Do something for the first time-again!

Do you remember what it was like to do something for the first time? Do you remember what pumping that first tank of gas into your first car was like? I remember paying my first hydro bill 2 years ago when I bought my first house. There is a cool thrill that goes through you when you do something for the first time. I had the amazing privilege of reconnecting with an old family friend last week. As we got caught up on our lives she began to talk about wanting to start writing but not knowing how to go about that. I mentioned Blogging. She started to ask me questions about it and I was telling her about the benefits and the joys of blogging. I told her how nervous I was the first time I pressed "publish post". It got me thinking, how over time, those things that used to give us such a thrill become commonplace and even sometimes drudgery because we do them so much.

When we tap into that feeling again our whole view changes. I am about 80% sure that I will be overseas for 6 months beginning in May or June, and suddenly I am seeing things in my life in a whole different way. I will be living in a self-sustaining environment in the middle east. For security reasons I will not be travelling outside a small area and so I will not likely drive very much. I will be fed in a cafeteria-style location, so I won't be cooking...Things that we take so much for granted I am beginning to see in a whole new light!

More than that though, I have had the most amazing opportunity to disciple a few new Christians. It is so much fun to remember what it was like to be a new Christian. Questions come up like "why is it important that Jesus resurrected?" or "what happens to the babies in Africa who die without hearing the gospel?" These are questions that make you stop and think for a moment. These things that we absorb into our consciousness and sort of forget about. I love hearing them, because it requires me to tap into that foundational information of my faith and it reminds me of the joy of my first love.

Take a moment today and see something you think of mundane, through the eyes of someone who is seeing it for the first time. Remember how it felt on your first day!

Sorrow

Something is in the air. I have experienced it deeply this year, and thought I was alone, but as I speak to others and check in with the friends who have dropped off the radar, I am seeing a trend. It is a trend toward a depressed experience. Some even are starting meds for clinical depression. I am not sure what is happening, there must be something is the 'air'.


Coming into this year, there was a lot of talk about more... more in God, more success, more love within relationships, yet person after person I speak to has been totally and completely sidelined by physical illness or emotional crisis.


When I take a step back and take a poll, I would say that 90% of my closest friends have been 'out of commission' in some form or another at some point in the last 2 months.


This is a year of breakthrough.... we cannot look at our circumstances with natural eyes, we must ask God to show us the super-natural view of things.


In the moments of sorrow and despair, everything within us wants to be alone, we don't want to reach out. But that is exactly what we must do. Recently, I was overcome with a melancholy that couldn't be explained. After a few days went by and things didn't improve, I realized that I needed to reach out. I needed prayer.


I drafted an email to the leaders that I am in close relationship with. Quickly outlining my challenges and asking for prayer. I wept as I drafted the email, it hurt to see my pain on the black and white page. Not only that, it wasn't easy to admit what I was experiencing, I had to fight the lies of the enemy that would say that these woman don't care... or that they had so many 'better'/more important things to worry about. An interesting thing happened... as soon as I pressed "send" the dark cloud I was feeling immediately lifted. When I say IMMEDIATELY... I mean immdiately.. to the point that I almost recalled the email!


In response to this email, I got so many amazingly encouraging words!!!!! How nice to know that people, in the middle of their busy lives, still have the capacity to reach out to a sister in need.


In this time of year, there are lots of people who are feeling alone, hurting and isolated. If that is you, reach out.... keep your eyes open as well for others who might be feeling lonely

Shocking!!

I was shocked this week as I was looking at some of previews for some of the shows that are scheduled for release in the next few months. I was shocked at 2 specific shows that fly in the face of everything that is good in this world!

The first is a show called Dexter.. as far as I can tell... he is a serial killer who hunts serial killers that the police can't catch. The worst part??? I ACTUALLY for a moment, looked at that and though "that looks soo good!" I would be willing to wager that, through great writing and a handsome actor playing the part, over the course of the season viewers begin to look at Dexter as the 'good guy' and revel in his success at stopping another serial killer.

The second is a show is about a bigamist with 3 wives and multiple kids. Think for a moment how funny that might be.... if I wasn't sooo sad. We have come a long way in 2 generations with what we will allow to be shown in primetime.

I am reminded of the big deal that Will & Grace was when it first came out, there was an outrage that gay humour would be so prevalent. We were told that it would have no effect... it was afterall, just a TV show. But look now, not to many years later what is being aired with NO controversy!!!

The advocates of same-sex marriage would have us believe that there is nothing wrong if a few people want to have their alternate lifestyle commemorated. They also laughed at the idea that it would open the door to all types of realtionships that we don't want in society, including bigamy.

Is this another case of life imitating art? That as a society we become numbed to the issues if they are spoon-fed to us as humour on TV???

An idea with a heartbeat ceases to be black and white!

There are many things that as Christians we talk about in very strong terms. Mostly they are issues of sin, and should have a strong stand taken against. Life though is not quite as cut and dry as that. We talk about smoking and addiction as being so horrific, and disgusting, but then someone we know and love begins to struggle with this. Suddenly, there is a hearbeat attached to this idea, suddenly it is not so black and white.

Homosexuality is an abomination in the eyes of the Lord..... except a distant relative comes out of the closet....it has a heartbeat... suddenly not so black and white.


It is very difficult as Christians, when we are faced with situations that we feel so strongly about but that impact people we love. It would be much 'safer', much easier if we could move to a moutaintop and not have to face these things. But God hasn't called us to a mountain top... he has called us to the people all around us, our neighbours. We are called to love them with the love of Christ,


Recently, some people who love me very much and who have my very best interest at heart, have come to the conclusion that they have found an incredible guy that I should get to know. they are so convinced of this fact that they are lobbying others in my life to get on side with them. The problem?... he is not a Christian. These are the type of people who, if I brought a non-Christian that they didn't know and introduced him as someone I was spending time with, there would be reproaches and reminders that we are not to be unequally yoked with unbelievers..... yet.... they know this person.... he has a heartbeat... and so things are grey!


I made a decision a number of years ago, that in order to be who God is calling me to be, and to live my life totally passionately on fire with God, I would not marry anyone who is not a Christian, not only that, they have to be at least a mature in the faith as I am. At the time.... this decision was heralded as the best thing I could possibly do.....


Now, however, when I remind these amazing people of my decision, I get some strange responses... "but he can learn to love Jesus".... or "what if you are the person who will bring him to God"...... these responses were so surprising to me, that I began to question my own stand. Then I got cranky!


I am not waivering in this. If this is truly the guy God has for me.... it is HIS job to call him, draw him and equip him to lead us as a couple.... unless that happens.... there is no grey area!! "But he is soo close to being exactly what you want!!" they say! My response?? Have you ever looked at a globe?? Japan and the US look CLOSE.... they are only about 2 inches away.... but in the reality they are worlds apart! Close isn't good enough!


It is a good reminder though... to have grace for people's stuff.... there is a heartbeat attached! Everyone that we love is dealing with issues that would cause us to question our black and white stands on things...

It is, as well, a good reminder that there are some things that I cannot afford to compromise on....

The Next Step

continued from "It's Decision Time"

I am not so naiive as to believe that I have the WHOLE picture figured out. In times of major upheavel in my life, often God uses bait on a hook to get me to follow in the path He has laid out for me. Kind of like a carrot on a stick.



I am someone who needs the 'back story'. I like to understand the significance of situations because I know that nothing - especially with God- is just one sided. I also know that God almost never reveals the whole story at one time. I think that God has a cool way of bringing me into alignment with His purposes. Here an example of what that has looked like in my life.


God will bring a guy along my path. This guy will be great and will cause me to question things about myself, my beliefs and what I want out of life. My heart is the bait and the guy is the catalyst for change. Through the self-reflection that always occurs when a new guy is on the horizon, I learn something about myslef, and about God. I will come to new conclusions and be better for the experience. The guy will fade off into the distance (and probably marry a good friend) and I am left better than when it all started. I cannot tell you the number of times this has happened in my life. In the midst of the circumstances God 'allows' me to build a story that keeps me invested.


Recently, God has knit my heart to a certain people group. As my passion for that people group grew, I began to look for opportunities to work with that people group. From there, I began to research what qualifications would be needed to impact this people group. I have come to the conclusion that I need to go back to school and get a degree. As I have studied and researched what that would take to go back to school, God has rewritten the story. What I initially thought I would be doing, is not likely what I will end up with, but it has created in me a desire to go back to school, but in order to do that, I will likely end up working with that people group in a different capacity....... whew did that make any sense??


So, I am simply walking out the next step in anticipation of the end result. I am excited about what I believe is coming next and as soon as I have any information I can share..... I know that you will be excited too!

It's Decision Time

I have some decisions to make. They are career related and time sensitive. This has brought me to another level of 'messy living'. It is tough to weigh all the pros and cons of a decision, then put if through the filter of mortgage payments, church commitments and roots, as well as family pulls, and friendships. Then to top it all off... there is that pesky thing called God's will.

Although I put God's will last on the list, it actually takes complete precedence in my decision-making. It doesn't matter what else is going on, if God says "NO" than the answer is NO!
What happens though, when there seems to be no direct instruction???
Last week at lifegroup, we watched a video in the series called "Trombone Player Wanted" and there was a life-changing idea put forth. The idea that I am the person who is best qualified to know my own strengths. WOW.... I have been looking for the input from others to learn what my strengths are. But this moment in time freed me to begin to define what my strengths are. It empowered me to begin to own who I am.
We are kind of afraid in Christianity of the word "empowered". I think especially as women any strong language about power and self smacks of rebellion and a lack of meekness.

I have begun to realize that God has given me the responsibility to be able to confidently stand in a moment and to say 'that is not my strength'. Jesus gently rebuked his mother when she was pressuring him to do something about the lack of wine at the wedding feast- he said it was not his time. There was no apology and no justification. As you know, in that moment though, there was also compassion and he instructed the servants to fill the canteens with water and when they were poured out, they were of the best wine.

So what do you do when there are open doors but no direct instructions?

In the Old Testament God often gave the Israelites specific instructions regarding what they were to do to overcome their enemies. Other times though, he told them to do what was in their hearts to do.

I think that when your heart is in communication with God, and your life is surrendered, there are moments when He allows us to make decisions that seem right to us. I never want to be out of the will of God, yet sometimes it seems like the heavens are silent. I know that God is always speaking, yet there are no specifics. In these moments, I try to make the wisest choice I can, and then begin to step through the open door of my choosing. Always with one ear cocked toward heaven to hear new instructions. There can be a tendancy, in our lives to do nothing unless we hear otherwise. I have been in that season. I know that it was what God was calling me to for that time. I have learned so much about waiting on God, about trusting Him and knowing that He has the path already set up.

It is however, scary to begin to step out into something new. I have been praying a slightly different prayer of late it is "OK Jesus, I know that is you walking on the waves... everything within me yearns to get out of the boat and walk with you, so unless you tell me not to, I am coming."

There is an echo of the enemy who would try and tell me that is rebellious, and that no instruction is a passive instruction..... but guess what! I have to take ownership of my walk. It is fully surrendered, yet I am the steward of what God has called me to do. If I am not moving forward, I am not in obedience.

I have to trust that my heart is open to His leading and guiding and that He knows me well enough to communicate with me any changes in the game plan.

I will take the next step that God is calling me to......

Your Awakening

I got this poem by email and loved it. There are some amazing nuggets of truth in there... and some things to dismiss... but overall this is amazing. More than that... it is the best explanation I have been able to come up with for this stage in my life.

A time comes in your life when you finally get it....

When in the midst of all your fears and insanity youstop dead in your tracks and somewhere the the voice inside your head cries out - ENOUGH!

Enough fighting and crying or struggling to hold on. And, like a child quieting down after a blind tantrum,your sobs begin to subside, you shudder once or twice,you blink back your tears and through a mantle of wet lashes you begin to look at the world through new eyes.

This is your AWAKENING.

You realize that it's time to stop hoping and waitingfor something to change or for happiness, safety and security to come galloping over the next horizon. You come to terms with the fact that he is not Prince Charming and you are not Cinderella and that in the real world there aren't always fairy tale endings (orbeginnings for that matter) and that any guarantee of"happily ever after" must begin with YOU and in the process a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.

You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect and that not everyone will always love, appreciate or approve of who or what you are...and that is OK...they are entitled to their own views and opinions. And you learn the importance of loving and championing yourself and in the process a sense of newfound confidence is born of self-approval.

You stop complaining and blaming other people for the things they did to you (or didn't do for you) and you learn that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected.

You learn that people don't always say what they meanor mean what they say and that not everyone will always be there for you and that it's not always about you.

So you learn to stand on your own and to take care of yourself and in the process a sense of safety &security is born of self-reliance.

You stop judging and pointing fingers and you begin to accept people as they are and to overlook their shortcomings and human frailties and in the process a sense of peace and contentment is born of forgiveness.

You realize that much of the way you view yourself andthe world around you, is a result of all the messages and opinions that have been ingrained into your psyche.

And you begin to sift through all the crap you've been fed about how you should behave, how you should lookand how much you should weigh, what you should wear and where you should shop and what you should drive,how and where you should live and what you should do for a living, who you should sleep with, who you should marry and what you should expect of a marriage,the importance of having and raising children or what you owe your parents.

You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view.And you begin reassessing and redefining who you are and what you really stand for.

You learn the difference between wanting and needing and you begin to discard the doctrines and values you've outgrown, or should never have bought into to begin with and in the process you learn to go withyour instincts.

You learn that it is truly in giving that we receive. And that there is power and glory in creating and contributing and you stop maneuvering through life merely as a "consumer" looking for your next fix.

You learn that principles such as honesty and integrity are not the outdated ideals of a bygone era but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon which you build a life.

You learn that you don't know everything; it's not your job to save the world and that you can't teach a pig to sing. You learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to say NO.

You learn that the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry and that martyrs get burned at the stake.

Then you learn about LOVE. Romantic love and familial love. How to love, how much to give in love, when to stop giving and when to walk away. You learn not to project your needs or your feelings onto a relationship.

You learn that you will not be more beautiful, more intelligent, more lovable or important because of the man on your arm or the child that bears your name.

You learn to look at relationships as they really are and not as you would have them be. You stop trying to control people, situations and outcomes. You learn that just as people grow and change so it is withlove...and you learn that you don't have the right to demand love on your terms just to make you happy.

And you learn that alone does not mean lonely...And that you look in the mirror and come to terms with the fact that you will never be a size 2 or a perfect10 and you stop trying to compete with the image inside your head and agonizing over how you "stackup."

You also stop working so hard at putting your feeling aside, smoothing things over and ignoring your needs.You learn that feelings of entitlement are perfectlyOK...and that it is your right to want things and toask for the things you want...and that sometimes it is necessary to make demands.

You come to the realization that you deserve to be treated with love, kindness, sensitivity and respect and you won't settle for less. And, you allow only the one who cherishes you to glorify you with his touch...and in the process you internalize the meaning of self-respect.

And you learn that your body really is your temple.And you begin to care for it and treat it with respect. You begin eating a balanced diet, drinking more water and taking more time to exercise. You learn that fatigue diminishes the spirit and can create doubt and fear. So you take more time to rest.

And, just as food fuels the body, laughter fuels our soul. So you take more time to laugh and play. You learn, that for the most part, in life you get what you believe you deserve...and that much of life is truly a self-fulfilling prophecy.

You learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for and that wishing for something to happen is different from working to make it happen.

More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve success you need direction, discipline and perseverance.

You also learn that no one can do it all alone and that it's OK to risk asking for help.

You learn that the only thing you must truly fear is the great robber baron of all time. FEAR itself. You learn to step right into and through your fears because you know that whatever happens you can handle it and to give in to fear is to give away the right to live life on your terms.

And you learn to fight for your life and not to squander it living under a rock of impending doom. You learn that life isn't always fair, you don't always get what you think you deserve and that sometimes bad things happen to unsuspecting, good people. On these occasions you learn not to personalize things.

You learn that God isn't punishing you or failing to answer your prayers. It's just life happening.

And you learn to deal with evil in it's most primal state - the EGO. You learn that negative feelings such as anger, envy and resentment must be understood and redirected or they will suffocate the life out of you and poison the universe that surrounds you. You learn to admit when you are wrong and to build bridges instead of walls.

You learn to be thankful and to take comfort in manyof the simple things we take for granted, things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about: a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, a long hot shower.

Slowly, you begin to take responsibility for yourself by yourself and you make yourself a promise to never betray yourself and to never ever settle for less than your heart's desire.

And you hang a wind chime outside your window so you can listen to the wind. And you make it a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting and to stay open to every wonderful possibility.

Finally, with courage in your heart and with God by your side, you take a stand, you take a deep breath and you begin to design the life you want to live as best as you can.

~By Sonny Carroll~

Nothing to say!

I have been, of late, a little frustrated and annoyed at myself for not blogging more. More than that, though I worry that there is so little movement in my life that there is nothing to blog about. But when I take a step back and really look at what is happening, I see that there is SO much going on that this meduim almost doesn't give it justice.

It is a strange situation to be in. I half expect that the next time I look in the mirror, dramatic and remarkable changes will be visible, because that is how I feel on the inside. I am not talking about a nose-job to fix a little bump that is only visible under instense scrutiny... I am talking about extreme makeover-type renovations.

This past few months has been quite the process as God takes me through a process of drilling down on certain lies, foundational truths, ascpects of my identity, and calling. It has been a total Demo and rebuild.

The things that I thought before I no longer think- about myself, about God, about my place in the world. I feel like I am truly becoming more of what God has made me to be. I started out looking for a new job...... one that will fill the days and pay the bills. What I have in my heart now though is a 10-year plan including a pretty dramatic career change, adventure, and a coming-home of sorts into a career that I have been running from.

If you have ever done household renovations, you will know that it is more costly, but actually quite a bit easier to gut out the whole place than to work within the confines of the framework you already have. When you begin with the framework already in place, or structural demands (the staircase cannot move), you are limited in what can truly and fundamentally change, but when you are starting from scratch.... the possibilities are endless.

As things solidify and the path is more clear, I want to share what has been happening... in the meantime though, I have to figure out a way to communicate these changes more effectively so that those around me can respond to them.

How do you communicate the inner changes that you are experiencing?