How is this for 'messy'? I have discovered that god is NOT enough......
Before you jump away and pray for my salvation just hear me out. Notice that I didn't write "God is not enough"? There is a big difference.
What happens when you discover that the god of your understanding is not enough? That the god you think that you know and the god that you relied on, is not who you thought? You begin to doubt and question. Mostly though, you begin to FORGET. Like a far away friend or a long dead relative, the echos of Who God is begin to fade and they can become harder and harder to hear.
There is a song that goes "I have made You too small in my eyes, Oh Lord, forgive me". I have discovered that who I know god to be, and who GOD actually is, must be 2 different people. They MUST be different because I am having a problem trusting, waiting, and knowing. I am fighting the need to take matters into my own hands. "he" (this god of my understanding) is not the all consuming firey lover of my soul that scripture talks about. If I truly knew GOD then how could I ever doubt, question, or jump ahead of His pure, loving and awe-inspiring love and faithfulness?
Clearly, (because God is perfect, and I am not) the problem lies within me; within my limited ability to understand the Unknowable.
How did this happen? Last week, last month and last year, I would have told you that I KNEW HIM, today though, my perpective has changed The more I discover about God, and the more I grow in God, the more humbled I am in the presence of the ALMIGHTY, and the more I realize how limited my understanding is.
I have attempted to have complete faith in this god of my own construction. No wonder that in my brokenness, total faith feels like a risk. I have seen God through the eyes of my past, my pain, my unanswered prayers and my dreams that have not come to be, and in that "he" has become too small to be sufficient.
I think that there are situations in our lives, that blur our focus. We have blind spots when it comes to God. Areas of our lives where we find it difficult to truly see God in His fullness. In what area of your life do you unintentionally make God too small?
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3 comments:
I used to make God too small with respect to my finances. I really thought that I offended Him by needing and asking for money. I waited and waited and waited thinking maybe I just didn't deserve to have that particular prayer answered. Was that to be "my cross"? The real test for me was to do what God always did/does throughout history - do the opposite. I wasn't tithing at the time because I had no money. I believed (and tried to believe more each day) that what He said was true "test me in this ..." So I did. And I reminded Him every day that He was being tested. He passed of course. And I learned. I love you, Laura!
Oh yes Laura. My perception of God is so much less than He really is. I look forward to understanding and living more of Him. The amazing GOD CHRIST JESUS!
I make God too small in the minor everday decisions. I feel that since I've asked for so much in other areas I could handle the little things. I forget that He said to bring our ever care to Him.
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