Titles

You have, most likely heard of the idea that often the place of your greatest battle or fear is the place of greatest strength that God wants to use you. There are so many times in my life where I have dreaded looking behind the veil of that sentiment. I suppose that is the point of fear isn’t it? The enemies way of keeping us bound in exactly the areas that God has ordained for us to make the biggest impact. I have discovered as well, that sometimes things that start simply as fears, overtime can develop into a belief that we have about ourselves. I have had to face some of these beliefs lately. I have long desired to be in better shape. However, it is one of those things that you just can’t hope to have happen to you, it is something that you have to believe is possible for you and then put in the hours of work to get there. God has this interesting way of going about things!

2 years ago, somewhat suddenly, I was empowered, encouraged, and inspired to change my eating habits. Some of that journey is recorded in previous posts, and I could probably write for months abut that, it was totally God’s providential assistance that allowed me to complete that program. I have never before followed through on anything like that before. It had become a lie in my life that I wasn’t someone who could ‘stick to’ a diet or exercise regime, and in order to not feel the disappointment every time I failed, I bought into the lie that was one of those people who just couldn’t diet. Then God got a hold of me, overrode those beliefs supernaturally, and truly provided me all the tools I needed to overcome. Then I went away, to the desert in the middle of summer, I never thought I was someone who could live in the heat, but He forced my hand, and protected me. He took me places and had me experience things that were amazing.

For some of these experiences, I drew on my successes with weightloss to prove to myself that I could power through and follow through. The story of David, when he was going out to Goliath and spoke of his bear-killing history finishes with the assertion that “this will be like that”. David believed in God’s ability to deliver Goliath into his hands because there was a history. Then as time went on, and new amazing things were accomplished in God, those became the “bear” God had helped me kill!

Through all this, a call to fitness has been burning within me, only to flame out when I tried it alone. Then Ottawa Race weekend came along. Thousands and thousands and thousands of people participate! My roommate at the time, inspired me to sign up for the 5K. At the time of signing up, I was pretty sure that, if forced into it, I could walk 5km without dying, but I knew that I couldn’t run anywhere close to that distance. I was supposed to train, and practice, I had bought a treadmill that got very little use, by the time race weekend came along. As race day approached, I got more and more frustrated, annoyed and angry at myself for failing in this area once again. It was only because I made this commitment to my roommate, and she was going to be there to cheer me on (she was running a different distance) that I even went. Had she not driven me, I might have bailed.

Standing there, among thousands of people I felt like the biggest fraud. I fully expected at any moment, someone to point at me and race officials would come over and physically eject me from the race. I didn’t belong there among all those people… and it was hot…. And I didn’t have the right shoes…. And … and …..and

And then, I took a moment to list all the counter arguments for the lies that were chasing each other around my mind trying to shame me into giving in and giving up. The proofs I used were:
1) I PAID so just that entitled me to a spot at the start line
2) Hot? This isn’t hot… the dessert is Hot! I lived there, I can do this!
3) Right now, there are soldiers in Afghanistan who would LOVE to be able to opt out of the need to run 5K this afternoon, except with them, they have 80-100 pounds of gear… if they can do that, YOU can do this!
As the race started, I was still fighting all the emotions and all of the thoughts that would disqualify me from this accomplishment. As I crossed the START line I was chocking back tears, and the desire to sit and weep. Then the smiling face of my roommate appeared in the midst of the crowd, there she was cheering me on! And I started to run!

I would love to tell you that I ran like the wind, finished well, and am setting world records all over the world, but that is not really how it works, is it?
At the end of the course, everyone was given a medal, everyone! It is fun to say that I got a medal in my FIRST 5k! Only I need to know whole story!

On the way home, my roommate kept jokingly announcing to the cars around us that they needed to let us through because “she’s an athlete!” It is amazing what can happen in the spirit of someone when they buy into a ‘title change’. I had never thought of myself as athletic, and I certainly not ‘earned’ it. But I felt like, in that moment, God changed my title.

I have since joined a running club and loving getting out and running pushing myself further and seeing what I am capable of. I know that it is all about God’s provision and God working on the inside to change those titles I have given myself.

What titles have you called yourself that God wants to break off to bring you to the next level of your destiny?