As Christians we often feel the weight of the higher standards that God holds us to. You all know what I mean! Turning the other cheek, making the first move when asking for forgiveness.
If I unintentionally hurt someone's feelings, I feel so bad FOR DAYS.
If I underachieve at work, guilt and questions come to mind about what witness I am leaving with those around me.
I know that God is not that way, that He is slow to anger and he calls us higher for our own good.
There are a couple of natural examples of what I mean. I am looking to adopt a dog. Thousands of people who work full time have perfectly happy and healthy dogs, however EVERY time I talk to the Shelters about my life, I am not a good match for the dog because I work full time and live in a townhouse. Are you kidding me???? These are dogs whose owners have abandoned, abused, neglected them and I am not a good option for a dog owner????
I am also looking to "adopt" a husband! :-) I have often had conversations with people about a specific man I am interested in, and almost without execption eventually it comes to "you are probably physically not what he is looking for" meaning those extra pounds of fellowship and comfort sitting around my hips and waist make me unsuitable!
Now let's get real... although handsome in their own right, NONE of these men that I have been interested in would even be a LONG SHOT to appear on the cover of GQ magazine. WHO are THEY??? It is so frustrating that with all of the other great things about me- things I have worked hard to develop in my life, THIS one item that we are all supposed to be looking beyond, is the ONE reason that disqualifies me somehow. I hear others around me who are mean to their men, or disrespectful and I wonder why do they get to be imperfect and still get married but I can't?
At work it is the same thing. I will be qualified for a job in every area but one small detail, a detail that would be no issue to learn, but somehow THAT is what makes the difference, even though I know that the person who got the job has an issue with integrity.
I am so tired of feeling like any dog or man would have made a concession to be in my life. (I am actually not equating the two of them, I am just dealing with the 2 issues at the same time!) I am frustrated with coming up just a little short it seems all the time- mostly I am frustrated because it seems like the standards for me are higher than for everyone around me.
It is difficult to remember in those moments that God is sovereign and that He has a plan and a purpose, that there is a great dog, man, job for me!! I know that especially with the man, that God is crafting one especially for me and is crafting me for that special one. I know that when the moment is right, God will cause our hearts to be captured with one another and it truly won't matter what either of us looks like!!!
And life gets a little messy!
Thursday, November 30, 2006
Sunday, November 26, 2006
Leaving Space for God
Today we had an absolutly AMAZING talk at church! Check out lifecentre.org for the download. It was the begining of my favourite season of the whole year- Christmas!
As is his usual style Pastor Jay looked beyond what would be a good and regular sermon about Christmas, and delved deeper. We started by looking at Joseph and the choice that he had to make regarding what his response to Mary's news would be.
What I took from today's talk is making space for God.
If you weren't there, essentially Joseph had, quite nobley, decided that he was going to divorce Mary quietly to protect her as much as he could. Following the decision God spoke to him and the rest- as they say- is history!
I have often experienced frustration and confusion when seeking the Lord for His guidance in life's circumstances. The teaching we hear most of the time is "wait on God for the answers" so it becomes this process of expecting God to speak in OUR timing. There have been situations where a deadline has been looming, I feel as though I haven't heard from God and so I have to pull the trigger and make the decision and "hope for the best". It never has felt like a good or a GOD way to live. The people in the Bible didn't lock themselves in a room waiting for the step by step of how He wanted them to change the world. They simply walked in humility and with ears open to the redirection of God.
I have always believed that God has equipped us with brains and creativity for a reason, and that when we use our giftings in PARTNERSHIP with God's direction that we will ALWAYS find the path to His will.
So I have often had to take a step without "feeling" God's presence but always with the conviction of His directing love and purpose- and MOST importantly, with those open ears to discern if something is not where God wants me to go. I used to think that I was getting lucky with some of my choices and for all the rest that it was up to God to "redeem" them for His good purpose..... you know that scripture"ALL things work together for the good of those who love the Lord". I always kind of figured that God was getting quite the workout with me running all over the place making decisions that He was going to have to figure out how to "work out for good", but I see with some perspective that distance- and age- bring that God was there all along.
This idea of leaving space for God in between the decision and the action..... it really jives with what I believe about the Character of God and His desire to see us grow and mature, but to always allow His input.
It is nice to know that the further along I am in my walk, the more I realize I am on the right track!
As is his usual style Pastor Jay looked beyond what would be a good and regular sermon about Christmas, and delved deeper. We started by looking at Joseph and the choice that he had to make regarding what his response to Mary's news would be.
What I took from today's talk is making space for God.
If you weren't there, essentially Joseph had, quite nobley, decided that he was going to divorce Mary quietly to protect her as much as he could. Following the decision God spoke to him and the rest- as they say- is history!
I have often experienced frustration and confusion when seeking the Lord for His guidance in life's circumstances. The teaching we hear most of the time is "wait on God for the answers" so it becomes this process of expecting God to speak in OUR timing. There have been situations where a deadline has been looming, I feel as though I haven't heard from God and so I have to pull the trigger and make the decision and "hope for the best". It never has felt like a good or a GOD way to live. The people in the Bible didn't lock themselves in a room waiting for the step by step of how He wanted them to change the world. They simply walked in humility and with ears open to the redirection of God.
I have always believed that God has equipped us with brains and creativity for a reason, and that when we use our giftings in PARTNERSHIP with God's direction that we will ALWAYS find the path to His will.
So I have often had to take a step without "feeling" God's presence but always with the conviction of His directing love and purpose- and MOST importantly, with those open ears to discern if something is not where God wants me to go. I used to think that I was getting lucky with some of my choices and for all the rest that it was up to God to "redeem" them for His good purpose..... you know that scripture"ALL things work together for the good of those who love the Lord". I always kind of figured that God was getting quite the workout with me running all over the place making decisions that He was going to have to figure out how to "work out for good", but I see with some perspective that distance- and age- bring that God was there all along.
This idea of leaving space for God in between the decision and the action..... it really jives with what I believe about the Character of God and His desire to see us grow and mature, but to always allow His input.
It is nice to know that the further along I am in my walk, the more I realize I am on the right track!
Friday, November 24, 2006
Christmas Time is here
I am one of those obnoxious people who is just waiting for Christmas- counting down the days.
My shopping is almost all done, and my cards are stamped and waiting for a reasonable date to send them out. It is not that I am overly organized, I am just excited about Christmas. I love the music, the family, the gifts (giving more than getting!) and mostly I enjoy the anticipation.
Christmas is not always happy for those around us. So many people have no place to be; by choice or by circumstance. For a time in my life every Christmas was stressful and bittersweet. Mainly it marked the passing of another year as a single person. The only gift my heart desired couldn't be wrapped in paper or tied with ribbon. I allowed what I didn't have to rob me of the experiece I did have, sitting right there in front of me.
It wasn't until I took my eyes off my own situation and looked around that I realized there were those whose lives I could touch quite easily in the Christmas season. Like we recently learned it is the "Upside Down" way of God. If you give you will recieve.
This year I am taking it to a higher level. I have decided to host my family, in their many and varied configurations-seriously I think Middle East peace talks have fewer logistical issues- and just simply give back in all the ways that I have been blessed in the past.
By opening up my home to my family, I get an opportunity to give, and I am finding that this is the first year that my Christmas list of gifts to buy far exceeds my own requests!
This year Christmas is a time for reflection about how full and amazing this year was, and how different my life is compared to this time last year. Who would have believed it???
As you set out on your Christmas shopping this year, wrapping gifts, and cleaning for the endless parade of people who will enjoy and appreciate, just think of how blessed you are to have the ability to do all of those things!
Wednesday, November 22, 2006
Good News
As a follow up to my previous post: When the Reaction is not the Response, I recieved my test results and all is well!!
God is good, our healthcare system is frustrating, I am relieved!
God is good, our healthcare system is frustrating, I am relieved!
Tuesday, November 21, 2006
Full House, Happy House
Last night I had the amazing privilege of being someone's "soft place to fall". A good friend was having difficulty with a couple of situations and chose to entrust me with her questions and concerns. After chatting for a long while, she did something that blessed me more than I can say..... she asked if I minded if she crashed on my couch!!
It has always been my heart to have a home where people feel safe, loved, and completely at ease. That she even asked was indication that I have been successful in that area. We got her all settled on the couch, and arranged the morning bathroom logistics with the roommates. This morning though, there was a different feel to the house. As I got up and got ready, the house felt full of people, not full like tripping all over each other, but just warm full, like you feel after a great dinner with fantastic people. It felt like all was well with the world!! I imagine that is what moms feel when their adult kids are back for a visit.
I am so grateful that inspite of my singleness, that God allows me to flex my maternal muscles and feel the fulfillment that comes from investing in others. It has reminded me that so often we limit God in how we think that He will accomplish what He wants to accomplish in our lives.
There is a deep desire at the core of my being to be a wife and mother, that has never changed. I spent a long time feeling like I was being shortchanged by God. I felt like He was being cruel for making me this way, with the desire for kids and a husband, yet without the husband, no kids, no legacy, no fulfillment, no using my core giftings. In my mind, this meant that I was condemned to an unfulfilled life. I am sure that I am not the only one who has ever felt this way. Felt like their dreams and life's passion hinges on an event or position or situation that they have no input into changing.
But think of that... we ARE talking about God here. He is not cruel, not capricious, nor is He a puppeteer who seeks to mess with our heads and hearts. A good friend asked me a hard but good question, he asked me if perhaps my desire for kids and a husband was actually a desire to invest in and love people. He suggested that perhaps this picture that I had created in my mind about what the fulfillment of my dreams would look like was just my finite mind trying to find a way to paint a picture. He dared to suggest that if I never got married or had kids that I COULD still fulfill the deepest longings of my heart to see my life have impact.
My soul struggled to admit that what he was saying was true as my mind tried desperately to find a loophole in this suggestion that would still guarantee me a wedding!!! It took a moment to quiet the shouting voice in my head that was hanging onto my good dream to realize that perhaps he was right, that God has a Best dream for me.
From that time to today, I have sought to intentionally fulfill the calling of God on my life... to invest and make a difference in people's lives. It is amazing that the more loveI give and the more I invest in others, the more I have to give- AND I get to see my dreams fulfilled in the process.
Does this mean I will never get married? I HOPE NOT!!! I HOPE THAT it comes soon, but I no longer am left to wait with my dreams on hold.
THIS is the abundant life Jesus talks about when He says " I have come to give you Life, and Life more abundantly..... "
If there are dreams in your life that feel conditional on external forces that you have no control of, I encourage you.... take a step back and find the deeper calling, maybe you will be surprised that the answer to your prayers is closer than you thought.
It has always been my heart to have a home where people feel safe, loved, and completely at ease. That she even asked was indication that I have been successful in that area. We got her all settled on the couch, and arranged the morning bathroom logistics with the roommates. This morning though, there was a different feel to the house. As I got up and got ready, the house felt full of people, not full like tripping all over each other, but just warm full, like you feel after a great dinner with fantastic people. It felt like all was well with the world!! I imagine that is what moms feel when their adult kids are back for a visit.
I am so grateful that inspite of my singleness, that God allows me to flex my maternal muscles and feel the fulfillment that comes from investing in others. It has reminded me that so often we limit God in how we think that He will accomplish what He wants to accomplish in our lives.
There is a deep desire at the core of my being to be a wife and mother, that has never changed. I spent a long time feeling like I was being shortchanged by God. I felt like He was being cruel for making me this way, with the desire for kids and a husband, yet without the husband, no kids, no legacy, no fulfillment, no using my core giftings. In my mind, this meant that I was condemned to an unfulfilled life. I am sure that I am not the only one who has ever felt this way. Felt like their dreams and life's passion hinges on an event or position or situation that they have no input into changing.
But think of that... we ARE talking about God here. He is not cruel, not capricious, nor is He a puppeteer who seeks to mess with our heads and hearts. A good friend asked me a hard but good question, he asked me if perhaps my desire for kids and a husband was actually a desire to invest in and love people. He suggested that perhaps this picture that I had created in my mind about what the fulfillment of my dreams would look like was just my finite mind trying to find a way to paint a picture. He dared to suggest that if I never got married or had kids that I COULD still fulfill the deepest longings of my heart to see my life have impact.
My soul struggled to admit that what he was saying was true as my mind tried desperately to find a loophole in this suggestion that would still guarantee me a wedding!!! It took a moment to quiet the shouting voice in my head that was hanging onto my good dream to realize that perhaps he was right, that God has a Best dream for me.
From that time to today, I have sought to intentionally fulfill the calling of God on my life... to invest and make a difference in people's lives. It is amazing that the more loveI give and the more I invest in others, the more I have to give- AND I get to see my dreams fulfilled in the process.
Does this mean I will never get married? I HOPE NOT!!! I HOPE THAT it comes soon, but I no longer am left to wait with my dreams on hold.
THIS is the abundant life Jesus talks about when He says " I have come to give you Life, and Life more abundantly..... "
If there are dreams in your life that feel conditional on external forces that you have no control of, I encourage you.... take a step back and find the deeper calling, maybe you will be surprised that the answer to your prayers is closer than you thought.
Thursday, November 16, 2006
When the reaction is not the response!
They say that anger is a secondary emotion. No one really is angry because they are angry. People get angry as a bi-product of another emotion.
Have you ever gotten angry at someone who cut you off? Been mad at your spouse for making you worried because they were late and didn't call? Lashed out at a friend because they embarrassed you?
Over the last few weeks, I have been sick with bronchitis and laryngitis. I have spent many hours waiting in doctor's offices because I am the unfortunate client of a poorly run medical clinic... don't even get me started.
Today required another trip to the same clinic for the results of a bloodtest. My doctor told me if all was well, there would be no phone call. Sure enough there was a phone call. Immediately I ran through all of the possibilities of what that could mean. As is often the case, what is unknown is far scarier than the reality. I began to think of some of the worst-case scenarios I have known: the friend who went to the doctor thinking he had the flu and ended up fighting for his life following chemotherapy, or my grandmother who after an extended period was still having problems with nosebleeds, passed away 7 months later from Cancer.
Since my "clinic" doesn't book appointments- you REALLY don't want to get me started - I spent 1 hour waiting for the possibility of a 5 minute conversation with a doctor to tell me what the problem was, but I had to leave because I had go to work.
Once again frustrated and without answers I got MAD. When I got back to my car I slammed the door and vented my frustration. The level of my anger higher than the situation merited, however, as I drove "assertively" back to work, I wondered why my response was so strong. It didn't make any sense.
I took a deep breath and realized that if I was really honest with myself, that I would admit to being scared more than anything else.
It was another lesson for me as God expands my understanding of who I am in Him.
Sorry to leave you hanging, but I still haven't recieved the results!
Have you ever gotten angry at someone who cut you off? Been mad at your spouse for making you worried because they were late and didn't call? Lashed out at a friend because they embarrassed you?
Over the last few weeks, I have been sick with bronchitis and laryngitis. I have spent many hours waiting in doctor's offices because I am the unfortunate client of a poorly run medical clinic... don't even get me started.
Today required another trip to the same clinic for the results of a bloodtest. My doctor told me if all was well, there would be no phone call. Sure enough there was a phone call. Immediately I ran through all of the possibilities of what that could mean. As is often the case, what is unknown is far scarier than the reality. I began to think of some of the worst-case scenarios I have known: the friend who went to the doctor thinking he had the flu and ended up fighting for his life following chemotherapy, or my grandmother who after an extended period was still having problems with nosebleeds, passed away 7 months later from Cancer.
Since my "clinic" doesn't book appointments- you REALLY don't want to get me started - I spent 1 hour waiting for the possibility of a 5 minute conversation with a doctor to tell me what the problem was, but I had to leave because I had go to work.
Once again frustrated and without answers I got MAD. When I got back to my car I slammed the door and vented my frustration. The level of my anger higher than the situation merited, however, as I drove "assertively" back to work, I wondered why my response was so strong. It didn't make any sense.
I took a deep breath and realized that if I was really honest with myself, that I would admit to being scared more than anything else.
It was another lesson for me as God expands my understanding of who I am in Him.
Sorry to leave you hanging, but I still haven't recieved the results!
Monday, November 13, 2006
I need your Help
I want to get the word out about a project I am working on.
I support of our troops, I wanted to make a difference. I have created a way for us all to say Thank you to the troops.
Send an email to tenthousandthanks@yahoo.ca , you see the vision and the passion and the purpose. PLEASE tell everyone you know, and take a moment to write a Thank You note. This will only come to fruition of everyone makes a small contribution.
I support of our troops, I wanted to make a difference. I have created a way for us all to say Thank you to the troops.
Send an email to tenthousandthanks@yahoo.ca , you see the vision and the passion and the purpose. PLEASE tell everyone you know, and take a moment to write a Thank You note. This will only come to fruition of everyone makes a small contribution.
Sunday, November 12, 2006
In Rememberence
This is typical of images we see all over the news at this time of year. Rememberance day is one of those days that makes me look back, but then I suppose that is the point!
I am always fascinated by the faces of those who have been at war. Because of the age of many veterans, I try and figure out what they have seen in thier lives. When they were born it was likely the great depression, not everyone had a phone or even electricity. Newfoundland wasn't part of the country yet, the flag was different. None of the major events that have shaped our world had occurred yet. These men and women remember a time before Air Travel, before TV, before you went to the store to buy your milk. They recall a day when almost everyone went to church, as kids they would have sung God save the King and prayed the Lord's Prayer. Children were safe to play in the streets while mothers gathered for tea on someone's porch.
I think of all of the advances around them and I often wonder if we are better off. Better off with our iPods, and our Space Travel. Better off with the opportunity to have 'friends' arond the world while we ignore the people in our own homes.
We have so much because brave men an women throughout our history.
Last week, I was waiting in Line for lunch, and in front of me were two men in Uniform. They were a part of our forces. As I stood there, everything within me wanted to just tap them on the shoulder and say "Thank You". I felt a little silly, and I also had to swallow hard to keep the tears at bay. I wish I could tell you that I did it, but I didn't and they walked away not knowing how I felt.
This is my THANK YOU card to all of those who have and are serving. We DO thank you, appreciate you, and we know that everyday you make sacrifices. Even when you are not overseas or in danger, you carry the weight of the defense of our nation on your shoulders. Whatever we might say about our agreement or disagreement with the politics of where you fight, know that we support YOU the people.
Thank YOU!!!
Thursday, November 09, 2006
Indulge me
Somethings you might be surprised to know about me:
1) I have changed the oil in my car
2) I can make cherries jubilee
3) I love action flicks
4) I can back up a tractor and trailor- even if I've only done it with a lawn tractor
5) I always wanted to be a fighter pilot
6) My grandfather is one of my heroes
7) I speak very rudimentary Japanese
8) I jumped out of a plane
9) I am shy when I meet people for the first time
10) I have pitched a tent and made a fire by myself in the rain- and danced a "man make fire dance"
11) A piece of my heart beats for Africa- I have always wanted to go there
12) I used to be a competitive swimmer and I was a lifeguard
13) I once sang a solo in a school play
14) I have a diploma in Hotel and restaurant management
15) Hearing sirens always makes tear up
16) Sitting by the water is the only time I ever feel completely myself
1) I have changed the oil in my car
2) I can make cherries jubilee
3) I love action flicks
4) I can back up a tractor and trailor- even if I've only done it with a lawn tractor
5) I always wanted to be a fighter pilot
6) My grandfather is one of my heroes
7) I speak very rudimentary Japanese
8) I jumped out of a plane
9) I am shy when I meet people for the first time
10) I have pitched a tent and made a fire by myself in the rain- and danced a "man make fire dance"
11) A piece of my heart beats for Africa- I have always wanted to go there
12) I used to be a competitive swimmer and I was a lifeguard
13) I once sang a solo in a school play
14) I have a diploma in Hotel and restaurant management
15) Hearing sirens always makes tear up
16) Sitting by the water is the only time I ever feel completely myself
Tears and Fears
I began to ponder today what my life would be like if I didn't allow myself to be limited by my fears and what I feel like other people would think of me.
I was watching Survivor and thinking that I would do pretty well in the bush. I have no issues with living a simple life, camping and not worrying about all the details that city life distracts us with. I am strong and resourceful and I am not really "afraid" of anything. Then that little voice inside of me started to talk to me about all my insecurities. My evil twin who lives in my mind- you have one too, I know you do- started to break down my "reality" . It began to list my limitations in that area: I don't like seafood, I am too out of shape for the challenges, I am not good with strategy and frankly no one wants to see me in a bathing suit!!
It is frustrating to know that the fears and the insecurities that I have are robbing me of the very life that I want. There are events that I decline to go to because of stupid reasons. And it is happening more and more.
I had a conversation with a VERY close friend. One who knows almost everything about me. We were talking about boys, and one in particular. She was talking about the things he liked to do and how he was looking for an outdoorsy woman who "can wake board and use an outhouse", and was speaking as if that explained why she didn't think of me for him. In her mind I didn't fit those criteria!!!
It shocked me to think that my very closest friend doesn't think of me in that way, when in fact, my fondest memories as a child are being at camp where there were outhouses, and canoeing and trees and "outdoors"!!! And more than that, I have camped by myself in a tent with just a fire for warmth and cooking!!! It made me wonder..... have I accurately presented the real me to the people around me???
This is not about camping or Survivor or even about boys (I know-shocking!) nor is it about my friend. This is about dropping all the facades and getting "messy" with who I am! It seems that despite my best efforts to be 'real' I have marketed a pretty slick package to present to the world, and now I have to reap the results of being pigeonholed. I want to scream, I am more than the plus size almost 6' woman with the heels and the purses!
This is a complex idea, and even as I write I realize that there are about 14 different ways that this could go. Do I write about my fears, do I devle into the reasons why I have the insecurities that I have, do I write a manifesto on who I really am, do I encourage you to look beyond what you know about those around you and learn something surprising?? Or perhaps I can take a cue from Lori (see favourite blogs) and do a series!
For now I will leave you with one thought. It comes from Oprah's show today where High School kids were Challenged to share with one another and esentially "see" each other for the first time. One question that was asked resonanted with me, I think it is at the core of who we are as children of God who just want to be known.
Here it is: "If you really knew me, you would know that....." and it was in sharing what goes into the blanks that drew people together.
This is my answer. If you really knew me, you would know that I have always felt like I don't belong. Not because of anything that I lack, but because of the diversity of my interests and the scope of my personality, and anytime they try to categorize me, it never seems to fit.
I was watching Survivor and thinking that I would do pretty well in the bush. I have no issues with living a simple life, camping and not worrying about all the details that city life distracts us with. I am strong and resourceful and I am not really "afraid" of anything. Then that little voice inside of me started to talk to me about all my insecurities. My evil twin who lives in my mind- you have one too, I know you do- started to break down my "reality" . It began to list my limitations in that area: I don't like seafood, I am too out of shape for the challenges, I am not good with strategy and frankly no one wants to see me in a bathing suit!!
It is frustrating to know that the fears and the insecurities that I have are robbing me of the very life that I want. There are events that I decline to go to because of stupid reasons. And it is happening more and more.
I had a conversation with a VERY close friend. One who knows almost everything about me. We were talking about boys, and one in particular. She was talking about the things he liked to do and how he was looking for an outdoorsy woman who "can wake board and use an outhouse", and was speaking as if that explained why she didn't think of me for him. In her mind I didn't fit those criteria!!!
It shocked me to think that my very closest friend doesn't think of me in that way, when in fact, my fondest memories as a child are being at camp where there were outhouses, and canoeing and trees and "outdoors"!!! And more than that, I have camped by myself in a tent with just a fire for warmth and cooking!!! It made me wonder..... have I accurately presented the real me to the people around me???
This is not about camping or Survivor or even about boys (I know-shocking!) nor is it about my friend. This is about dropping all the facades and getting "messy" with who I am! It seems that despite my best efforts to be 'real' I have marketed a pretty slick package to present to the world, and now I have to reap the results of being pigeonholed. I want to scream, I am more than the plus size almost 6' woman with the heels and the purses!
This is a complex idea, and even as I write I realize that there are about 14 different ways that this could go. Do I write about my fears, do I devle into the reasons why I have the insecurities that I have, do I write a manifesto on who I really am, do I encourage you to look beyond what you know about those around you and learn something surprising?? Or perhaps I can take a cue from Lori (see favourite blogs) and do a series!
For now I will leave you with one thought. It comes from Oprah's show today where High School kids were Challenged to share with one another and esentially "see" each other for the first time. One question that was asked resonanted with me, I think it is at the core of who we are as children of God who just want to be known.
Here it is: "If you really knew me, you would know that....." and it was in sharing what goes into the blanks that drew people together.
This is my answer. If you really knew me, you would know that I have always felt like I don't belong. Not because of anything that I lack, but because of the diversity of my interests and the scope of my personality, and anytime they try to categorize me, it never seems to fit.
Sunday, November 05, 2006
Irreplaceable
I recently read a book called "Captivating" (John & Staci Eldridge). It is an amazing book about the heart of a woman. Pick it up- you won't be sorry!
Anyway, in the book they talk about the things that women need in their lives. One thing we need in our lives is to be "an irreplaceable part of a grand adventure". Doesn't that just get your heart beating?? I love the idea of an adventure, and then to the an IRREPLACEABLE part of that adventure...... wow! For me, that is the key... the irreplaceable part.
When you are single there are many adventures. Every new guy you meet could be "the One", friends are finding their ways and by proxy we experience these adventures with them by being in their weddings, attending showers, gettting pictures of thier kids in the mail. Amazing fun stuff like that. My life has been so full of adventures. I have Great friends, family that I love and just enough drama to keep my friends entertained at parties!
Even with all that though, something is always missing. I always have to say goodbye at the end of the night. I leave friend's homes full of joy but empty-handed, after each event, I get into my cold car and drive home. I never get to take those adventures home with me. These are not my adventures, I am just walking alongside- or am I??
If you have been reading this since the beginning you will know that I had a really bad few months rom May-Oct. You can go back and read some of the first entries to really get an idea. But to summarize, I was a little mad at God. I felt as though I had nothing solid in my life to rejoice in. I had no grand adventure, no men, no big events to look forward to, and to top it off, I didn't like going to work everyday. I felt justified in being mad at God because I felt as though I had done everything that He had asked me to, there was nothing in the way of His plan for my life. There were no obvious obstacles. I was completely free to follow whatever course He wanted my life to take- I was waiting for the beginning of MY grand adventure - but there was silence.
So I felt like He had left me in the desert to whither away. I often thought to myself, if this is going to be the way my life is going to be day-in, day-out I don't want it. I don't want to live until I am 90 if this is how it is going to be.
Gradually though, God has been wooing me, taking care of me, and I am seeing the results everyday. Now I have different lenses to see the world through!
As I thought more and more about Adventures, I realized that my whole assumption might be wrong. So often we thing of God's will for our lives -or the Grand Adventure- as being one path that spans a lifetime. Those of us who didn't pop out of the womb knowing that we wanted to be Doctors or Lawyers or Garbagemen often question when. When will MY grand adventure begin. Especially single women, we wait for that man to enter our lives so that the adventure can begin.
I have realize though, that adventures are not long-term. Anyone who has ever watched Dora the Explorer know you can have a really cool adventure in 30 minutes and still have room for commericals! Adventures vary in lenght. I have begun to realize that even with goal setting and long-term plans that there are still seasons and stages and so doesn't it make sense that our lives would be made up of many Adventures?? Long, medium and short term??
As I thought of that, I took a moment to let the paradym shift in my mind and then tackled the question from a different angle. Instead of asking "when does my adventure start?" I made the assumption that my presence in people's lives had the same irreplaceable part as they had in my life.
I realized that adventure is all around me and that I hold an irreplaceable part in many adventures.. I am the ONLY daughter my parents will ever have- irreplaceable. I am the best Auntie Laura Mac & Sam will ever know. There are other Aunts and Uncles and Grandparents but I am the only Auntie Laura. I met Mac within an hour of her birth- irreplaceable.
I am the first person my new roommate met when she came to Ottawa-irreplaceable.
And of course.... I am God's creation and design He made me Irreplaceable.
Anyway, in the book they talk about the things that women need in their lives. One thing we need in our lives is to be "an irreplaceable part of a grand adventure". Doesn't that just get your heart beating?? I love the idea of an adventure, and then to the an IRREPLACEABLE part of that adventure...... wow! For me, that is the key... the irreplaceable part.
When you are single there are many adventures. Every new guy you meet could be "the One", friends are finding their ways and by proxy we experience these adventures with them by being in their weddings, attending showers, gettting pictures of thier kids in the mail. Amazing fun stuff like that. My life has been so full of adventures. I have Great friends, family that I love and just enough drama to keep my friends entertained at parties!
Even with all that though, something is always missing. I always have to say goodbye at the end of the night. I leave friend's homes full of joy but empty-handed, after each event, I get into my cold car and drive home. I never get to take those adventures home with me. These are not my adventures, I am just walking alongside- or am I??
If you have been reading this since the beginning you will know that I had a really bad few months rom May-Oct. You can go back and read some of the first entries to really get an idea. But to summarize, I was a little mad at God. I felt as though I had nothing solid in my life to rejoice in. I had no grand adventure, no men, no big events to look forward to, and to top it off, I didn't like going to work everyday. I felt justified in being mad at God because I felt as though I had done everything that He had asked me to, there was nothing in the way of His plan for my life. There were no obvious obstacles. I was completely free to follow whatever course He wanted my life to take- I was waiting for the beginning of MY grand adventure - but there was silence.
So I felt like He had left me in the desert to whither away. I often thought to myself, if this is going to be the way my life is going to be day-in, day-out I don't want it. I don't want to live until I am 90 if this is how it is going to be.
Gradually though, God has been wooing me, taking care of me, and I am seeing the results everyday. Now I have different lenses to see the world through!
As I thought more and more about Adventures, I realized that my whole assumption might be wrong. So often we thing of God's will for our lives -or the Grand Adventure- as being one path that spans a lifetime. Those of us who didn't pop out of the womb knowing that we wanted to be Doctors or Lawyers or Garbagemen often question when. When will MY grand adventure begin. Especially single women, we wait for that man to enter our lives so that the adventure can begin.
I have realize though, that adventures are not long-term. Anyone who has ever watched Dora the Explorer know you can have a really cool adventure in 30 minutes and still have room for commericals! Adventures vary in lenght. I have begun to realize that even with goal setting and long-term plans that there are still seasons and stages and so doesn't it make sense that our lives would be made up of many Adventures?? Long, medium and short term??
As I thought of that, I took a moment to let the paradym shift in my mind and then tackled the question from a different angle. Instead of asking "when does my adventure start?" I made the assumption that my presence in people's lives had the same irreplaceable part as they had in my life.
I realized that adventure is all around me and that I hold an irreplaceable part in many adventures.. I am the ONLY daughter my parents will ever have- irreplaceable. I am the best Auntie Laura Mac & Sam will ever know. There are other Aunts and Uncles and Grandparents but I am the only Auntie Laura. I met Mac within an hour of her birth- irreplaceable.
I am the first person my new roommate met when she came to Ottawa-irreplaceable.
And of course.... I am God's creation and design He made me Irreplaceable.
Saturday, November 04, 2006
More reasons to like being single
1) Late nights with the girls
2) Last minute plans
3) Using the china- just because
4) Being able to spoil the kids in your life
5) Being able to "give back" those same kids
6) Crushes
7) Shopping without guilt
8) All the messages on the machine ARE for me!
9) Getting a glimpse of how people think of you when they set you up with someone
10) A completely CLEAN and Tidy house!!
2) Last minute plans
3) Using the china- just because
4) Being able to spoil the kids in your life
5) Being able to "give back" those same kids
6) Crushes
7) Shopping without guilt
8) All the messages on the machine ARE for me!
9) Getting a glimpse of how people think of you when they set you up with someone
10) A completely CLEAN and Tidy house!!
Beauty and the Ladies
Life is happy! I totally just got blessed with amazing free stuff. I hosted a candle party and got so much from it! It is another example of the mulitplication of God!!!
Where else, but in God's kingdom, do we get to spend "girl time" together, looking at beauty that has nothing to do with appearance, enjoy each other's company, eat good food, and then walk away with MORE than when we arrived?
MORE: friendships
MORE: information
MORE: appreciation for God
MORE: refreshed
This is the fuel of my life. People, beautiful things, happy home, and shopping for FREE stuff.
I always thought of the song "Oh, for a thousand tongues to sing" as meaning that I would need a thousand tongues to sing for a thousand years and still not be able to itemize the goodness and majesty of God. Again we are back at repayment for favours and "services".
But with all that God has done in and FOR me this past few weeks, I realize that the goodness and the greatness of God is so vast and I am soooooo grateful for all that He is doing, that even if there were a thousand tongues for a thousand years, it wouldn't BEGIN to itemize what he has done much less RESPOND and begin to shed light on how it makes me love Him more!!
There are so many instances of His caring and concern for the condition of my heart and for the provision of my life, that it would literally take hours and hours and hours to explain it all!
After so long feeling as though the heavens were brass, I am overwhelmed by the almost constant embrace of God in His provision for me. It has truly been a situation where He has even to provide the love that I then give back to Him- "because He FIRST loved me"!
Many of the situations have to do with money and big potential expenses-car repairs, appliances not working, furnaces that needed coaxing to come alive after the summer. As well as finding the right roommate to being ill and not knowing if my time off would be paid or not!
It has been since Thanksgiving, that all of this has taken place, and to go back and read where I was even the day before Thanksgiving, so much is different, but NOTHING has changed. I haven't started fasting, I haven't been praying 20 hours a day. I have changed NOTHING except my attitude of gratitude.
Through it all there has been an abiding peace. I have felt the needs and the stress, but I have not felt the weight of being ALONE in the struggle. It is only looking back that I can even identify what I felt, and that is CARED FOR.
I have felt for the first time maybe ever, that God will always CARE for me. There is a difference between being loved and being cared for. It is that sense of priority. It is what I recall as a kid feeling when I knew that when the rubber hit the road, it wasn't MY problem to solve.
As they say "the penny dropped" and all of those scriptures about God being our ALL; seeking first the kingdom and ALL these things will be added; suddenly I am beginning to understand what that could mean to my life.
And 1000 tongues, singing for 1000 years couldn't BEGIN to describe MY GOD!!
Where else, but in God's kingdom, do we get to spend "girl time" together, looking at beauty that has nothing to do with appearance, enjoy each other's company, eat good food, and then walk away with MORE than when we arrived?
MORE: friendships
MORE: information
MORE: appreciation for God
MORE: refreshed
This is the fuel of my life. People, beautiful things, happy home, and shopping for FREE stuff.
I always thought of the song "Oh, for a thousand tongues to sing" as meaning that I would need a thousand tongues to sing for a thousand years and still not be able to itemize the goodness and majesty of God. Again we are back at repayment for favours and "services".
But with all that God has done in and FOR me this past few weeks, I realize that the goodness and the greatness of God is so vast and I am soooooo grateful for all that He is doing, that even if there were a thousand tongues for a thousand years, it wouldn't BEGIN to itemize what he has done much less RESPOND and begin to shed light on how it makes me love Him more!!
There are so many instances of His caring and concern for the condition of my heart and for the provision of my life, that it would literally take hours and hours and hours to explain it all!
After so long feeling as though the heavens were brass, I am overwhelmed by the almost constant embrace of God in His provision for me. It has truly been a situation where He has even to provide the love that I then give back to Him- "because He FIRST loved me"!
Many of the situations have to do with money and big potential expenses-car repairs, appliances not working, furnaces that needed coaxing to come alive after the summer. As well as finding the right roommate to being ill and not knowing if my time off would be paid or not!
It has been since Thanksgiving, that all of this has taken place, and to go back and read where I was even the day before Thanksgiving, so much is different, but NOTHING has changed. I haven't started fasting, I haven't been praying 20 hours a day. I have changed NOTHING except my attitude of gratitude.
Through it all there has been an abiding peace. I have felt the needs and the stress, but I have not felt the weight of being ALONE in the struggle. It is only looking back that I can even identify what I felt, and that is CARED FOR.
I have felt for the first time maybe ever, that God will always CARE for me. There is a difference between being loved and being cared for. It is that sense of priority. It is what I recall as a kid feeling when I knew that when the rubber hit the road, it wasn't MY problem to solve.
As they say "the penny dropped" and all of those scriptures about God being our ALL; seeking first the kingdom and ALL these things will be added; suddenly I am beginning to understand what that could mean to my life.
And 1000 tongues, singing for 1000 years couldn't BEGIN to describe MY GOD!!
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