Preparation Time Part 2

A few months passed and I wasn’t hearing much from God about where I should look for work, or what I was supposed to be doing not only with this time, but with the rest of my life.

I began to see patterns emerging. About every 2 months or so, I would be going along seemingly fine and then crisis would hit. I began to see that each crisis carried with it a major theme.

The first stage was about identity… who am I, I am more than the job title I have, I am a child of Christ, this was to continue to be a recurring theme. The next was about God’s willingness to provide for me. I never doubted His ability, but what about his willingness? After that, I spent a lot of time discovering what Godly femininity is, and some of the barriers in my life toward femininity, next came fitness- my least favourite subject at the time. I intentionally sat and experienced each stage, I chose to be looking for what God was trying to tell me and learn more about His character in the midst of it.

In each stage of this journey, I have had to ruthlessly confront lies that the enemy had sown into my life as the result of a very challenging childhood. For the first time in a long time, I had nothing to distract me. There were just raw, yucky feelings and the pain of confronting hurts that had defined me more than I would ever have thought. It essentially became a 6-month long therapy session…. A little talk-therapy, a lot of tears, a lot of literally just sitting pondering, and I am not gonna lie… a little retail therapy too!!!

In the middle of all this, I needed a career change. I thought, "If I do what I did, I will get what I had, and 5 years from now, I will be in the same situation". This sounds like a great idea, yet, for anyone who has ever tried, it is easier said than done.

In June I made a decision to walk through ANY door that opened-cautiously but wholly. I would step through it. I would explore that until my gut told me otherwise, or until the door closed. It seems like everyone has a suggestion, and I discovered that what people were seeing me doing were the same things that they had always seen me doing. In previous situations I had grasped what people told me they thought I should be doing and put a lot of effort into that career. Except a few months down the road, I hated it or was rotten at. So suddenly I have discovered that what people see in me, I am not good at! It truly caused me to question my identity and worth in moments like that. This time, I realized quickly that none of the suggestions fit with what was in my heart.

So there I was needed money to pay the bills, with no idea where to even begin to look for work, and when I did submit resumes to jobs similar to what I had successfully done in the past, I was turned down. It took a lot to remind myself that I had put this whole process in God’s hands, and I had turned over control to Him.

Stay tuned for Part 3