Re-Entry

I suppose we have all watched lots of space movies where the astronauts have to reenter the earth's atmosphere. Having watched those movies, we know that the most dangerous time for a space flight is the re-entry. I am not an astronaut nor have I ever spoken to one, however I think that I can safely make some assumptions about what might be going on their heads at the most important times. I would imagine that just before descent, there is a feeling of excitement for the upcoming reunions with family and friends, nervousness at the realities of the dangers, a tiny desire to just stay where you are despite the distance but a determination to pull it all together and do what your job says you are supposed to do, but mostly I would imagine there is a strong feeling that this is all out of my control and all I can do is hang on!
How can I imagine these things?? Because in my return from overseas, I have felt all of these feelings.
After a long time away from home like that, most people assume that you are totally ecstatic to be home. That you cannot possibly want to go anywhere for a long time, and just to sit in the kitchen of family is all you want to do. While all that is very true... it is not the whole story.
I have found in the midst of re-entry that I have been surprised. I have been surprised by the sheer number of people who are so excited to see me. I have been amazed at how much things have changed while at the same time, stayed exactly the same.
Logistically, my return has been easy. Same house, same friends, same church that looks the same, and I am so grateful for that. It has been seamless to slip back into my life as it was before. But like so many things, the challenges come in the little things.
With all the big stuff taken care of, I expected that life would simply pick up where it left off.... and then it didn't. There was a moment just after I got home that I realized that there would be differences, and they might just catch me off guard. I would have to watch out for those things.
A really funny and strange example of that was the first time I went out with friends. We were going to a club for some one's birthday, and I opened my jewellery box to choose some earrings and stopped. I realized I had NO idea what the current styles were. Although it seems insignificant, it was the first of many things that I had to navigate through. My friend who had also just returned was going to the same event and as I picked her up, we BOTH realized we didn't know whether our earrings were still in style! As we made our way to the event, I was nervous about it.
Once we got to the event, I totally forgot about the issue and even realized later that I forgot to check those around me. But the stress of that moment was an indicator of bigger things to come. I suddenly realized that I would, in a hundred different ways have to choose to overcome the fear that travels alongside uncertainty. If I let those moments, they could overwhelm me and cause me to shrink back into myself. I am choosing to not let those moments dictate my actions, however, like what those astronauts in my movies do, I will continue to monitor the indicators and watch for early warning signs, all the while stay fixed on my destination. Hang on, it might be a bit bumpy.......

Trusting God More!

I am back! I have returned from 6 months in the Middle East! It was an amazing experience and there is so much that needs to be written about!
In the midst of a return to civilization and this world (it really is like living on another planet!) , there have been some unexpected challenges. The organization that I worked for provides for some of the costs associated with "re-entry". I stored my car, and so it needed work to get it back on the road. Except mine was more than 5 times the amount that was allocated. I can only assume that they looked at the 'usual' costs and found out the average costs of getting a car road worthy again. That was, to say the least, upsetting, then within 2 DAYS, I have had another circumstance with the car that will be another large chunk of money!
As I drove away from the garage after hearing yet another $800 quote for something that NEEDS to be repaired so that I can renew my license (So it's not even optional!), I was in tears, and very angry. I began to cry out to God. "Why is this happening?" "You are supposed to protect my finances" and "I am just trying to be a good steward with what You provided and this stuff is outside my control to balance!" It was just a moment of pure frustration.
As I spent time with a friend and was telling her the story, she is a newer Christian and I was trying to "spin" it so that God would be given the glory, even though I didn't feel that way, I felt like I could mentor her a bit in the thought process. As I did, though, the things I was saying about what the Truth is began to work on my heart.
I realized that this circumstance is not a surprise to God. He knew it was going to happen. He knows the future, my job situation, and my bank balance, He holds it all in His hands and He has the responsibility to provide.
While I was away, there were no money challenges, I got paid VERY well, and where I was living everything was taken care of. No need to trust God for the moment by moment realities of expensive finances. Having that as a non-stressor, I want to live like that again. I want to walk through everyday knowing that Someone has a plan for provision. So I have to trust God more!