Embodied Destiny

What are you looking at??
You are looking at me holding my new neice. She is the newest member of the family and the first grandchild on our side.

What else are you looking at?

A little girl with some circumstances in her life that could present challenges.

You are looking at destiny. You are looking at untapped potential. You are looking at a young lady in the first 12 hours of her life.

God has ordained her for great things. He knows every moment of her amazing life that is stretched out before her.

You are looking at a Woman of God in the making. We are believing for our whole household to be saved- that includes this little one. You are looking at a little princess surrounded on all sides by people who love her and love Jesus. She is never going to be able to get away from LOVE on all sides!!

Without Titles

This week marked the beginning of a new season of ministry for the ladies of TLC. Last year, Lori began a life group for women that started with just 12 and then grew to 30ish by the end of last year. For the first meeting this season, 55 women showed up to find out what the fuss was all about. Before the beginning of this season, the facilitators sat down and tried to pare down our goals and “begin with the end in mind”. During all of our discussions one of the aspects of why we loved this Lifegroup so much was that no matter what titles you carry with you, people seemed to naturally leave them at the door. It was so safe to just BE WOMEN. As a single woman, I often feel as though Christian Women’s ministries are mislabeled, so often they are primarily focused on wives and mothers. Singles ministries are also mislabeled as so often they are just pity parties for those who would chew off their right arm in exchange for a diamond. There has never before been a place where I have felt a connection with so many others simply because we are all WOMEN!!!

One of the ‘rules’ for our lifegroup is that when we introduce ourselves to the group, we are not allowed to use titles.

As women, we often hide behind our titles: Wife, mother, girlfriend, daughter, professional etc. I recall so many times when I have asked women about themselves and I get a recitation of WHAT they are as opposed to WHO they are.

Since I am not currently working, I don’t really have a title so I thought I wasn’t going to have a problem, but when I got up introduce myself I found it very difficult. Almost like a game of Taboo where you have to describe something but there are certain words that are “Taboo”. Often under pressure, all you can think of is what you CAN’T say!

As the night progressed I realized that I wasn’t the only one who was stretched in this way. Many of the women who spoke actually had to write something down because this was so out of the ordinary for them! You know what? In those few moments, I learned more about those women –some of whom I have known for a long time!- than in all the previous times we had spoken. I heard about what these women are passionate about, and what is important to them. I could hear murmurs in the crowd as people made connections to what the women were saying.

I love that we are ‘forced’ to go deeper.

When you strip away the titles… WHO are you??

Reflections

Recently, I wrote a post about internal vs. external processors.

There were a number of really great comments in response, here they are.....

Waiting

There is a John Mayer song titled "Waiting for the World to change"

I feel like this has become my theme song for this season of my life. There are so many areas that are out of my control, I have no choice but to wait.

I am waiting to hear about jobs I have applied for, I am waiting for that time when God will bring my husband, I am waiting to hear about a family member's health, I am waiting for my niece to be born.

All of these situations are in God's hands. I trust in His ability to bring about the answers. This time though in between, reminds me of when I was a kid and had almost no say in what was going on around me. The uncertainty is uncomfortable, because not only do I not know the answers, but I also don't know the time frames.

Everywhere I turn I am faced with obstacles in my path. As each day passes, my faith in God's ability and willingness to provide for me, my faith must increase to levels I have never known before.

And I am waiting.... not loving it.... but waiting!

Believing the Best

There are certain core values that we live by at Life Centre. One of those is "Believe the Best". Esentially, it means that we believe that everyone is worth our time and God's time. It means that we extend as much grace and acceptance of where they are at in the moment we encounter them.

One of our leaders has a great saying that I cannot recall word-for-word but the underlying idea is that values are only values when they withstand the pressures of life. A value, in my mind is like a law of science, they work everytime you test them out.

This week, those values were seriously put to the test.

There is a situation in my life, where I have to stand back and bite my tongue and allow people to make the mistakes that they are going to make. This is a situation that has me unable to assist in anyway except to pray. I am learning that the kindest thing that I can do is to speak to the potential of the ones that I love.

Thre is nothing else that I can do. I don't like being in that position- I much prefer to have something to DO. Knowing that I cannot change the behaviour of others, I must choose to love in spite of what I see in front of me while leaving thier souls at the foot of the cross.

An Interesting Phenomenon

This blogging thing is a strange hobby!

Some days blogs come easy, sometimes it is hard. I was chatting this weekend with some of the other ladies I know who also blog, and we were comparing notes.

I have found, after almost a year of blogging, that when things are going well, I find it difficult to put together something interesting to write about. I have discovered about myself, that I process difficulty by communicating. I write, or talk, or pray, or just reach out. I have to process out loud. Sometimes that means that those around me find me in that crazy place of needing to talk about something, but not really being able to communicate it effectively. The reality is that these times are amazing for 'material' to blog about. However, in this process, I have learned to delay blogging about these issues in real-time because it is too raw.

On the other hand, one of the other ladies finds that she cannot blog when she is in the midst of the struggle. She needs to sort it out and then can share the end result. I love to read her thoughts and her perspectives because she always writes from a place of victory.

There are times when I wish that I was an internal processor; but I have come to learn, that when I communicate in the midst, it not only helps me get to the end, but it helps others.

Sometimes at the end of a battle, it is hard to go back and unpack those raw emotions, feelings and experiences because we see the victory. If you ask a new mom to describe the feelings before she started labour, she might not remember the small details because she is distracted by the miracle in her arms.

How do you 'process'? Are you and internal thinker, or do you chat your way to break though?

Little Prayers, Big God

How amazing, how wondrous is the love of God! With all that is going on in the world, sometimes we can feel as though our 'little' concerns or questions or problems are not worth the Lord's time. Have you ever held back asking a friend to pray for something because you thought it insignificant?

God is so amazing that our finite minds have a difficult time making sense of these lofty ideas. We only need to look to creation to see a glimpse of God. Scriptures over and over again show us that the creation around us is designed to bring Glory to God, so perhaps the understanding of God's omnipresence can be found in creation in order for us to understand it better.

This quote caught my heart:

The sun, with all those planets revolving around it and dependant on it, can still ripen a bunch of grapes as if it had nothing else in the universe to do.

-Galileo Galilei

As I read this quote I realized, that is it! That is how it works!! God, my God, the God of "more than enough" has more than enough to deal with all of life's situations! Big or small it doesn't matter. Do he grapes ripening on the vine steal any of the sun's ability to keep the atmosphere warm enough for us? Do any of the planets falter in their orbit because the summer is particularly hot? No, of course not! It would be absurd to think that!

Your 'little' prayer asking God to help you find your keys doesn't in any way distract from God's ability to protect your loved ones in need, or steal power from your petition to save your family member. There is more than enough God, and attention and "sunlight" to go around.

The more we learn to rely on God, the more He has the opportunity to surprise us with the answers to all of our needs- Big and Small.

Today, what is one 'little' prayer that you have been holding off praying because you thought it might distract God from the 'big' requests that are already on the list? What if we began to tell God about ALL of our needs? Wouldn't that take up all day everyday? Hmm.... maybe that is the point! Maybe, just maybe that's what 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 means when it says:

16-18 Be cheerful no matter what; pray all the time; thank God no matter what happens. This is the way God wants you who belong to Christ Jesus to live. -The Message (emphasis mine)

Renovations

It has been a great joy to me to be able to spend time at Church as the renovations are coming to an end. I like to see the progress as it is happening.

A funny thing happens though, when a massive renovation is taking place. It begins a new chapter in poeple's minds and hearts. As the furnishings and wall coverings change, attitudes also change. There is this idea that it is time to stop doing things the old way and begin anew.

I assisted one of our pastoral team with a revamp of their storage area. This department in the church has been using the same area for storage for a few years now, but as time progressed since the last renovations more and more 'stuff' has collected. Materials that we no longer use just sit waiting for attention at the boottom of cupboards. So we took everything out, sorted through, re-organized and added some amazing containers, now, it not only looks tidy and neat, it sets that department up for the next season.

It is sometimes the same with our lives. We let stuff pile up and we cram it into the back corners so that we don't have to address it. But eventually we cannot even function. So we take everything out and re-assess. I love that God is in the renovation business.

God is the ultimate "trading spaces" participant. I have friends who always seem to be changing up their home, a little paint here and a new piece there. But God, is ALWAYS looking for ways to rearrange, tear down walls, or recover. With God it is a constant state of changing ME from the inside out. Occasionally, I think that it would be nice to just rest and recuperate, but I know that the longer I rest, the harder it will be to get me going again!

So bring it on! Let's renovate.

Single Girl Moment!

OK, so here's the deal! As a single woman it makes sense that I have to do all the work around the house. I have heard the division of labour in a marriage can fall under the catagories of "Pink Work" and "Blue Work" AKA "stuff she does" and "stuff he does". With the blending of roles in my world I suppose it ALL falls under "Purple Work".. get it? Pink and Blue..... anyway!

For the most part I am happy to do what needs to be done. I don't often FEEL the effects of singleness. I get that my life is pretty great in a lot of ways. One of the main downsides to being single is that there is no other designation for the work, no one else to take on some of those aspects of homeownership that aren't "my gifting or ministry"! Some are obvious... I am intimidated by plumbing and electrical work, somethings are just too HEAVY for me to lift... those might fall naturally under "Blue Work". There are other things, though, that I would LOVE to delegate to someone else... most of these things have to do with smell.

I am not good with things that smell funky-I would rather throw out the Tupperware than subject myself to what grows inside from time to time, and I don't like discovering what might be clogging the drain. But most of all, the thing that I dread the most... happens every week and I dislike it every week is GARBAGE NIGHT. Since I was a kid, my chore was to collect the garbage cans from around the house and empty them. I HATED it then, and I HATE it now.

As strange as it sounds, when I think about the bliss of matrimony, garbage night becoming Blue Work brings me joy... I might have to write that into the vows... "I take you Laura to be my wife.... I promise to love, honour, take out the garbage, in sickness and in health as long as we both shall live..."

I DO!!!!

Don't Forget

One of my favourite TV characters is Jed Bartlett of "The West Wing". I love the writing of the show and the intellect of the wit. In one of the episodes, he addresses his friend about the possible fallout of a political scandal resulting from a previous drug additicton that was going to go public. With a depth of empathy that only Martin Sheen could muster, he says to his friend, the former drug addict:

"Don't forget the battles you have fought and won."

As we move into September and a new season, I am seeing in a lot of people a need to start fresh and a lot of pressure to make new beginnings and see new adventures. More than most, I get the need for growth and new adventure, however, in the midst of the changes and the newness, let's not lose sight of the battles that you have fought and won. Let's make sure that we are remembering what God has brought us through.

When September Comes

This scene presented itself outside my back patio door! A leaf, in it's fall glory just laying there, mocking me....

In the spring we celebrate the first Robin we see, because then it is REALLY spring- I count the beginning of spring from the first Motorcycle that goes by, but that's just me- but in the fall the first fallen leaf signifies both the end and the beginning.

I really like fall. It is my favourite season. I like the cool mornings and evenings and the fond memories the sun holds in her rays all day long. I like that I can open my windows without worrying about letting the cool air out. I like that the days become noticeable shorter. I like to see the changes occurring. With September, though, always seems to come a sadness. Every summer begins stretched out before us and seems interminable. I always have high hopes for the summer of things that I want to do, people to hang out with and growth to have happen in my life.

This summer though, was spent in process. I have discovered much about myself this summer. I have learned a lot about God as well. September feels like a new beginning often. It is not just the kids going back to school who feel it. I have determined that this fall will be productive and strategic and intentional. I will be putting into place a specific plan of action in response to this summer of growth. I have to be cautious not to make too many sweeping changes, but one thing at a time, and this will be a productive fall!

As the summer air turns cooler, trees pull the sap back from their leaves in order to protect it from freezing. The sap is the lifeblood of the tree. As the sap drains down into the roots to nourish them during the winter, the leaves begin to die because they are no longer being nourished. In order to survive the winter, the tree must slough off that which is not essential. In the same way, I want to pull back and evaluate and shed those things which are not essentials in my walk with the Lord. In this way, I can maximize the lifeblood within me to nourish those who God has called me to.

Goliath is just another Bear......

"this .... will be like one of them" (1 Sam 17:33-37)

I am in a battle. It is a battle for my heart, a battle for my mind, a battle for my faith and a battle for bigger things in God. I am at the point that to stay where I am and not grow would be tantamount to failure. This is a testing of my faith that will define the next season of my life.

Outwardly, there is not much going on, but on the inside there is a stubborn resistance to what the enemy would have me believe. There is a Goliath in my midst that taunts me night and day. He says that God is not big enough, or that God isn't willing to come through. The most damaging thing he says is "God helps those who help themselves" like somehow God's miraculous moving is dependant on me making things happen.

When I look back at my life, I see the amazng things that God has brought me through. He has changed me from who I was, saved me from my sin, healed an abused and broken heart and transformed my mind from a suicidal teen and replaced my mindset.

It is time that we as a people start reminding ourselves of all that God has brought us through. Not just saving us-although it was the most important moment, often it is the simplest moment- but those major battles that have changed our lives.

When David was going to fight Goliath, he told Saul about the battles he had fought against the bear and the lion he had killed. But then what he said next was so important... "this uncircumcised Phillistines will be like one of them". He understood in that moment that it is the same God.

Often when something comes against us, we dispair or we worry because we have never experienced anything like it before. I could say "sure God walked me through the divorce of my family, but this situation is completely different than that, is God still able?" It is easy to believe God for a financial breakthrough if you have experienced financial breakthroughs before, or healing if you have healing before. Often though, when something comes across our path, the likes of which we have never seen, our faith fails us because we forget.

David understood that though the details were different, God is still the same. He is still able, He is still in control and He is still invested in our lives.

Look today at whatever situation is in your life through the eyes of David and remember the battles you have already won, then tell the giants that you are facing....

"this .... will be like one of them" (1 Sam 17:33-37)

and take the victory that God has in store for you!

One ending, One Beginning, One Continuing saga

Today is the 2nd anniversary of Hurricane Katrina. There were updates and continuing questions about what went wrong, what could have been done better, and what all of that means for the rest of the US in the event of another natural disaster. There were updates on the Health, the psycho-social, and the criminal effects such a widespread disaster had on those affected by the storms. In so many ways, the hurricane continues to victimize the residents of New Orleans- it is their continuing saga.

On the other side of the world 12 Korean hostages were freed by the Taliban. Their ordeal is over. They will get to go home. They will not need to ever return to the location of their victimization. It is the end, but also the beginning. It is the beginning of their recovery. The beginning of putting back together the pieces of lives torn apart by terror.

These two groups of people now have more in common than anyone would ever care to share.

It seems that all around us there is fear, terror, pain, heartache and disappointment. In eras past, these conditions might have brought us all together in a shared experience. Today, though, it seems that we have bought into the lie that these conditions of pain, or disappointment, loss, and hurt provide us the excuse to pull away and seek only for ourselves what we feel we need. Individuals looking to thier own agenda separated by a chasm that seems unbridgeable. BUT GOD...

I was reminded today, that sin is the common denominator. It is an End of the close relationship we have with God, and a Continuing saga of separation from God and one another. The great news is that it is also the Beginning. Because of sin, grace is the beginning of God's ability to reach through our circumstances and allow us to not only approach His throne, but also reach across the divide between neighbours and begin to 'do life together'. Perhaps as we walk together we can be stronger, and healthier.

It shouldn't take a terrorist, or a hurricane to open our eyes to the pain in those who sit beside us on the bus, or who work next to us... or even who occupy the pew in front of us.

Good Ending!

Tonight I was at a meeting that, truth be told, I didn't want to be at. All day I had not been feeling well. I was doubting myself and even my purpose. I was in a cranky mood, and didn't feel like I got that much accomplished today. I put on a happy face and attempted to change my feelings by changing my behaviour, I smiled and dodged questions about myself and focused on others. There was even a point where a situation came up where I was offered a ride home! I stayed knowing that I needed to be there. It was a good meeting with lots of good information and vision casting for the next year.

At the end though, we prayed for one another. One of the ladies in my prayer circle had a word for me. This word spoke to the very core of what I was experiencing. It has been a long time since someone outside of my circle prayed for me, and this women I don't know that well just hit the nail on the head. It broke off some insecurities that were taking root and it spoke to the foundation of what God has been speaking to me about my purpose. It was like an unexpected day at the spa! As she prayed, I felt a peace wash over me and renew my purpose.

If I had given in to how I felt, I would have been robbed of that moment! It reminds me that no matter where you are, God is there and is SEEKING opportunities to propel us towards our destiny.

Thanks Terri for your faithfulness!

The Rustle of Wedding Dresses!

Every once in a while, our group of single girls comes down with a case of "Wedding Fever". Sometimes it is a mild case, sometimes an terminal illness! There will seem to be a 'rash' of conversations-pun intended- about weddings and what we as single women want. These converstations run the usual gammut from colours to styles, to type of wedding and sometimes honeymoons. It is a lot of fun to listen to grown women get all giggly about the dreams that they have had for so many years. You learn a lot about someone from the way they plan their 'dream wedding'.

Invitably, younger ones want the expensive wedding in the fancy hotel and expect thier parents to pay for it. They often imagine that they will marry rich and it will solve all of their problems. Then there is the slightly older single women who still wants a fancy wedding, but knows that the fairy tale comes with a hefty price tag so likely will limit the numbers of guest.... each age and stage of the single woman can often be characterized by the type of wedding she wants.

What else is very telling, is who they will have in thier bridal party. Some want just one or two close friends, others will want everyone who ever said hi to them because they don't want anyone to be left out!

There is something about weddings that turns women everywhere into little girls playing dress-up. I think that it takes us back to the time in our lives when nothing was impossible.

If you want to get to know how someone thinks, ask them to dream about something that is important to them and you will gain insight into their heart.

Reframe a dream, find a new purpose

Have you ever had custom framing done? It is interesting to take a photo or a painting and see how different frames change the whole look and feel of a picture. Sometimes elements or colours show up that you didn't even see before!


There are so many dreams that all of us have in our hearts. Sometimes these dreams are specific and sometimes they lie beneath the surface with a desire that God has given us. So many times though, our dreams are something yet to be achieved, or something that seems far off. When there is a delay in the fulfillment of our dream we can often question either the dream itself, or God. The Bible says "hope deferred makes the heart sick". So does it makes sense that God would give me a desire in my heart and then keep it out of my reach?


So what do we do while we are waiting for the dreams to be fulfilled? Well, lets change the framework and see what shows up.


I have found that, by breaking down my dreams like one would break down a job for a resume, I see that there is often a different frame that will fit that dream but will still fulfill my desires while I am waiting. Let me give you an example.


I have a dream in my heart to be married and have kids. It seems like this is a pretty straighforward dream. One that has a specific beginnng and a specific framework. But let's ask ourselves: "What am I looking for that role to allow me to do in my life?"


Wife: Partnership, investing fully in someone else, having someone who is on my 'team', being someone's biggest cheerleader


Mom: Nurturing, teaching, watching someone develop, revelling in their accomplishments


These are the things that when I really thought about it were that the things that I was looking most forward to. I was waiting to invest in someone who wouldn't move, or find new friends, I was waiting to pour out all my nurturing on my kids. But the problem was what to do in the meanntime.


If we look at those desires and the roles we begin to see that there is NOTHING on that list that is dependant on my being married. I can look around me and invest in others, I can nurture others, I can find a friend who I can invest in and be her biggest cheerleader!


Does this mean that I no longer want to get married? Not at all, in fact, the more I do those things, the more I see that they are God's plan for my life and they fuel me. What it means, is that in the meantime until I meet that man, and walk down the aisle, there is something for me to be doing for God. I am not being held hostage to the desires of my heart that God put there in the first place.


Your dream might be something entirely different. Just remember, but doing these things 'in the meantime' doesn't take away or risk having your BIG dream come true, rather when that moment comes to step into your BIG dream, you will be prepared because you have already been living it!

The Follow Up

The other day, I asked whether you hold your hands with Palms Up or Palms Down. Let me explain.

God has been speaking to me for a while about the essense of femininity. This past Sunday morning, our pastor invited us to take the hand of the person next to us. I reached out as I always do with my palms down. I have read in the past, that this is a sign of strength and a sign of wanting to be in control, and likely that has something to do with why I do it, but more than that, with my height, often, if I am palms up, it creates a funny angle for my hand especially if someone is much shorter- if you have kids in your world, try it you will see.

As I reached out, I felt the Lord whisper "look around". I looked at the women around me, most of whom are setting an example for me of femininity, and they were all palms up. So right there in the middle of the prayer, I released my grip and changed the position of my hands. I was standing beside my cousin who is a strong taller man. As I stood there palms up there was something that felt very safe. Somehow, I felt protected and secure. I recalled the experience I recently blogged about Surrender or Submit... and the point about submission being 'choosing not to fight'. On some level, IN ME I think that even in this small gesture of hand holding, I was still choosing to fight.

Am I implying that for those who prefer palms down, that they are not feminine? Nope, not at all. This is a detail that God is touching on in MY life. Funny thing though, almost all of the women who commented were 'palms up'..... hmmmmmm

More importantly....

Thanks to all of you for commenting on my crazy question... I will respond but today there is something more important.

Today, the family of Pte. Simon Longtin received the flag-draped coffin of their son. It likely was the second time in 3 weeks that they wept at the prospect of their son's travel. Their farewell tears barely had time to dry and again they weep.

It seems too high a cost. Yet, today more news of 2 more deaths. I cannot even begin to know what it is like to lose a loved one in such a manner, but my heart aches at the deaths.

I think of those I know who have volunteered to undertake the mission on behalf of those who cannot fight for themselves. How high a price must we pay?



While there is sadness for those who have been left behind, fear for those who will be venturing over in the future, there is also gratitude. I am so grateful that there are those who would step into a place of danger for others. To know that if it came to it, my country, my family and friends would be safer for the protection of those who serve us in the armed forces.

My tears will not protect those are in danger, still I offer them alongside my prayers.

http://www.cfpsa.com/en/corporate/NewsCentre/Support/index.asp

Palms up? Palms down?

An impromptu Poll!!

This is going to sound VERY strange, but I hope that you will help me by answering a question.....

When you hold someone's hand (Other than your spouse's) do you reach out with your palms up, or down?

Close your eyes, stnd up and hold out your hands and tell me, palms up, or down?

Go with me on this. Just put your answer in the comments, you can do it anonymously if you want, just let me know if you are male or female. Don't worry, I don't have some crazy article that says if you reach out palms down that you are a psycho! I merely am gathering information.

Your help is appreciated. You will hear more about this on Thursday!

Seasons

I love changing seasons in the natural progression of weather and calendar as much as I love the changing seasons of our lives. There are moments in time when a change in the season is obvious- The first flakes of snow silently usher in the the winter, or trickling water that accompanies winter's departure. Some seasons, though are more stealthy in their approach. Summer dawns on our conciousness with a realization that it suddenly is hotter and one day you stop and realize that it is still sunny out at 8:30 or 9:00 at night.


August is one of my favourite months because it has so much variety. There are warm days, and cool nights, the joy of summer is still upon us, but as summer comes to an end we are desperate to hold onto those last vestiges by cramming in as much 'summer' as we can. It is full of the memories of nights too hot to sleep, sunburns, and swimming. I love those first times that we pull the cozy sweaters out of their resting place and feel thier warmth where the sun so recently left her kisses.


The seasons of our lives can fall into 2 catagories as well: those seasons that start or end with an event- a catalytic change of circumstances which user in a new season; or those seasons whose change is signified by a slow realization that things are not as they used to be.


Just as we don't notice that the sun is setting earlier and earlier until the cumulated change is significant , sometimes we don't notice a new season in our lives until the new season requires something new of us. A lot of times, this type of change in season can be the most stressful because we don't always realize it is happening but we realize that what worked before no longer is working. When we don't take notice of the changes around us, we get caught up in what used to be and fight against what needs to be.

Fall for so many seems to be a time of starting over. Perhaps it is the memories of beginning a new grade, maybe having new school supplies. There is a fresh start feeling to fall. Take a look at the 'supplies' that you are using? Will they adequately equip you in the season you are entering? Or is it time to invest in some new supplies?

Nothing to Prove!

"The greatest freedom is when you have nothing to prove."

This was on a list of Mark Batterson's favourite sayings. Every once in a while I see a moment of having nothing to prove. Nothing to prove to myself, to others, to myself about others and to myself about God.

There are glimpses of this freedom that I want to cultivate every day. I find that I am most myself when living in that freedom.

How free are you in this area? What are you left trying to prove? Are you trying to prove God wrong in His love for you? Are you trying to prove to yourself that you REALLY aren't worthy of forgiveness after all? Or are you just deluding yourself that grace and the Love of God has anything at all to do with something that you have or haven't done?

Be free.... I speak to myself... be free in the freedom of truly having nothing to prove!!

Some Fun Facts!

I am continually amazed that anyone would be interested in what I have to say, and yet the numbers say that there are many who read but don't comment. It is kind of strange to be able to see where people are clicking in from!

Since July 15 here are some numbers:
426 people have visited and spent, on average 5:14 minutes per visit!

Visitors from so many different countries!

Canada - by far the most visits!
United States
South Korea, Spain, United Kingdom,
Taiwan, Serbia and Montenegro,
India and Bolivia

Most of the you find this site from Confessions of a Pastor's Wife- thanks Lori!

There is nothing that I can say that would express to you my gratitude to God for this amazing opportunity- and to you for reading! This technology has given me a platform that I never would have imagined possible!

Keep reading!

A Bigger Expectation

There are some funny things that happen when you are unemployed for an extended period of time; life takes on an interesting pace. There is something of Maslov's Hierarchy of Needs at play in my home.

When I was working, it would be that I would spend a lot of each Saturday cleaning and it seemed to be a constant fight just to stay ahead of the mess of daily living. By the time I got home from work at the end of the day or the week, there wasn't any energy left for those extra projects which seem to taunt every working person-a linen closet that needs attention, laundry that piles up, or windows streaked in dirt. There just doesn't seem to be enough time to get everything done. However, when those other demands are reduced, the time becomes available.

When I was working, if I opened a linen closet that needed to be organized, I would become annoyed at the mess, sigh at the lack of time and shut the door hoping to shut the problem from my mind. Now though, I have the time to take everything out, sort it, re-fold it and then walk away content! As more and more of the 'big projects' get taken care of, I have begun to see the dirt in the crevices that before I never would have seen. Not only do I see this new level of need, but it bothers me!! I have gone from feeling like a hero if the garbage got put out bi-weekly to being annoyed that the vaccuum lines have disappeared from my bedroom floor! I clearly have moved up Maslov's heirarchy of Housework!

Am I turning into a crazy fastidious housekeeper? There is probably not much threat of that happening! But it did get me thinking....

I began to think about some of the "little" details in my Christian walk which before would have been skimmed over to make room for the BIG ISSUES. Recently, though, it has seemed that these 'little' things have taken on more and more importance. Like the hidden crevices in my home that go unnoticed in the bustle of life, when I stop and look, they rear their ugly heads and take on an importance that they never did before.

I love that God is invested in the details of my walk. That as He heals, and changes me, and sets me on the right path, His involvement doesn't end there. I love that in all of our lives, we can go as deep in God as we want to. He is always waiting to take us to depths in Him that we have never known. God is infinite in splendour and there will never be a moment when I have seen and experienced all that there is in God. Like a home that is in constant need of cleaning, just when we think we have done it all, it is time to dig deeper, and go to new levels.

So now, I will celebrate the fact that I have seen the dirt in the corners of my soul, because it means that I am doing more than just surviving. It shows that I am growing!

To Surrender or to Submit

Yesterday I blogged about surrendering. I have been on a journey to be leave behind more and more of myself and to become more and more like Christ. Today I was reading in 1 John 3:6 says:

6No one who lives in him keeps on sinning. No one who continues to sin has either seen him or known him.

As well, Sunday night I heard a sermon about extending love to those around us. After the message we got into small discussion groups. One of the questions was "What will it take to extend the love of Jesus to others?" In that moment I realized.... If I TRULY TRULY TRULY understood the Love of Christ, there would be nothing that could stop me from telling the whole world. If I truly understood the mystery of grace I would have no choice but to knock on doord in the middle of the night because not another second could pass without telling someone about the love of God.

There is a frustration in me when I see the repeating pattern of sin in my life. I want to call it "issues" or "stuff that I am working on" but really let's call it what it is.....SIN.

After yesterday's post there were some very interesting comments. One in particluar about the difference between surrender and submission. For all my Christian life I have heard it preached and sung that we need to "Surrender" our lives fully to God. Gary wrote about a sermon he once heard:

"Surrender" is about being forced to stop fighting because you are facing an unbeatable foe whose goal is to destroy you. The only other option is to keep fighting and face certain defeat. There is no chance of victory and to surrender is humiliating. It is done for the sole purpose of surviving. Our foe (the devil) has a simple goal. It's to keep us in a position of weakness once we have surrendered. All options to fight later are eliminated because the foe gives us no chance to gather our strength. The enemy wants us fearful and weak. We are no threat to him that way.

"Submission" from a biblical perspective is entirely different. It doesn't require us to be defeated. Rather, it asks us to willingly choose not to fight. We recognize our abilities and strengths but choose not to use them for our purposes. Biblical submission does not eliminate our strength, it builds it and focusses it on a greater goal.

I love the story of David in the cave when Saul was seeking him to destroy him. In the darkness, Saul had no idea that he was within inches of one who could have taken his life.David had the power, the opportunity and frankly, the motive. He didn't surrender to Saul, he submitted to God. This action took great courage and integrity. He left the scene with greater strength and character.

I can't fully accept that God wants us "beaten down" to Him. Yes, we allow our lives to get so miserable that it happens when we finally come to Him but it's really about our own choices catching up to us. He wants to build us up and help us recognize our strength and courage

I LOVE this perspective. I pulled up Bible gateway and typed in "surrender". I was surprised to find that apart from specific discussions about war, there were very few scriptures that actually implore, or command or suggest that "Surrender" to God is what is necessary. Here are the ones I found- it could be argued that these don't really even follow the context that we are discussing here.

1 Corinthians 13:3If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing (NIV)

The Amplified Bible:

Acts 11:21And the presence of the Lord was with them with power, so that a great number [learned] to believe (to adhere to and trust in and rely on the Lord) and turned and surrendered themselves to Him.

Romans 1:16For I am not ashamed of the Gospel (good news) of Christ, for it is God's power working unto salvation [for deliverance from eternal death] to everyone who believes with a personal trust and a confident surrender and firm reliance, to the Jew first and also to the Greek

Romans 6:16Do you not know that if you continually surrender yourselves to anyone to do his will, you are the slaves of him whom you obey, whether that be to sin, which leads to death, or to obedience which leads to righteousness (right doing and right standing with God)?

1 Corinthians 13:3Even if I dole out all that I have [to the poor in providing] food, and if I surrender my body to be burned or in order that I may glory, but have not love (God's love in me), I gain nothing.

I want to hear your thoughts... this is something that I am processing in real time as I write.

A Stained White Flag of Surrender

As long as there has been civilization, there has been war. Every war ever fought has had conqueror and conquered. Within the context of war there is this idea of surrender. I suppose that surrender has always been an option to every warrior, but until recently, surrender meant certain death or enslavement. Surrender was a decision not made lightly, and so few took that option preferring to die with honour than live in defeat.

Today, though, I think that surrender has lost some of its weightiness. In recent history and wars, those who surrender are legally required to be given shelter, and food and medicine. In the case of the conflict in the middle east, the worst that could come out of surrendering is to be locked in jail where you are fed and clothed and perhaps some friends will kidnap innocent civilians and try to negotiate your release... I digress, this is not a post about the intricasies of the policies of war, but rather a study of surrender.

As Christians, we often talk about surrendering our lives to Christ. Surrendering our dreams, and our hopes and turning them into the safe-keeping of God. There is this idea that if we surrender them 'properly', God, in His wisdom and love for us will return that which we have surrendered. It would never be taught from the pulpit but we often think that if we want something too much, God will take it away. I used to joke with my friends that I would pray "Lord, PLEASE don't send me a great husband who is handsome and kind. PLEASE don't allow him to be successful and good. And by the way God, I REALLY would not like to be sent on a missions trip to Barbados! PLEASE God, don't ask this hardship of me!" I would pray that because some where I picked up the idea that I would know something was "The Will of God" if it was something that I didn't want to do!

This is a strange idea that doesn't fit what I believe about the character of God. But you know what? This thought still permeates my thinking. I find myself sincerely surrendering situations in my life, but then looking around to see if God is bringing them back to me.

In some ways, this type of surrender is like playing a game with God. Using reverse psychology to 'trick' God into allowing us to do what we want to do. As if we have any way to trick God!

If I still hope to prevail, have I truly surrendered?


The American Heritage Dictionary defines Surrender :

To relinquish possession or control of to another because of demand or compulsion.
To give up in favor of another.
To give up or give back (something that has been granted): surrender a contractual right.
To give up or abandon: surrender all hope.
To give over or resign (oneself) to something, as to an emotion: surrendered himself to grief.
Law To restore (an estate, for example), especially to give up (a lease) before expiration of the term.

There is nothing in any of these definitions that leaves room to hope for-much less expect- a return of that which is surrendered. There is no waiting period, or good deeds that can sway the outcome.

I feel like I have surrendered my life a thousand times, only to find myself back on the battlefield hoping to change the outcome to what I think it should be. I wave the white flag of surrender before the throne of God, only to question and wonder and rail against His plans and purposes for my life, when they take a different shape or occupy a different timeline that I would like.

What if I began to see my life as enslaved to God's will? What is it going to take before I truly DIE to myself and realize that no matter what, I don't want to go back to that battlefield. This white flag I keep waiving is getting stained from overuse..... next time I waive it, will anyone recognize it for what it is?

Wednesday????

My last post was Wednesday?? So sorry! I am not sure how the time got away from me!

We had an amazing thing happen right here in my livingroom! For the first time EVER, my mother and my step-mother were at the same event and communicating! I knew there would be no problems because they are both women of grace and both came together to bless my sister-in-law. We held a surprise baby shower, and it was so great! It takes a lot of courage to face an uncertainty that has been imminant for almost 10 years. They were bound to have to meet and communicate eventually, and it happened here.

I am so proud of both of them for banding together and presenting a united family unit for the sake of my soon to be born niece. This event is the beginning of an answer to prayer, and the fulfillment of a deep longing in my heart to have those I love most in the whole world be able to share simultaneously in the good things that God is doing!

Joyce Meyers Part 2

To continue from yesterday!

Joyce Meyers was talking about when we cannot love others if we don't love ourselves. She stated that if we do something nice for someone everyday that we wouldn't have to preach. It is a challenge to look outside ourselves.

Luke 10:29 : "who is my neighbour?"

• What am I closing my eyes to because I don't want to get involved?
• We often study the steps of Jesus (where he went and who he spoke to) but perhaps we need to study the "Stops" of Jesus, and see what made Him stop.

Luke 15: 11 The tale of the prodigal son, the son started with "give me" but when he returned to his father he said "make me".

• We need to move from GIVE ME to MAKE ME.

Colossians 3: 14 "put on love"

• What you think about early in the morning will set the tone for the whole day
• Maybe what you dislike the most about yourself is what God wants to use.

Then Joyce talked about how we choose our clothes very carefully for important occasions.

Revelation 16:15

• We need to clothe ourselves in love
• Take the time to clothe yourself instead of just wearing what you slept in!
• Be careful of your spiritual clothes

Matt 24:12

• 2 things will make the difference: 1) Relationship with God; 2) What goes on behind closed doors

Joyce Meyers- Part 1

I have a bit of a confession to make. For some reason, I am often disappointed when women preach and they present "fluffy" messages that mainly are geared towards a demographic of women for whom a good banana bread is their biggest aspiration. I don't say that with any judgement, just that this type of message doesn't do it for me.

I had not heard Joyce Meyers nor looked inside any of her books so going into this service where she was preaching, I wasn't really sure what to expect, but I was hoping that she wasn't 'one of those' women. Happily, this was one of my favourites! From the moment she opened her mouth, she had my attention. Here are my notes:


Her core thought is: Love and Value yourself because then and only then can you begin to love God and others.

• God never asks us to give anything away that He hasn't already given us
• You cannot get along with someone else if you cannot get along with yourself
• What do I hate and despise but do it anyway because the enemy has convinced us that we need to be like someone else?-she talked about trying to grow vegetables because her neighbour was and she thought she "should"
• Don't try to do something that somebody else is doing if God is not calling you to do it.
• You have to be who you are: If I like me & I know God likes me, and I am doing what God is calling me to do & pouring into those God is calling me to pour into, then NOTHING ELSE MATTERS

1 John 4:8

• The more you try to get what you want, the less likely you will get what you want, but when you are about blessing others, Blessings WILL CHASE YOU!
• Everything with God is about the motive: the WHY behind the WHAT

Romans 14:12 -- Am I doing everything with the right motives?

• You can't love anone else if you don't love yourself
• There are a lot of little things that God does that we need to make a big deal about
• Love is a decision about how we will or will not treat people- you have to do it on purpose

Mark 8:34- to 'deny himself' means to Lose sight of himself & his own interest

• It should not be that a a Christian is discontent: this happens when we turn inward and not outward
• Do at least one thing for someone else everyday: If you sow into people's lives you don't have to preach
• If your heart is open to God, you will eventually end up doing what you are meant to do. It might not be immediately, but in the meantime you will have lots of training

The next portion needs more explanation... to be continued......

Off topic.....

I was going to tell you about Joyce Meyers' message at the conference but this is a big one, I want to give it the proper attention, so it is coming up tomorrow. In the meantime something happened today that I just HAVE to share with you. Have you ever walked into a high-end store and had the sales people give you sooo much attitude that you felt like less than human??

I was poking around downtown today, and this happened! We walked into a store and immediately some "Dude" in an office looked at us and said "are you sure you are in the right place, that you didn't come in the wrong door!!!"

I was taken aback!! Just for spite and because he had approached us in that way, we said "nope, we just came in to look around". There was high end art on the wall ranging in price from 15-20 thousand dollars, and in the back there was a small showroom with a couple of kitchens set up. I love kitchens and he had hurt my pride so I poked around for little while. Finally he came out of his office and stood in the showroom, not so much to engage us as to watch and make sure that we didn't steal anything.

I said hello and complimented his merchandise. His response "what are you ladies going to be? Interior Designers? " as if to say that the only reason we were there was to pretend!!

I told him that I was renovating my house and looking for ideas (mostly true), he pointed to a strange little contraption by the front door, and told me that I had to include one of those in my house and that it was "only" 10 thousand dollars. Knowing he was gauging my reaction to the price tag, I played it cool, told him that I had seen that before (true) and that as much as I liked the idea, I had dismissed it as not practical for me-somewhat true. We said our goodbyes and walked out the door.

As we got out of ear shot of the store front, I turned to my friends and burst out with "I have NEVER been treated like that before!"

I was soooooooooooooooooooo speechless! I couldn't believe the nerve of that guy! It brought to mind the scene from Pretty Woman where she goes with the Richard Gere's credit card and tries to buy clothes on Rodeo Dr but because she is dressed the way she was, they refuse to serve her. Later she returns to the same store with many bags of expensive designer clothes and shows the snotty sales girls, and reminds them that they are on commission!

For the rest of the afternoon, we kept thinking up scenarios where we could "Pretty Woman" that guy, to put him in his place. In the end, we decided 3 things: he needs Jesus, I was reacting out of having my pride hurt, and that his issues were his issues and shouldn't ruin our afternoon. I even drove by his store and took note of his website with the plans to mention it here so that no one would support his business, but I have decided that it isn't worth my time. With an attitude like that, he is going to drive his own business into the ground.

I pray though, that I never ever, no matter my situation in life, or my wealth or my success, ever would make someone feel the way he made me feel!

I wonder if sometimes that is how we make non-Christians feel when they come in our churches??? What if, in our attitudes, speech, or demeanour, without realizing it, we ask them if they are sure they are in the right place. Dear God, I hope not!

Know the Heart, Understand the Actions

As a side note: you can now access this blog via www.lauracoxworth.com I am very excited to call myself a Dotcom! :-)

Continuing the thoughts and refelction of my trip to Utica NY to attend Generation Conference...

If you have read the whole series you might recall that travel was not always easy or fun. There were some hiccups along the way, people with different priorities and expectations. There will always be situations in life that will bother or annoy you and what is important is how you respond- of course by "you" I mean "me!" I don't always respond well, I often get caught up in the circumstances and forget about the big picture.

I have learned to ask: In light of eternity..... does it really matter?? The answer most of the time is: not likely. One thing that I have been learning a lot about lately is to look at the heart of the person and to filter thier actions through what I know about thier character.

A few months ago, I overheard my step-mother imparting wisdom to a good friend of mine. They were discussing marriage and how to navigate the 'dumb' things that people occasionally say to one another that mght unintentionally hurt. She said "when you know the character, you can let things go". Her point was that occasionally my father will say something that mght seem hurtful, but because she knows his heart and his character, and knows that he never sets out to hurt anyone with his words, she doesn't take it personally.

This idea has been rolling around my mind and heart ever since. I have begun to see the people around me through this light. It is the idea that Love covers a multitude of sins.

Not to say that we can be careless with the words we say to those we love, on the contrary we need to be MORE cautious, but in those moments where we mess up... there is grace and love. When we were delayed getting to the service on time, was the person holding us up doing it on purpose? No, I later found out that his wife and baby were very sick and needed some attention... doesn't that change the whole view?? I have a friend who, if we are standing together in church will go away to worship. Somehow I got it in my mind that they just did not like my singing (What??? since when do I matter THAT much), but later found out that they are really easily distracted when worshipping so they move away to focus on God!

So you see: know the heart, understand the actions....

Is there someone around you whose actions you might be mis-interpreting?? Do thier actions match what you know of their heart?

Stephen Baldwin.... yep, THAT Stephen Baldwin

Stephen Baldwin the actor was one of the speakers! I was excited to hear about him and what God has done in his life. Before we get into that though, it HAS to be said that my "degrees of Separation" to Kevin Bacon had reduced significantly. For those who don't know what I am talking about, there is a theory that everyone in the world is connected within six degrees from everyone else in the world. Everyone you meet ever, you theoretically should be able to connect with someone they know. Since Kevin Bacon has been an actor since the dawn of time there is a joke that every actor can be traced through this 6 degrees back to Kevin Bacon. It is an interesting phenomenan-one that Facebook is actually showing us nicely!

That being said, according to this website I am now just 3 degrees from Kevin Bacon, and you, by extension, are 4. This is how, you know me (1), I was at a conference where Stephen spoke (2) Stephen Baldwin was in the Usual Suspects with Kevin Spacey (3) Kevin Spacey was in Seven with Brad Pitt (4) Brad Pit was in Sleepers with Kevin Bacon (5)!!!

See how that works.... OK onto the Spritual stuff!!!

Stephen Baldwin came to know the Lord after his wife got saved and spent about a year just praying and living it. You can see his full testimony on the Generation Conference website. Essentially after watching his wife pray for a year, he decided that he was going to give God a try. He started to learn and pray and everything that he needed to do, then came Sept 11. Something he said at that point really caught me. He said that in the days following Sept 11, that he was going to

"Maximize the potential of this moment"

this phrase struck a chord in me. He decided in that time of history that he was going to put all of his energy into this God question, and it revolutionized his life.

I began to think: "Do I maximize the potential in my situations?" -it has changed my outlook.

Tomorrow: Know the heart, understand the action.

You Have to Fight for your Blessing

Have you ever noticed that sometimes on the way to a service or a conference strange things occur that would attempt to distract you from what God is doing? Well this happened to our whole group on the way down to Utica and even when we got there.

There was a comedy of errors of miscommunication and waiting around for things to happen. You would think that it would be an easy thing to get 4 able-bodied adults to a conference 2 blocks away from the hotel, but not so much.

I won't bore you with the details because they really aren't that important, suffice it to say that we were all a little cranky by lunchtime the 2nd day. Fortunately, we all worked hard to not take out the crankiness on each other!!

As we FINALLY got our passes to the conference, and were walking the 2 blocks from the hotel, a thought hit me.....

"If it has been this hard to get here, imagine what God is going to do!"

Having seen this phenomenon before, and heard all about it from families who fight against illness and disobedience all the way to church, I kind of had an insight into what was going on. So on the short walk to the auditorium, I firmed up my resolve to leave any frustration and distraction at the door and just enter into what God was doing in the service. I had come too far, and risked wasting a good chunck of money if I didn't get something amazing out of the experience!!

So next time you are on your way to a church service or a conference (Especially when you are expecting good things), if something gets in the way, don't let it distract you.... push through and put it aside, God is making a big move in you!

Mark Schilling

Today we continue the series of nuggets I recieved at Generation Conference

We were a little late for this session... Mark was mostly done, but I am pretty sure he was talking about Luke 5 where the disciples had fished all night and caught nothing, but the Jesus told them to cast thier nets in the deep waters and they caught a huge haul of fish.

Mark was describing some very difficult situations in his life where he had no choice but to follow the leading of Jesus and let down his nets into the deep water. He was referring to those challenges as "The Deeps" those places where you get to the end of yourself and there is nothing to do but that which God commands-even if the logic seems flawed. It is in those "Deeps" that Jesus has us where He needs us to be so that we can see the greatest glory of God. He touched a little on how circumstances often don't come FROM God, but He does allow them so that we will turn to Him.

James 1:2-8 was another scripture he used. He said, in talking with God, the more you describe the deep water you are in, the bigger God shows up.

MY take: I find too often that my prayers are symptom-specific but don't address the whole problem. Sometimes circumstances are like a disease with many symptoms, if you just treat the symptoms as individual situations, you could miss how they are all connected and miss the diagnosis of the real cause (Ever watched House?). As I think about what Mark said regarding describing the deep water, I suppose that how detailed a description you give God about the Deep water you are in, could be a litmus test which could "test" your view of God's willingness and ability to meet your needs.

Here is an example: I am unemployed and a reasonable prayer for that is "God I need a job, there are bills to pay. I tithe, and your word says that you will take care of your children."

It addresses the symptom and there is nothing WRONG with a prayer like that, however, when I trust God with EVERYTHING my prayer might sound more like this:

God I know that you have plans and purposes for me. I know that you have ordered my steps. God right now I find myself in a situation that I am not sure how to successfully navigate. You took me out of my job situation, you have placed in me a need and desire for more, and opportunities to impact YOUR kngdom. I believe you for this answer..... help me in those moments that I waiver. But most of all, in this time, continue to humble my pride, break down the need for self-sufficiency, and teach me what it means to be pursued and cared for by the Lover of my Soul.

I have given voice to not just the circumstances, but what lies deeper in those circumstances. I have described the deep water, and I wait for God to whisper "Drop your nets just THERE" and I am excited about the bounty of blessings that will pour forth!

What do you think?

Tomorrow "Fight for your blessing"

Reserved Seating

Recently I was able to indulge my somewhat inflated delusions of grandeur when I attended a Private Party at a club downtown that prides itself on being "the spot". In that experience I saw one side of feeling exclusive. At the Utica Conference I saw another side of exclusivity that was very different.


At this particular conference, groups are able to register in advance and get "Reserved Seating". Doesn't that just have a decadent ring to it? It had the feel of Season's Ticket holders who know where they sit all the time and get comfortable with the view. I will say that going into an auditorium and knowing where you are going to sit has a certain appeal. But in light of the "private party" experience, the Lord showed me something about reserved seating that I had never experienced before.


Normally, when you go to a conference there is an anticipation, it is heightened by the desire to 'get a good seat'. I love arriving early at a venue and seeing it before it is full. (One of my fondest memories is experiencing "Sky Dome" in Toronto for the first time. There was a heady feeling of being in so huge a space. An awe of how big it is coupled with a very humbling feeling of how small I actually am in this universe) I love the order and the quiet of an empty venure. I love to choose a good seat and "stake my claim". I like to watch people as they arrive and experience that feel when they see the stage/set/ice for the first time. I like to see the dynamics as people mingle and try to determine where is a good seat.


With conferences, you get out as much as you put into it- and often the level of expectation can dictate the level of a touch from the Lord. With reserved seating, however, you don't need to be there early, there is no surprise, there is no time to experience the whole show. I experienced this weekend that with reserved seating we were in no hurry to be on time. Admittedly, it took away some of the stress, and it allowed us to focus on the relationships at the restaurants! But on the flip side, as a group, we arrived late and went straight to our seats. As a result I found that it took me longer to get 'into worship' and I was playing catch up for the rest of the service, I didn't take the time to look around and take in the sights, and I felt limited attachment to being at the event. I was 'in it but not of it" if you will. I got a lot out of the conference, but how much more might I have gotten had I been totally invested in the logistics??


I sometimes find this attitude sneaks into our relationships with God. We know that no matter what He is there saving a place for us. When this happens, I find myself less engaged in the process of our relationship-that I take it for granted.


I want to remember that feeling of awe and wonder when I walk into the presence of God each and every time. I not longer want to take His presence for granted, knowing that I can tap into it at any point. Rather I want to have a child-like faith in His vastness and beauty, I want His love to take my breath away!




Tomorrow..... Mark Schilling

A Traveller's Diary!

This past week I had the great opportunity to travel to Utica, NY to attend Generation Conference. It is an event I have heard about for a long time but never had an opportunity to attend. It was a really good investment of time and energy!

My plan is this: to post a little nugget that I got out of each session. I often plan on doing this but will forget or get side-tracked, but this time I am committed to getting to it all.... so committed in fact, I have planned out the posts' content-here are the Working Titles!

• Reserved Seating
• Mark Schilling
• Fight for your blessing
• Stephen Baldwin... yes THAT Stephen Baldwin!
• Know the heart, understand the actions
• Joyce Meyers
• Benny Perez
• "It doesn't matter"
• Ed Young

Are you impressed??? Do I have you looking forward to the next bunch of posts??

What if....

The quality of the teaching at our church is amazing. Every week it is like living with a gourmet chef, everything is high quality. There is not a Sunday that goes by where I don't get something out of the sermon, every once in a while, though, someone pulls out all the stops and you get a meal that is remembered and talked about for years to come.

There was a sermon that was preached by Dan Courteau a LONG time ago. The essence of it was "What if your biggest dreams occupy the same place as your biggest fear?"

I remember that sermon as one that changed my life. I had never thought of things that way before, and I always wondered why I couldn't bring myself to take that last step to fulfilling my dreams. Something always held me back.

Since that sermon, I have often thought of that idea, and come across it in a number of books. Although the wording is different, the idea is the same.

With that in mind, I set out today to finalize my application for an opportunity that I have been praying about and talking about for 6 months or so. I went over every word with my favourite "editor" and drafted the email, attached the required documents, and then I freaked out!!

When it came time to push the button, this strange fear gripped me. This was the end of the potential for this opportunity, I no longer would be able to talk about in the potential, someone would be passing judgement on my suitability for this, and I would have an answer.

I think in many ways the future's potential is safer, because it holds onto optimism and disappointment has no place. There is no heartache in opportunities untried, there can be regret but not heartache.

As I pressed the Send button, there was a moment when a litany of past disappointments and heartaches and seemingly unanswered prayers all paraded through my mind, tempting me to doubt myself- and God's blessings. How many times can I want something with all my heart only to be crushed?

There is this idea among Christians that if you want something too much, God might take it away from you. This doesn't follow with the character of God that I know... in all things, I will trust, I will hope and I will boast only in the Lord my God. I walk down the path I feel He is leading me, all the while, rolling my petitions into His capable hands, wanting nothing more than to do His work.

How many times can I hope for something amazing??? With God's help, at least once more!! So off it went, and as I waited for the heart palpitations to pass, I bowed my head and said "Not my will, but Yours"

A brush with "Fame"

This is the strange but true story of an pseudo-famous birthday!

If you are a 'bar star' in Ottawa, and if you know who Dolce & Gabana are when they work together, chances are you know a friend of mine named Scott. Scott is an amazing person who knows a lot of people, it doesn't seem to matter what the situation is, wherever Scott is, a party erupts....

I met Scott through work-more specifically, at a charity event . Nice guy, we chatted and became friends.

Fast forward about a year and Scott is now dating a girl I used to work with. We have, over the year, had some good conversations and chatted about life. So this week when I got an invitation to attend a birthday bash for him at a bar downtown I thought it would be a fun thing to do. Now keep in mind that I am NOT in any way or shape... a 'bar star' - it is not my scene. I thought, I will just go and drop in, say 'hello' and honour him on his special day.

Was I in for an interesting experience!

Think of all the movies you have seen where there is a nightclub, a line up, a rope, and some very handsome but burly men choosing who best suits the 'look' of the club. Think as well of all the times when you have seen in the movies, a celeb walk past the lineup, give their name at the door and get ushered right in! How many times have you thought, that would be cool- admit it, you've thought it!. I think to some extent, we all have delusions of grandeur and wonder what it would be like to be part of that 'set', the glamourous ones who get in places! This event was one of those velvet rope "my name's on the list" type of events.

Between you and me.... as I approached the club my heart was pounding, all the thoughts and insecurities about my geekiness came flooding back. My biggest fear was that one of those bouncers would take one look at me and send me on the walk of shame. I was nicely dressed-about as risque as I get, but I might as well have had a nun's habit on compared to those around me. I squared my shoulders and announced myself. It turned out that there was not only a line to get into the club itself, but also a line to get into the party I was attending... about 20-25 people who had been invited were waiting in line to get in!

If you know me at all.... you know I DON'T DO LINES.... I really don't like crowds, and there was no way that I was going to wait to get into this party! When I told them that I was just by myself, they let me right in, I got the bracelet I needed, and up to the VIP lounge. At the top of the stairs where the VIP lounge is, there was another burly bouncer checking for VIP bracelets, and was turning people away who were trying to get into the private party. I will admit that there was a tiny little thrill to be granted entree into this exclusive event.

I was literally there about 5 minutes, I said my "happy birthdays" delivered the card, and shook some hands and then I realized that I had no reason to stay! The environment was a very empty place, made up of people who thrive off that 'thrill' of being more important, people who crave the attention that comes from showing up at the right places.

As I left, I couldn't help but wonder how many of those people standing in line would help Scott out in a crisis. How many people would he be able to rely on when the chips are down? How many people are trading on his name because of who he is?? The real answer is probably not many, not because of Scott but because of the type of people THEY are. It made me sad. It made me sad to know that like Scott there are many who spend a lot of time looking the part. It made me even sadder to think that unlike Scott, most of those people don't have anything else going on!

There are some who will think that perhaps I shouldn't have gone. But you know what.... It was worth it to have Scott see that I would be willing to enter his world to reach past my comfort level and extend my friendship without dictating the terms-as Christians are wont to do.

I don't know what the dividend will be for having gone... time will tell, but it doesn't matter, he now knows that I am his friend no matter what!

Next time you see a movie where the celebutante strolls up to the velvet rope and gets let in, and you think how great their life must be, take a moment. Imagine that all the people in your life who add so much love and substance are gone. Imagine that you are left with only the latest Jimmy Choo shoes to ascribe you value and worth. Suddenly not being glamourous is a gift... take it from me!

Insufficient One

How is this for 'messy'? I have discovered that god is NOT enough......

Before you jump away and pray for my salvation just hear me out. Notice that I didn't write "God is not enough"? There is a big difference.

What happens when you discover that the god of your understanding is not enough? That the god you think that you know and the god that you relied on, is not who you thought? You begin to doubt and question. Mostly though, you begin to FORGET. Like a far away friend or a long dead relative, the echos of Who God is begin to fade and they can become harder and harder to hear.

There is a song that goes "I have made You too small in my eyes, Oh Lord, forgive me". I have discovered that who I know god to be, and who GOD actually is, must be 2 different people. They MUST be different because I am having a problem trusting, waiting, and knowing. I am fighting the need to take matters into my own hands. "he" (this god of my understanding) is not the all consuming firey lover of my soul that scripture talks about. If I truly knew GOD then how could I ever doubt, question, or jump ahead of His pure, loving and awe-inspiring love and faithfulness?

Clearly, (because God is perfect, and I am not) the problem lies within me; within my limited ability to understand the Unknowable.

How did this happen? Last week, last month and last year, I would have told you that I KNEW HIM, today though, my perpective has changed The more I discover about God, and the more I grow in God, the more humbled I am in the presence of the ALMIGHTY, and the more I realize how limited my understanding is.

I have attempted to have complete faith in this god of my own construction. No wonder that in my brokenness, total faith feels like a risk. I have seen God through the eyes of my past, my pain, my unanswered prayers and my dreams that have not come to be, and in that "he" has become too small to be sufficient.

I think that there are situations in our lives, that blur our focus. We have blind spots when it comes to God. Areas of our lives where we find it difficult to truly see God in His fullness. In what area of your life do you unintentionally make God too small?

So young, yet so wise

Tonight, as I was hanging out with my nephew. By hanging out, I truly mean hanging out. We were swinging in the park. We were chatting and suddenly he said:"Auntie Wahwa, I don't understand goils!" (For those who don't speak 4 year-old) that was "I don't understand girls".

I paused and thought for a moment and all I could think to say was "I know buddy!"

It was a bittersweet moment knowing that he is growing up so fast!

Glowing

It is amazing to see someone you respect and love step into something bigger than they have ever done before! As I write this, Lori is preaching for the first time! What a privilege to be here as she steps into the next level of her ability to reach into the hearts of those around her.

It is not at all surprising that what she is speaking is profound, challenging, and touches the deepest part of our identity in Christ. With her special style, humour and passion she is imparting to us that "I am the light of the World". You go Girl! I knew you had it in you!

In honour

It was my mother's birthday on Sunday, and we had a good time, we had food and friends and fellowship.

I prepared a little blessing for my mom and read it to her in front of her friends. I wanted to share it with you so that the whole world will know how amazing my mom is.

The over-riding characteristic of my mom’s life is her commitment to excellence.

MOM: In everything that you put your hand to, you desire excellence. It is this desire that can sometimes makes you feel like you aren’t doing enough or it can stop you from seeing what we all see- so we will tell you…

When I look at you, everything about you speaks of excellence, from the way that you dress, to the home you live in, to the words you choose and the activities you involve yourself in. I see in you an amazing capacity to leverage the skills and talents that you have into an opportunity to serve others. I love that you are so concerned about your clients that you get upset when something doesn’t go right, or when the great advice you give them falls on deaf ears.

I have never seen you not belong. “Adherent” has never been a word that describes you. You are not someone who just sits in a service or in an office and chooses not to offer anything else besides your presence. You have modeled for me the truth that anything worth spending your time on is worth investing your energy, emotion and life. This is especially true of your faith and your walk with God.

Your tenacity in the midst of hard-ship has forged a bond between you and God, which few rarely get to see. I know that there have been times of questions and times of anger and times of fear, but I have never seen you waiver in your assurance of God’s love for you and His faithfulness to provide your needs. There is a plaque that I recall was always in the room that you ironed and sewed in-perhaps because those were the tasks that most clearly defined the stage of life you were in. It said “God don’t let nothing get a hold of me that you and me can’t lick”. The grammar was horrific, but the truth has remained, and God has seen you through some tough stuff-this just proves how strong you are and how deep your faith in God is. I have seen you walk through circumstances that would cripple anyone else, but you stand, shake it off and move ahead knowing that God has something for you in it. It has been such a privilege to see as God has repaired and restored all that was stolen over the years. Family, success, security, joy, friendships.

Your friendships are deep and long-lasting, look around you at this table. We have known the Chivers for over 15 years! Mrs. Code has been your friend for over 30 years, and then there is Fred, mom’s high school boyfriend who has been back in touch after many many many years! People are drawn to you mom because of the spirit you carry with you. Your zest for life.

Thank you for all that you are to me: Mother, friend, mentor, guide, advisor, and sometimes sand-paper! Thank you that what is important to me is important to you. Your high expectations of yourself and those around you cause us all to sit a little straighter, to dig a little deeper, and laugh at the whole thing! Happy Birthday Mom!

If you want to add a note to bless my mom, feel free!

Jehovah Jireh- My provider

God is so amazing. He is never late.



As you know, I am single, and currently unemployed. For a homeowner, that is a scary situation to be in. In the middle of this season, I have heard God's voice over and over saying.... "Do you trust me?" . The answer in my heart is "Yes, LORD!", but the answer in my head has ranged from "yes, Lord!" to "I think so" to "I am scared to, help me" and finally "God helps those who help themselves!"



This range of emotion and spectrum of faith is completely normal. I am a doer, I like to plan, and I have the ability to make things happen. I could go out tomorrow and replace the lost income, and maybe make a little more money even. The problem though, is that in doing so, I would be doing what I did before, so I would get what I had before!! This whole process is not about getting back to the same level, but to grow. Because of my ability to get things going and network and find a job, I have never truly HAD to rely on God when the chips were down and the ribber hit the road.. there was always a contingency plan.



Let me say this, I know that God calls us to be good stewards of our time and talents and treasure. I also know that there are times when God calls us to do what doesn't make sense from the world's perspective. I totally get that there are people who would be shocked to hear that I hadn't even really applied for any jobs even though it has been a month since I worked.



BUT God... this is what it comes down to. EVERYTIME I step out to make something happen, I feel a restraining, partnered with amazing peace, and the whispered voice saying "Let ME"!



For some people, they have felt very pursued and loved by God and others, and it is easy to trust in God. I am realizing that because of my personality, I have never sat back long enough to be pursued by ANYONE, not a guy, not God, no one. But now is the time.



I feel like this is my chance to learn that not only is God ABLE to provide ALL my needs.... more importantly He is WILLING. It is a risk that we all take as Christians, not just to believe IN God and His word... but to BELIEVE God.



So often, we truly believe that God is able, but we don't wait to show His Willingness until there is nothing left of ourselves. We see it around the world, faith levels are higher, because there is NOTHING that they can do to find a way to get food without a miracle, they have no choice but to wait on God. I want to be in a position to get to the end of myself, because in my weakness, He is strong...... and good, and kind, and generous, and loving.



God's mesage to me and through my life is His faithfulness. He is faithful to me in everything that I need and many things that I have 'wanted'. My biggest financial need is for the mortgage on my home. If the mortgage is covered, almost everything else can expand or contract to meet the available funds. I have 2 rooms that I rent out and between the 2 rooms the mortgage and taxes are fully covered. I have had these rooms for rent for 1.5 years, in all that time, there have only been 4 months where both are occupied... I have been reminding the Lord, that He could provide a roommate at some point. Here is the cool part... for September, God has provided a 2nd roommate who will sign a lease for the school year!. This GUARANTEES the mortgage will get paid! How cool is that???



Then today in the mail, I got a cheque for GST rebate... I have not recieved a rebate in about 2.5 years! You cannot tell me that this is a coincidence that it came today!



In these things, little clues are being left to remind me that God is truly able but more importantly WILLING to provide for me. It is a stretch, and my faith is growing, but we are getting there! Praise the Lord!