His word was worthy of special treatment and leather and gold edged pages. It just adds an aspect of beauty to the study of His precious Word.
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