Authentic Influence

Recently I overheard co-workers discussing housework and guests. It was one of those strange conversations that can only happen with people that you spend 8+ hours a day with. They were talking about having guests and being a guest and how different people keep their homes. Not being a huge fan of housework, my ears perked up to hear unguarded responses.

You see I always was that person who before you arrived, had just spent 8 hours scrubbing, tidying, rearranging and making sure that every cupboard and room was spotless. For my whole life I had this idea that if people could see the "real" me that they would run screaming from the room. This was completely logical in that I didn't like me most of the time and if I could have I would have left too!

By "real" me I mean the not put together, bumbling, lost person that I frequently feel like. It was this “real” person who became like a skeleton in my closet I was desperate to keep hidden. I was certain that the bad things in my life outweighed the good.

And so began the construction. Walls went up around my heart to protect it from pain, mazes leading to my feelings meant that people gave up long before they reached the centre, and of course the all important smoke screen, distract and evade. Dress nicely, smile, and act as if everything is fine. It works. People stay far away. They know when they are not wanted.

But then there were circumstances in my life that couldn’t be avoided, and that stone wall, that façade began to crumble. There were days that I didn’t know what I was going to do. I felt like the Wizard of Oz desperately holding onto the fantasy “Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain”. I was certain that my life as I knew it was over. That when people found out that I wasn’t the pulled together, well adjusted person that they knew, that I would be alone. At least before, there were lots of people around me, even if they didn’t KNOW the real me.

As the dust settled and I stood feeling completely exposed to the world. My shame right there for all to see, my failures and my insecurities laid bare. To my amazement, as I opened my eyes, I realized that I had not been abandoned; in fact, people I didn’t even know were standing, arms wide open, waiting, and smiling. They were smiling because finally I realized what they all already knew. They all had seen through my blustering and posturing, they dodged my hurtful comments when they knew I was just protecting myself, and most of all they had prayed.

I began the slow process of authenticity, of finding opportunities to be real. Opportunities to share my thoughts, disappointments and weaknesses. Much to my surprise, instead of keeping people away, authenticity has drawn people toward me. In being real, people are real with me, and I love it. I am so honoured when people share their challenges, because I know how hard it is to be vulnerable. I love it when a friendship moves to the place of track pants on the couch-girls you know what I mean. For me, having someone in my home who is totally relaxed, feet up, and real, it is an honour!!

At the end of the conversation my co-workers were having, my friend Brock said something so profound, it struck me and I have thought of it often. He said that when he goes to someone’s home and it is messy-like how every home is during the day when we are living there! - he said that is when he knows that someone is truly a friend because they are not worried about what he thinks, they just are who they are!! How amazing is that

It stopped me in my tracks. I chewed on this idea for a long time.

Then I put it to the test. I would invite people over spontaneously, apologize ONCE for the house being a bit messy, and then just let it go. You know….. not one person has left upset, not one person has stopped being my friend, and in fact, my home is filled more often with people than ever before!!!! Amazing isn’t it. Could it be that no one really cares what my house looks like??? That they just keep coming around because they like me? And, gasp, that they feel comfortable in my home???

Maybe I’m onto something here! * grins *