I Quit

i'm tired...

There is no other way to say it. I have been just tired. Not physically tired, although that has been true as well, but rather, soul-empty weary. There has been so much that has occurred this summer and for the last season of my life, I feel like I have run a marathon everyday. Some days have been easy, and some days have been just plain sucked!

Through it all, God has been there prompting me, supporting me, loving me, stretching me.

The problem is that as much as I thought I was relying on God, it would seem that I wasn't. Tonight I was reminded that God is supposed to be carrying all the load, except when I insist on carrying it myself. Tonight I was in worship and all I wanted to do was lean against the wall and feel its strength and stability.

As I leaned against the wall, I realized that what I have been feeling is that I needed to be strong enough for all the people around me. I needed them to see that in the middle of this extreme walk of faith I have been on, that all was well with me. Except that I have had major questions, and major uncertainties, I was trying to carry it all on my own.

I was reminded tonight that:
He is my Rock,
He is my Fortress, my strength, my deliverer and my salvation.

In the times when I feel like I NEED someone, His love is more extraordinary, more full, more fulfilling.

I had a fuller understanding that even if the best man loved me to the best of any man's ability, it wouldn't be enough to protect me from hurt, it wouldn't be enough. It wouldn't be enough.

Only God is enough.

Until I get that truth embedded in my soul, there is nothing but heartache in store for me.

I am tired, and so I am just going to stop working so hard doing God's job... I officially quit!