Confessions of a Confused Heart

I’m guilty! Slap on the handcuffs, convict me and send me away! I am guilty. What am I guilty of? Misrepresenting scripture…that’s right, take a moment, wrap your head around it. I realize that ignorance is not a defensible position; however, I can say that my misrepresentation was not malicious. In my eagerness to have the Lord answer my prayer, I latched onto what I thought amounted to a smoking gun.


For more years than I care to recall I have used the scripture “God will give you the desires of your heart” in my agonizing with God. I used it to become angry and bitter against God. I thought that I was justified in my frustration and anger. After all, as we are taught, not only does God give us the desires of our hearts, but He also places within us those desires that He wants to fulfill. Except time and time again, as the desires of my heart went unfulfilled, it seemed sometimes like God’s aim was a little off. All the people around me would get exactly what I had been begging for.

I would imagine that a lot of people have been there. Maybe you have even used this scripture to support your railings against God for not fulfilling a ‘desire of your heart’.

I am embarrassed to admit that, until just now, I had never really done any study of the scripture that so easily rolled off my tongue and held me hostage. A quick scan through shows me that Psalm 37 really lays out the expectation of someone who ‘qualifies’ for desire fulfillment. That is really the only way to explain it. It would seem that there are conditions to this promise.

The actual verse is “Delight yourself in the LORD, and He will give you the desires of your heart”. The next question that we need to ask is: what does it truly mean to “delight yourself in the Lord”?

I absolutely don’t measure up to the expectation that the Lord has set out. Why would He live up to my selfish and manipulative whining? Just the fact that I am even worried about my future shows me that I DO NOT trust Him. Don’t get me wrong, I trust Him for a lot of things. I trust that He always has a reason for whatever He allows to come across my path, however, I can’t always see that while I am in the midst of it. I trust in His love for me. I trust mostly in His forgiveness, goodness knows I make use of it enough.

How would my life be changed if I truly truly truly trusted Him?

If I truly trusted God, I wouldn’t worry about tomorrow, I would take His word literally, I would step out in faith more often. I would believe what scripture says about the future that He has for me. I would know beyond a shadow of a doubt that any job that I apply for and don’t get has a purpose in it. I might even make the most of every moment. I would not have to hold a grudge, or worry about a stolen item.

"Delight yourself in the Lord" is more like an invitation than a command. The New Testament says “seek first the kingdom of God”. There is almost a sense of work about that, as if it were a hard thing to do. Here in Psalms it sounds a lot more like an invitation to enjoy-as if that required a commandment! Delight!

What in your life is delightful? Delicate sandwiches, a little girl in a dress-up costume, an older couple holding hands, puppies sleeping curled up together. Delightful things bring a warm glow to your heart. They make the world seem less scary. You Tube is full of delightful videos… you can tell they are delightful because of the huge number of people who have viewed them! The whole world is attracted to the delightful.

We don’t just stumble upon delightful things though. Think of your busy days, full of movement and agendas, and getting things accomplished, you probably barely have time to finish your morning coffee before you are off (that’s why you stop at Starbucks on the way to work). Take a moment and try to remember the last delightful moment you experienced.

More to come on this.....