I have a confession to make..... I am addicted..
That's right. I have a little secret. I am hooked on the show "America's Got Talent".

It is interesting show overall, but tonight there was one act that really stood out.

There was a man who was very confident. They interviewed him before he went on stage. He told the world how great he was and made it very clear that he was a force to be reckoned with, but more importantly that he was THE talent. With him was a man who was to sing behind him to complement the rap he was performing-the backup singer was Byrain.

When they came on stage, Byrain stood off to the side and introduced himself. When asked who was with him, the rapper reluctantly introduced Byrain as "the guy who sings with me on my CD".

The judges hated the rapper's act, but each of them commented on Byrain's performance. As each judge spent more time talking to Byrain, the rapper clearly became more and more arrogant and annoyed about sharing the spotlight. The judges invited Byrain to return later and audition solo.

Later in the show, Byrain performed and did a great job. He was humble and grateful. The first judge said 'Yes", and his eyes watered up, the second judge said "Yes" and he dropped his head in disbelief, by the time the 3rd judge said "yes" Byrain's eyes were full, and his face was tipped toward heaven and "thanks" was on his lips.

What struck me the most was the fact that he was happy to support another in thier dream. He was not there for himself, but in that humility and giving his all to see another have a once in a lifetime opportunity, he managed to find himself in exactly the right place to answer the knock of "opportunity".

This is the cool thing about God. He is a God of abundance. Some hesitate to invest in others because they feel like there is only so much 'destiny' floating around and to give something away limits thier opportunity, when in fact it is exactly the opposite. The more that we give, the more that there is to give. It goes back to our ability to love God because He first loved us.

Don't live in scarcity, don't feel like if you give something away there is less for you. Remember that like the widow with the oil, the multiplication only comes when you pour out that which God has given you!

Turning up the Heat

When there is change in our lives, there is always a bi-product, when God turns up the heat, there will be junk that will rise to the surface. In crisis, we always react in a manner that speaks to the truth of who we are on the inside. There is nothing like a little heat to bring out the true nature of the people around us-and more importantly, ourselves.

Have you ever found yourself responding to a situation and been surprised by your response? Perhaps you go back to an old coping mechanism. Addicts talk alot about this, people who are emotional eaters can be 'in victory' for years and then BAM, a crisis hits and they are finding all the Ice Cream in the city. We talked yesterday about the recurring challenges in our lives, and how we can seem to go through something similar over and over again.

I am in the process of watching a DVD series called "Dream to Destiny" by Robert Norris. In it he talks about the refining process. When they are refining metal-lets say gold- they heat it, the junk rises to the top, they scrape it off, and they they raise the heat. This process gradually makes the gold more and more pure.

The Bible talks about the "refining Fire" and how God wants to purify us with His fire. Here are 2 different versions of Proverbs 17:3:
3 As silver in a crucible and gold in a pan, so our lives are assayed by God. The Message
3The refining pot is for silver and the furnace for gold, but the Lord tries the hearts. Amplified Bible

So often in crisis or as we are going through the refining process, all we can see is the junk that rises to the surface. We get caught up in the fact that we have been 'around this mountain' so many times, and 'how come I haven't figured this out yet?'. We all have done it. I think that it would be tough not to focus on the junk. We are all people who want to be following after Christ, and doing good things for God. The problem is, sometimes we not only get side-tracked by the junk that surfaces, we give into it, or worse we stuff it back down.

Think of the dieter that we talked about earlier. A crisis has just hit, she is scarfing down a litre of ice cream right out of the carton. She stops and realizes what she is doing. There are, in that moment, 3 common reactions. 1) she sees the behaviour for what it is, pushes away the ice cream, and chooses a better response. 2) she questions why she is in that response again, bemoans her faith and wonders what she has been learning for the past years and continues eating as she tries to figure it out. 3) She decides that she isn't that great a Christian afterall, that she will never conquer this issue, and moves on from ice cream to Pizza.

It doesn't matter the struggle we face or how long since we have been walking in victory, there will always be things that will rise to the top. You can replace the eating of ice cream with smoking, drinking, excessive cleaning, shopping... really any struggle that you have in your life.

Here is the biggest key..... that stuff that rises to the top?? The junk that you are so horrified still exists in your life? God is waiting for it to surface, and when it does, He gets a great big smile on His face because it means that the junk is exposed to His GRACE. If we don't stuff it back down, if we wait, He comes along, just like in the refinery, and scrapes off the junk, and we are better for it.

Don't be afraid of the junk that surfaces, it is all part of the process. God knows exactly what He is doing, and exactly what is hiding in the deepest corners of each heart.. espcially mine.

Listen and Learn

One of the biggest lessons that I have learned through all the adventures and changes in my life is how important it is to step out of the moment, and take stock. It makes no sense to blindly muscle your way through a situation. I was watching Dateline NBC last night about a rescue mission in Afghanistan that went very wrong. As they talked to the man who had to take over leadership of a situation as it spun out of control, one of the things he kept saying over and over was: “we stopped and assessed the situation”. They would find a new solution that used the assets at their disposal, tried that tactic, and often were forced back. Over and over and over they stopped and took stock of the situation and finally found a creative solution that mitigated the loss of more lives.

There are patterns and situations in our lives which seem to repeat again and again. There are battles that seem to focus on our weaknesses, and it feels like we are doomed to repeat the lesson over again until we catch it. I agree with that. We hear people talk about ‘going around the mountain’. The nice thing with God is that He is fully invested in our lives, and is “conspiring to bring you to the place of your destiny” (From: In a Pit with a Lion on a Snowy Day by Mark Batterson). I agree that there are things that we have to master in order to see the fullness of what God has for us.

As well, though, I think that sometime God allows things in our lives for our growth and to learn these lessons. It seems that often there is a recurring theme. If I look back at my own walk, there is one underlying theme to all of the major crises in my life. It would be easy to look at that one thing and call it your Achilles heel, but I think that often the enemy will target our greatest strength and use it against us to cripple us into not achieving the fullness of God.

In my life, there is a recurring theme of finances in general and specifically God’s provision. I have a lot of knowledge in the area of finances, and an innate talent for financial things. Some if the biggest battles in my mind are about finances. It is frustrating because I see the enemy’s plans, he wants me to question God’s willingness in the area of finances, and convince me that if I waste any money (and I often do) that it disqualifies me somehow from the big dreams that I have. He taunts me with scriptures like “he who is faithful with the little can be trusted with much more” as I stand at Starbucks waiting for my $4.00 latte.

Is it wrong to buy a latte? Nope, is God going to hold that against me forever? Nope. I see that because this is a place that I have visited before. God ALWAYS comes through, and God ALWAYS provides, and there are mercies that are new every morning.

My life’s theme is finances, yours might be something else: education, purity, exercise, diet, gambling…. Whatever the principle still remains.

What I have learned is to keep my eyes open in the areas of your life that touch the biggest dreams of your heart. You will know what I mean because every time you dream that big dream, there is a thought about how YOU are disqualified because of something in your life. But each time you face this testing ground, God wants you to learn something. When you learn something, take stock and apply it next time. You will begin to see that each testing phase will have more success.

I have been unemployed before. I have felt bored, and useless before. In the past though, it has taken me a lot longer to become bored and feel like I needed to accomplish something. I have realized that I need to feel like I have finished something every day, and that when my brain is disengaged, I get really cranky. And so I celebrate this growth.

Take stock of your ‘little miracles’ tell them to people around you. I like to brag on what the Lord is teaching me, because it helps to remind myself that even though the circumstances feel the same, they are not the same because I am not the same.

He who started the Work will be faithful to complete it… I am going to listen and learn!

I'm in good company!

This part of the adventure hasn’t been easy, mainly it has been a struggle of the mind. When you think about it though, most major battles are lost or won on the battlefield of the mind. There was a point last week when that feeling of total uselessness overcame me and I went into a bit of a funk. Mostly out of boredom, I realized that I hadn’t accomplished anything that week. I mainly just sat around looking at my messy house and trying to work up the energy to clean because I knew that would make me feel better about myself, but as the days went on I felt worse and worse. At one point I was reading past posts that I had written- posts about chasing Lions and jumping off Cliffs. I could see the faith that I had in that moment. Faith to trust God for what was inevitable, but somehow, in the face of what the enemy was trying to get me to buy into, my faith was wavering. As I re-read those posts, it was almost like someone else had written them, because it was so far off what I was feeling in the moment.

I suppose that it is human nature to struggle with faith. All through the Bible there are examples of people of great faith conquering the enemies of Israel and then immediately encountering crises of faith. Elijah defeated the prophets of Baal in 1 Kings 18, but the next thing we see of him is when he is despairing for his life because Jezebel has put a bounty on his head.

The Isrealites were a classic case of achieving great things and then second-guessing God when things got rough. Remember Peter, he walked with Jesus and still had a crisis of faith. Thomas doubted, and the epistles are full of accounts of humanity struggling with faith. It wouldn’t surprise me to find out that (in between jumping into the pit after the lion, and emerging from the pit victorious), Benaiah (1 Chron. 11:22) had a few twinges of “Oh my, what have I gotten myself into?”

I have full faith in God’s ability and His track record, but it doesn’t change the fact that I am looking at a dwindling bank account and forthcoming mortgage payments!

Stay tuned...

Floundering....

So here I am, in the water, just having been kicked out of the safety of “My Boat” . When I say My Boat, I mean all those things that I have built my security on: abilities, resources, friends, and history or success. God was calling me out of the boat to walk on the water, and the security of my boat made that first step very difficult! God sunk my boat. He took away the source of my financial security-my job.

In those initial moments after the boat sank, I knew that I knew that I knew that God had allowed this in my life, so it was His job to make it OK, my job was just to listen. If you recall, I went White Water Rafting a few weeks ago. It seems like it was a metaphor for what I am going through now.

Before I jumped in the water, we got all the instruction we needed to be safe including the biggest piece of information…. If you get into any trouble, look to the shore, the guides will be there yelling instructions to you, or to throw a rope if you need it. As I got caught up in the waves and things were getting scary, not only did the waves feel about 100 feet taller than they had from the shore, but there didn’t seem to be an end in sight. I had to consciously remind myself that I had seen the end, there were just 2 more waves, and remind myself to breathe. When fear threatened to overtake me, I felt like I was going to drown, and be lost to the river. I lost all perspective and could have allowed myself to give up, but then a voice yelled at me, and I was reminded of all I had been taught and did what it took to get out of a dangerous situation safely- all I needed to do was to follow the instructions I was given.

I feel the same way with God in this situation. I am in way over my head, but there is One who is able and strong enough and has enough experience to get me safely to ‘shore’. My only job is to listen. Listen to the voice of God calling to me, listen and obey!

Taking a deep breath

The time has come. The Lord has called me out of where I was into something new. He has been speaking to me for a few months about changes that need to be made in my life. A new career path was looming. It was very fun to think about all the opportunities and dream from the safety of a regular paycheque and dental benefits. Like so many of the things that God calls us to there was a seeming recklessness about dreaming of leaving behind the confines of a green cubicle and stepping out into the unknown. I wanted to… I really really really did! BUT

As a single person with a Mortgage and a car, the actual stepping out in faith was proving to be more difficult. How could I reasonably justify leaving a job with dental and RRSP matching to go out into the unknown? It was too big for my faith, or so I thought. Everything within me wanted to risk it and take God at His word that whatever He was calling me to would succeed and that He would not put me to Shame. Really, the thoughts that were holding me back were: What if I fall on my face and lose my house? And: What if I fail at this? What if bridges get burned despite my best effort and I cannot go back?

It is always fear that holds us back.

Two scriptures seemed to torment me day and night. The first was the Story of Abram, before he becomes Abraham. The lands were overcrowded because of the size of the flocks that were living there, and so God called Abram (Gen 12:1) to pick up his tents and move. I recall that God didn’t tell them where they were going to end up, just that God was going to show them the land. This came with the promise “I will make you a great nation”. The other was the story of Peter walking on water. Everything within me WANTED to step out of boat. I want to be able to brag on the faithfulness of God. I want to be one of those Christians who inspire others with a “well if she can, so can I” and see others step out of the boat to win the victory.

It was a classic case of being willing to be willing to take God at His word… always with a contingency plan though!

I suppose that the Lord got tired of hearing me complain about where I was, and justifying the reasons that I couldn’t move from that place so guess what? I was safe in the boat, so the boat sunk around me. I am no longer employed! There is nothing to be said for that except the circumstances are so strange that it is clear that God took me out of that place I was too chicken to leave on my own. The storm was seeking to overwhelm me, and now, I have no choice but to believe God when He says that He will provide. I am out of options. I am just glad that I packed my lifejacket-the Word of God!

Exciting times….

Reflections on Father's Day

Today was very full... lots happened, but most of all, Father's day!


Top 10 reasons I love my dad:

1) He loves the Lord
2) He loves to laugh
3) He loves his wife
4) He is very very smart and knows almost everything -or so it seems
5) His loyalty to the people he loves- even when it hurts
6) His tender desire to be in relationships that are healthy
7) His acceptance of others exactly where they are
8) His generosity of time, talents, spirit and love
9) He is teachable and curious about life
10) My dad works hard.... everything that he does he does with excellence.
11) His sense of honour- my dad put a lot of his own dreams on hold to ensure that we as a family had all that we needed and much of what we wanted..... and asked so very little in return.

Thanks dad for all that you model to me and those around me. Thanks for pouring into my friends and being open to give away so much of the life experience you have gained through hard work.

I love you Dad!

Today was a very full and amazing day.

Here are some of the cool things that happened today:
1) New outfit.... felt like a million bucks!
2) Watched a favourite couple of mine step into senior pastor role after serving faithfully as Associate Pastor for many years. (Jay & Lori)
3) Loved watching our beloved Senior Pastor (Barry) as he was presented with a new Mustang in thanks of 26 years of service
4) Such a feeling of amazing pride in our leaders at The Life Centre for modelling a different way!
5) Great lunch with good friends & getting to know them better!
6) Found the PERFECT Father's day gift at the first store I visited
7) Spent some quality time with my dad-at the lake
8) Grilled almost perfect steaks (a first for me!)
9) Drifting in the boat in the middle of the lake watching the sun go down wrapped an a blanket, debating whether the twinkling lights that were appearing were Satellites, planes or stars
10) A late night snack of Butterscotch Ripple with my dad!!

Behind Every Good Man

Ruth Graham, the wife of Billy Graham died today. It is a remarkable woman who can stand behind a man like that. To her credit, we don't know that much about her through the media.

Although she met many extraordinary people-including presidents- this is what her family had to say....

Ruth Graham was considered her husband's closest confidant during his spectacular global career ...
"She would help my father prepare his messages, listening with an attentive ear, and if she saw something that wasn't right or heard something that she felt wasn't as strong as it could be, she was a voice to strengthen this or eliminate that," said her son, Franklin, who is now the head of the Billy Graham Evangelistic Association.

"Every person needs that kind of input in their life and she was that to my father."

What a badge of honour that is!

What I want....

Every once in a while, I come across an tip or thought about marriage or parenting that I think is "I want to do that when the time comes" This is one of those things.

How cool is it, that Mark Batterson and his wife have themes for their summer Vacations..... I want to remember that one! So I post it here for Posterity

Getting it together

This morning I had a unique opportunity to just sit and worship and pray. It was unique because I unexpectedly had no agenda. No where I needed to be, no one calling or pulling on my time. And so I sat, turned on some worship music and prayed.

There has been a major life changing event in my life. Without going into too much detail, suffice it to say that the next few months will require much faith and a lot of waiting on God. I am both excitd and nervous.

Over the past few months, I have been putting the truth of fasting to the 'test' if you will. I had never really fasted before, but I am seeing the benefits of fasting for myself. Now, when there is a major life event, or request, or time when I need an answer, fasting is my response, and with the fasting comes the praying. In this situation as well my first response was not to make a plan for my life, rather it was "OK God, what do you want me to fast this time?"

This is not to brag or boast, but rather to say this. As I was snuggled into my comfiest chair, pouring my heart out to God, reminding myself how good He is and what He has done in my life to 'prove' that to me. I felt the Lord say "I love this time". I realized I love this time too. I suppose that it is normal in times of Crisis to CLING to God because sometimes our life does truly depend on it. What I realized too, is that sometimes in the good times, I forget to cling to His side. Obviously with any relationship there is an ebb and flow, and you cannot be in High Alert mode every moment of everyday, but I want to be as close to God in the quiet moments as I am in the crisis.

A funny thought crossed my mind.... if I had a child who was not cuddly unless he was scared(never gave hugs, never needed the safe embrace only a mom can give) , but when scared would spend hours in my arms, drawing on all the love I had, and listening me whisper in his ear how much I love him and all the things I thought each day about him, I would probably have to fight the temptation to show him horror movies every night, or tell him stories about boogeymen in his closet. If the only time I got to be so close to him was when he was afraid, I might set up his world so that he was driven into my arms.

Is it possible, that in His amazing way, God allows things to cross our paths that "Force" us into His arms, not because He is mean or capricious, but because He knows that is the only time we CLING to him???

Not only is is possible, I am pretty sure that is what He did with Eve in the Garden. The curses that he laid out were not so much punishments as barriers to her self-sufficiency, they hemmed her in until the only way she could turn was to God-which really was the point anyway, right?

So here's the plan..... I want to build a lifestyle of "cuddles" with God so that He doesn't feel compelled to get my attention!

Passionate Words

One of my favourite Bloggers, posted this: "Living in anticipation of our finest hour can make integritous men out of us. It can cause us endure... to serve with dignity... to hold our heads up high... and to live blamelessly before God and man. It can bring us to our knees every morning and into the Word every night. We can rest knowing that if we do our part to be faithful, our sovereign God will do his part too in bringing us to our finest hour."

Bittersweet

The last of the Hockey Posts... for now

Here are my thoughts on the post season
I am so sad that we lost, it is a bummer and I wanted to see 'my boys' go all the way and take the cup. They had a great season and overcame adversity, this would have made a nice finish to the season. That being said, in this series, they were totally outplayed, the Ducks wanted it more.

As the game ended in what was a foregone conclusion by mid 2nd period, I was sad and disappointed, but at the same time, I began to see what was unfolding on the screen. Two of the players on the Ducks are brothers (Niedermayer) and they kept showing a shot of thier mother in the stands cheering them on- very cool.

As each player hoisted the cup over their head, I was so struck by the years, the sweat, the dreams and the hopes that were wrapped up in that one moment. They were not grown men, getting paid millions of dollarsto play in fancy sports arenas to thousands of adoring fans.... what I saw tonight, was a group of little boys, in their back yard ponds and ice rinks or out on the driveway, celebrating every goal as if it was the stanley cup. Each of those players knew exactly what they would do when they hoisted the cup because they had each practised it 1000's of times in their minds.

To see the joy on their faces for the pure love of the game was amazing, and I think, a reminder of what it is about sports that captures our attention so much- especially hockey for Canadians.

On a side note, we can take pride in the fact that many of the players on the Ducks are Canadian Boys........so we won anyway!

I'm a believer

Game #4 today!

For those who have been living under a rock or who might have just returned from outerspace, the Sens are in the Stanley Cup finals for the first time in 80 years. It is a 'best of 7' series. The Sens trail the series 3-1. This is BAD NEWS in that they cannot lose another game or the Anaheim Mighty Ducks will win the Stanley Cup.

Apart from that meaning we didn't win, it would also mean that a team from California named after a DISNEY film would posses the title of the best Hockey Team in the NHL..... does that seem wrong to anyone else???

It has been a good season, and the post-season has been stellar. We are a city of cautious fans, at the beginning of the playoffs we comforted ourselves with the thought that no matter what, we made it further than the Leafs, then we had the momentum to breeze through the next 2 rounds. With another amazing series won 4 games to 1, we were a city of optimists! We had an unstoppable team, we could almost taste the victory!

Then we lost the first 2 games of Round 4, the tone started to change. Walking around the city in a Sens jersey brought out comments like "At least we made it farther than ever before".

Canadians have this great ability to see both sides of almost any situation..... 30 feet of snow?... well at least we get a day off school... Our candidate didn't get voted in? ..... well at least we know that it can't be any worse than it was before.... OR even ... what you believe is fine for you..but I disagree

I think sometimes this desire to see both sides is a great trait, it makes us peace-keepers, it allows the diversity that we see in our country and it has given us a voice of reason on the world stage. What is doesn't do though is cause us to COMMIT!!

For this series, we are allowed to wear Sen's Jerseys or t-shirts to work on game days. Game 1, the whole building was a sea of Red, everywhere you looked people were right into it. As the series has progressed and we are no longer winning, fewer and fewer people are willing to make a stand for the Sens.

Human nature means that we want to be associated with winners, I totally get that, but what happens when our team isn't winning anymore? It's almost like we don't want to commit for fear of being associated with the team, despite an amazing season. So we hedge our bets and try to keep our hearts safe.

But this is not what we are called to, especially as Christians! We are called to radical faith, faith that would have us commit to lost causes, lost souls, or even lost dreams. We love and serve this God who would leave 99 sheep behind to go and find the 1!! Against all odds, He believes in us.

Do I think that the Sens are going to win? I think that they have an uphill battle that will require more of them than anything they have faced before as a team. I think that they have the talent to do it. Is it realistic to hang my hopes on a win? Not really, the odds are stacked against them in a huge way. Am I going to stop being a fan? Will I feel like the let ME down?? NO WAY!!! They have played 100+ games this season, and they have earned the right to compete for the top prize. They have given this city something to unite us, their play has generated buzz, and lots of dollars for all the industries that are impacted.

All of this, they have done with grace and class.

For that we say... JOB WELL DONE!!! Go get 'em boys!

Ice Cream, Test Drives and the Waiting Game

Today at work I was approached by a young lady who is in the beginning stages of a relationship, she often asks my opinion about different things and I try to give her the best advice I have . Today, the question was "how long into this relationship should I wait until...."

I told her that she didn't even need me to answer that question, but that she already knew where I stood on the subject of sex, and what I had to say she didn't want to hear.

Her response was typical of non-christians everywhere: "That ship has sailed, there is no point waiting now" and then very predictably, she suggested to me that not 'test-driving the car', can result in a life of misery-which of course in her mind equals bad sex!

If I had a dollar for every time a conversation about waiting evolved into a metaphor including either test driving cars, or flavours of ice cream, I truly would be a very rich woman!

I assured this young lady that my future sex life was in the very capable hands of a loving God who knows exactly what is best for me.. my exact words were " I know the designer and the manufacturer, He is a very good friend, and I won’t buy a “car” that He doesn’t recommend. I am wayyy more confident in His ability and expertise than I am in my own!!" She responded with the "that is nice that you have strong faith... but" response that I have often heard.

For the record, the subject of pre-marital sex is a closed subject, it is a non-negotiable command of God.

Still.....

Do I wish that the standard wasn't so high? Yes

Do I wish that the wait wasn't so long? Absolutely!

Do I sometimes think that the whole 'test driving' argument holds some logic? Sometimes

When you take the issue of purity out of the context of your whole life of worship before God and merely look at it in general terms of biology and physical exertion, waiting makes ALMOST no sense. Why would it?

On the other hand, there are a lot of things that God asks us to do that don't make sense: Love your enemies; bless those who curse you; die to live; give Me 10% right off the top; all these are commands of God that people sometimes struggle with but still strive to achieve. Why would purity be any different?

As I pondered this question and tried to find persuasive words that would accurately capture my choice so that she would stop looking at me like a child who 'just doesn't get it', a thought occured to me......

I wonder if anyone regretted waiting.

I have heard the tearful stories of couples who didn't wait. The heartbreak of a young person who jumped into sex too quickly and now has to live with the disease, or the baby, or just even the memory that they can never quite erase. As well, I have heard the testimony of people who have not waited, then decided later to course-correct and their relationship survived-or didn't- as a result. Never, though, have I heard "I wish I had taken the test drive!" It could be that there is a feeling among Christian adults that it is hard enough to convince the younger generation to wait that we don't even want to give any ammunition to the enemy who is trying his best to get them to buy into the lies he is perpetrating.

It would be interesting to hear from anyone who does regret waiting. I am not looking for excuses, or evidence that I shouldn't, rather, I am interested in people's journey.