This morning I had a unique opportunity to just sit and worship and pray. It was unique because I unexpectedly had no agenda. No where I needed to be, no one calling or pulling on my time. And so I sat, turned on some worship music and prayed.
There has been a major life changing event in my life. Without going into too much detail, suffice it to say that the next few months will require much faith and a lot of waiting on God. I am both excitd and nervous.
Over the past few months, I have been putting the truth of fasting to the 'test' if you will. I had never really fasted before, but I am seeing the benefits of fasting for myself. Now, when there is a major life event, or request, or time when I need an answer, fasting is my response, and with the fasting comes the praying. In this situation as well my first response was not to make a plan for my life, rather it was "OK God, what do you want me to fast this time?"
This is not to brag or boast, but rather to say this. As I was snuggled into my comfiest chair, pouring my heart out to God, reminding myself how good He is and what He has done in my life to 'prove' that to me. I felt the Lord say "I love this time". I realized I love this time too. I suppose that it is normal in times of Crisis to CLING to God because sometimes our life does truly depend on it. What I realized too, is that sometimes in the good times, I forget to cling to His side. Obviously with any relationship there is an ebb and flow, and you cannot be in High Alert mode every moment of everyday, but I want to be as close to God in the quiet moments as I am in the crisis.
A funny thought crossed my mind.... if I had a child who was not cuddly unless he was scared(never gave hugs, never needed the safe embrace only a mom can give) , but when scared would spend hours in my arms, drawing on all the love I had, and listening me whisper in his ear how much I love him and all the things I thought each day about him, I would probably have to fight the temptation to show him horror movies every night, or tell him stories about boogeymen in his closet. If the only time I got to be so close to him was when he was afraid, I might set up his world so that he was driven into my arms.
Is it possible, that in His amazing way, God allows things to cross our paths that "Force" us into His arms, not because He is mean or capricious, but because He knows that is the only time we CLING to him???
Not only is is possible, I am pretty sure that is what He did with Eve in the Garden. The curses that he laid out were not so much punishments as barriers to her self-sufficiency, they hemmed her in until the only way she could turn was to God-which really was the point anyway, right?
So here's the plan..... I want to build a lifestyle of "cuddles" with God so that He doesn't feel compelled to get my attention!
3 comments:
I love listening to and reading about what's on your heart!I was thinking about you this morning. You know, as a parent it's difficult sometimes to see that my 15 and 25 year old sons don't need those cuddles anymore. One has a girlfriend who listens to his heart, but there are times when only Mom will do. I cherish those times but I long for the good ole days sometimes. In our greatest times of need and weakness He uses us best because it's then when we are broken and completely surrendered. He understands we are like children learning to walk, we don't always want someone to hold our hand but the wonderful thing is that it is HIM we call out to when we are in need - not someone else. I love you soooo much!
Prayers your way Laura!!
Amazing Laura. I love those early morning alone times with God. You know if you go outside in the sun and let the warmth of the sun caress you, while hugging yourself - you are actually being hugged by God.
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