Call to Prayer

Every once in a while God chooses to tie up loose ends. About this time last year, I began to experience something very strange. I started waking up almost every night at 3:30 am. For no reason that was clear. I wasn't thirsty, in need of the restroom, or too hot or too cold- I just would wake up, be awake for about 5 minutes, and then back to sleep. After about 3 weeks of this, I mentioned it to a friend who asked "what are you supposed to be praying for?" as if it was the most obvious thing in world. I am ashamed to say that I had not even thought of that!!

I began to follow this advice. During these special times, I developed a deeper heart for the Muslim community. I pray regularly for those in authority, for the warriors on both sides, and especially for the people of Afghanistan who are caught in the middle of a very difficult situation.

Recently, I was in a seminar about Islam. What an interesting eye-opening seminar. The most interesting thing that I learned though, was that the Muslim's day begins with prayer...... at 3:30am!!!

Suddenly I knew, I understood why God had started to wake me up at that time, and why this time of prayer evolved into prayer for Muslims! How great is our God!!

Taking a Break!

I am off for 2 weeks of training for a new job I hope to get. There will be limited time/Internet Access, so I might not be able to post. The nature of the training would seem to me to be rife with blogging opportuniies... so stay tuned!

Every time.... I will hold your hand

There are things in our lives as Christians that take on the dubious status of "thorn in the flesh". If you recall Paul suffered with an affliction that he knew was from the Lord so that he would be limited just enough that he had no choice but to rely on God.

I have a situation that is self-inflicted, but afflicting none the less. It is an ongoing issue, I know that you have something like that too! How do I know?? Because you are a red-blooded human with a pulse! It is that one thing that I feel like should be dealt with. I want equally to eradicate it from my life and hold onto it for the small payoff that it brings. More than that, I want to WANT to have it gone, but can't seem to be able to.

It is important to say that, at it's core, is not an issue of sin. It could more accurately be said that it is an issue of trust in God. In my mind it occupies too much time and energy and I feel like I talk about it too much as well. Everytime it comes up in conversation, I feel like the people sitting with me chatting MUST be rolling their eyes inside and thinking "aren't we done with this YET?" During a dinner with a friend who could be considered one of the best friends anyone on earth has or ever has had (no exaggeration!) we hashed out some stuff surrounding this issue and I was trying to close the subject because I was ashamed to still be dealing with it after all this time.

Last Thanksgiving, this friend said that she hoped (for the sake of my stress level) not to have to be talking about it at Christmas. But that if we were, there was a comfy chair and a hot beverage with my name on it. So that was Christmas, we are now PAST Easter, and it is still occupying my life!

In her wisdom and grace this week, she reminded me that God knows the solution to this and that perhaps I wasn't communicating with God-the one who knows the answers. Then she said something that penetrated to my deepest heart. It was one of those "kindest things ever" statements. She said something to the effect of: I want this to be resolved in your life to avoid the stress and heartache, but if you need to talk about it everyday I will hold your hand through it.... EVERYTIME.

It was one of those moments that I knew that I knew, I have a friend who truly sticks closer than a brother. In this world of instant answers and 12-step programs, my friend met a need in my life to just BE THERE despite giving me advice that potentially could resolve this forever. She is willing to patiently stand by holding my hand through the hurt until such time as God ordains that surgery is needed to take this thorn out of my side. Then, I know she will pick me up, brush me off and celebrate the victory without so much as a single "I told you so!"

What a friend!!

One More Opportunity

This week is the end of the waiting! I have been waiting for a new opportunity for about a year. There is a chance to do something life-changing and it is imminent. I have been invited to the 2 week training to prepare for it, and then after that I will know for sure if I got the job. I am excited BEYOND all reason. This has been all that is on my radar for about a year.

The type of opportunity this is carries with it some danger, and it is the type of thing that one doesn't go into lightly, I am fully surrendered to the thought that if it is not of God- I DON'T want to go. But everything within knows that if God is there with me, all will be OK.

As the time is drawing closer and my excitement level increases, as does a nagging feeling in the back of my head. I keep recalling all the amazing jobs that I wanted, but didn't get, all the heartache of men who didn't return my affection. While it is easy in the saner moments to KNOW that God had His hand in each of those situations, my human heart is nervous that God will deny me this chance as well.

Its that old lie of "if you want it too much, God will take it away".

I am having to fight the lies of the enemy that would say, God will never come through for you, or that would tell me that I cannot accomplish or do what is needed in this time.

There seems to be a level of holiness attached to circumstances that you are dragged into; Moses protested because of His stutter, Saul had to be physically stopped on the roadside. The idea of doing something for God that you don't want to do carries a legitimacy which ambition seems to negate. I recall though, in Nehemiah, God blessed him with a burden to rebuild the walls, and he went to his employer and asked for a leave of absence and it was granted.

We hear story after story of people dragged kicking and screaming into the service of God in an area that they never wanted to go, but what about the happy helpers? What about those who have battled internally? Who have fought their insecurities and what others expect of them in order to take a step of faith far beyond their comfort zone and come to a place of passionate willingness?

God knows the end from the beginning. HE will be my sustainer, I am a willing participant in the plans of God for my life. Now to deal with this pride.......