When's the Wedding?

Today we travel back in time. I came across something I wrote a couple of years ago. It is interesting that while the circumstance is not recent, the experience is the same! Enjoy!

I recently attended the happy occasion of a Bridal shower for a friend. I will admit that at this stage in my life another wedding shower would not have been my Saturday Night of choice. I say that for a number of reasons. Not the least of which that it was not a wedding shower in MY honour! (As a side note, I am keeping a list of all the people I buy wedding/ shower gifts for and I am going to invite them to my wedding! At this rate, I will be able to furnish my home, the cottage and buy the BMW that I have always wanted!) It is not that I am not happy for the bride; in fact, I love to see people find the one that they are meant to spend the rest of their lives with. Mostly, I don’t enjoy bridal showers for 2 reasons. I am not a big fan of big parties and the second is because I can guarantee that without exception, as I am reaching over the vegetable dip to get to the brownies, a wonderful God-fearing, kind, loving woman will turn to me and ask “so Laura, when do we all get to throw a party like this for you?” Now, depending on the weather, phase of the moon – and time of the month- I have differing answers ranging from: a tightlipped fake smile that hide the tears brimming in my eyes to something witty about when God finished keeping me all to himself! Occasionally, on a bad day I might say something like “Oh I guess when I have taken care of all the sin in my life!” Over the years, I have forced myself to extend grace to all of those women, I know that they love me and they know that getting married is a deep desire of my heart; it doesn’t make the comments hurt less.

Even while I am defending my single hood and trying to get people to look past it to who I am. The arguments that I make ring a little hollow because I would give my right arm to be married. I realize that since I am right handed that would be a problem, however, if I give up my LEFT hand, where would I put the diamond??

As a single person, some of my loneliest moments are not what you would think. Friday night alone with a movie has sadly become one of the routines that I look forward to. I am no longer lonely in those moments. The loneliest moments always catch me off guard. Just today, I had a situation with my car. It wouldn’t start. This was not a problem-I have been there before. I called CAA and had them tow my car to the dealership. Through this all, I was fine until I was standing there, needing to make a decision about 2 courses of action. Neither way would have been the “ideal” and I realized standing right there that I didn’t know what to do. Worse than that, I needed someone who I trusted to help me.

I did what most single girls do when there is a car question, I called my dad-but there was no answer. I hung up feeling more alone than I have felt in a long time. I scrolled through my cell phone’s list of numbers blinking back tears and trying not to look like “a girl”. I finally got in touch with one of my “guys” and we figured out what needed to be done. I was reminded of one of the reasons I so much want to get married. You realize that no matter how content in life, we always need people.

A note about “my guys”: I am privileged to have around me a few great Men who I call on occasionally. The most important one is, of course my father, car problems, house repair, moving van driving I call on him. In medical emergencies, car accidents, heavy lifting or car shopping no one is better than my big brother. Then I have the best friend’s husband who is good for a bear hug, guy advice, flirtation interpretation, or a living example of what it means to be a man of God. And of course, there is the “safe date”: This is the great guy that you often think “If only…” but you know that a relationship would never work. I highly recommend one with a decent job and who looks good dressed up and in a ball cap. This is the kind of guy that you can meet for coffee dressed in track pants and a ball cap, or who will spring for a GREAT evening for your birthday!

It seems that I am most lonely when I am out of my comfort zone and I need advice, assistance, or help from a trusted source. When it would be helpful to have someone there who knows the history of the situation and with whose decision-making skills I am already familiar and comfortable. Sometimes, I just want to be the one who gets to be taken care of, who gets to do the leaning. As one who stands almost 6 feet tall, and who has always carried myself with strength and confidence, I often find that people around me rely and lean on me-which I love, it makes me feel needed But many times there is no one for me to lean on. Through all of this, the easy church answer is that all that we need is in JESUS. My answer to that is Yes….BUT.

Many times, I have wondered about my faith. After all that God has brought me through, how can I still be in need of anything? So many times singles beat themselves up for even wanting to get married. I can’t count the number of times that I have been told or made to feel, that the reason that I am not married is because I still have not put my whole faith and hope in Jesus, and that I look for things and people outside of Him.

To be perfectly honest, I don’t have the answer to that one. I know that in the deepest parts of me, I want Jesus to be everything to me. I feel like my relationship can go deeper, and there are those whom God has sustained who don’t need anything else. I also know that God made me who I am. In His infinite wisdom and love, He fashioned me into who I am. He wired me to love children and to desire to share my life with another. These are all things that He has created. I also know that He has a plan and a purpose for my life and that every day in written in His book.

Nothing that I do is a surprise to God. Nothing that you do catches Him off guard. He knows that we all have bad days and good. My biggest prayer over the last 10+ years, is this: God if it is not in your plan for me to marry, PLEASE take the desire away so that I can devote my life to serving you.

I continue to wait for God’s perfect timing. I heard Terry Bone say: “God is never late, but he doesn’t take too many opportunities to be early!”