A Stained White Flag of Surrender

As long as there has been civilization, there has been war. Every war ever fought has had conqueror and conquered. Within the context of war there is this idea of surrender. I suppose that surrender has always been an option to every warrior, but until recently, surrender meant certain death or enslavement. Surrender was a decision not made lightly, and so few took that option preferring to die with honour than live in defeat.

Today, though, I think that surrender has lost some of its weightiness. In recent history and wars, those who surrender are legally required to be given shelter, and food and medicine. In the case of the conflict in the middle east, the worst that could come out of surrendering is to be locked in jail where you are fed and clothed and perhaps some friends will kidnap innocent civilians and try to negotiate your release... I digress, this is not a post about the intricasies of the policies of war, but rather a study of surrender.

As Christians, we often talk about surrendering our lives to Christ. Surrendering our dreams, and our hopes and turning them into the safe-keeping of God. There is this idea that if we surrender them 'properly', God, in His wisdom and love for us will return that which we have surrendered. It would never be taught from the pulpit but we often think that if we want something too much, God will take it away. I used to joke with my friends that I would pray "Lord, PLEASE don't send me a great husband who is handsome and kind. PLEASE don't allow him to be successful and good. And by the way God, I REALLY would not like to be sent on a missions trip to Barbados! PLEASE God, don't ask this hardship of me!" I would pray that because some where I picked up the idea that I would know something was "The Will of God" if it was something that I didn't want to do!

This is a strange idea that doesn't fit what I believe about the character of God. But you know what? This thought still permeates my thinking. I find myself sincerely surrendering situations in my life, but then looking around to see if God is bringing them back to me.

In some ways, this type of surrender is like playing a game with God. Using reverse psychology to 'trick' God into allowing us to do what we want to do. As if we have any way to trick God!

If I still hope to prevail, have I truly surrendered?


The American Heritage Dictionary defines Surrender :

To relinquish possession or control of to another because of demand or compulsion.
To give up in favor of another.
To give up or give back (something that has been granted): surrender a contractual right.
To give up or abandon: surrender all hope.
To give over or resign (oneself) to something, as to an emotion: surrendered himself to grief.
Law To restore (an estate, for example), especially to give up (a lease) before expiration of the term.

There is nothing in any of these definitions that leaves room to hope for-much less expect- a return of that which is surrendered. There is no waiting period, or good deeds that can sway the outcome.

I feel like I have surrendered my life a thousand times, only to find myself back on the battlefield hoping to change the outcome to what I think it should be. I wave the white flag of surrender before the throne of God, only to question and wonder and rail against His plans and purposes for my life, when they take a different shape or occupy a different timeline that I would like.

What if I began to see my life as enslaved to God's will? What is it going to take before I truly DIE to myself and realize that no matter what, I don't want to go back to that battlefield. This white flag I keep waiving is getting stained from overuse..... next time I waive it, will anyone recognize it for what it is?