What if....

The quality of the teaching at our church is amazing. Every week it is like living with a gourmet chef, everything is high quality. There is not a Sunday that goes by where I don't get something out of the sermon, every once in a while, though, someone pulls out all the stops and you get a meal that is remembered and talked about for years to come.

There was a sermon that was preached by Dan Courteau a LONG time ago. The essence of it was "What if your biggest dreams occupy the same place as your biggest fear?"

I remember that sermon as one that changed my life. I had never thought of things that way before, and I always wondered why I couldn't bring myself to take that last step to fulfilling my dreams. Something always held me back.

Since that sermon, I have often thought of that idea, and come across it in a number of books. Although the wording is different, the idea is the same.

With that in mind, I set out today to finalize my application for an opportunity that I have been praying about and talking about for 6 months or so. I went over every word with my favourite "editor" and drafted the email, attached the required documents, and then I freaked out!!

When it came time to push the button, this strange fear gripped me. This was the end of the potential for this opportunity, I no longer would be able to talk about in the potential, someone would be passing judgement on my suitability for this, and I would have an answer.

I think in many ways the future's potential is safer, because it holds onto optimism and disappointment has no place. There is no heartache in opportunities untried, there can be regret but not heartache.

As I pressed the Send button, there was a moment when a litany of past disappointments and heartaches and seemingly unanswered prayers all paraded through my mind, tempting me to doubt myself- and God's blessings. How many times can I want something with all my heart only to be crushed?

There is this idea among Christians that if you want something too much, God might take it away from you. This doesn't follow with the character of God that I know... in all things, I will trust, I will hope and I will boast only in the Lord my God. I walk down the path I feel He is leading me, all the while, rolling my petitions into His capable hands, wanting nothing more than to do His work.

How many times can I hope for something amazing??? With God's help, at least once more!! So off it went, and as I waited for the heart palpitations to pass, I bowed my head and said "Not my will, but Yours"